I know people always talk about how you'll lose friends and make new ones, find love and lose it, and I knew it would eventually happen to me, but I honestly didn't think it would come this quickly.
Friends.
Probably one of my closest friends moved away a couple months ago, to go live with her dad, with barley any warning. I mean, seriously. I found out via her mother.
We still talk, but it's rare. And I really miss her. She was a big part of my childhood, and we were really close. It's like my other half was just ripped off and taken away.
My other friends that are still here, what can I say? I love them and all, but even someone seeing this in a different perspective than mine, could tell that we're drifting.
With all the fun and excitement of high school going around, going to the movies, someone's house, sleepovers, parties, it like the friggin' plague. And for some reason, I can't help but to feel excluded. And it might have something to do with the fact that I don't necessarily try to include myself.
It may be all in my imagination, but it feels like whenever I go to stand with them, that I'm not wanted there. Or rather, I'm just not noticed.
Yeah, that makes more sense. Invisible.
And it isn't all about drifting, I've met some new people. Well, not that many..
So this one friend I've know for a while now, we just recently started getting close. She's pretty awesome, a good friend all in all, but for some reason it feels as if she's taking the place of some of my old friends. But it's okay. 'Cause I'm not completely excluded.
Misfits... Because apparently, she feels the same way I do when it comes to drifting from our closest friends.
Us misfits. We stick together.
!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
I really miss the way it used to be.
Back in 2nd grade. When everyone was still here.
And we were all still friends.
Well, close friends at least.
Back when everything was so simple.
And back when we used to all play together in the after school program?
Freeze tag, the jungle gym, those little hand games, "Miss Mary Mac".
Sharing wishes and dreams, as well as fears and nightmares.
Secret crushes <3
I remember asking one of my friend's, back in like, 3rd grade, if they would be sad or maybe even, if they would cry, if I had died.
"So would you?" I asked when she didn't answer quick enough.
"Of course I would," she had said, "That would certainly make me cry. Why?"
"Just wondering..."
!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
And so, I've been thinking a lot lately. Like, just sitting and thinking. About a lot of things. Not really in a depressing way, just trying to see things in a different point of view.
So I've maybe, just maybe gotten a bit quieter during this process, and quite possibly had more of a serious/saddened face, which has caused people assume that I had been upset someway, or was just in a bad mood.
But I'm not.
Just have my mind in other places. But I'll save that for another journal entry.
Hopefully this was long enough that my friends got to lazy to read.
Because I'm not exactly sure who I want to see this and who I don't.
Just... venting, I guess.
I just needed to feel that someone has read this and maybe knows how I feel.
And I hate to sound like a whiny little teenage girl who is making a big deal out of nothing, but I can't seem to help it.
Must be who I really am.
As most of my friends begin to mature, and become young adults, I'll confide myself in my own little world. A world full of angst ridden teenagers just like me, who complain about anything they can think up.
Yup... I guess I'm there, huh?
I just wish we could all go back.
