Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You can't see it yet. I don't expect you to see it... not until Im through with you.

I've been the one to love someone, and the one someone else loved. I've been crushed, and I've been the one to crush others. Have you seen both of these sides yet? They're not pretty. It's never very pretty at all, really. It's fun while it lasts, but it always aches in the end, leaving you in more and more pain

You won't know what I mean for a while. For example, I've loved. I've lost. I've given up over and over again, only to get back up again for yet another selfish, uncaring person.

It's things like this that eventually drive a person mad.

I've forgotten this entire emotion you call "love" ... as I've decided it's a feeling that doesnt exist. And, if it does exist, Id rather never experience it. From the glimpse Ive seen of it, its nothing but anguish and despair in the worst form. I dont like needing someone. I dont like being needed. I dont like the FEELING. Its all bull s**t. Lies. It makes me weak, and Im not that weak.

You cant even IMAGINE what may be going through my mind right now, can you? Of course not.