I just got in trouble for an excessively violent paper that I had written about a ago when I was angry. My brother, Josh, [who is 20 years old and fails at life in general] came over to my parent's house to do laundry, since him and his gf's apartment has no laundry service. He hates my living guts;we have different fathers, and my dad is currently married to my mom, which is his mother too. I think hes just jealous that I actually have a family, so he wants me to be as miserable as he is: he went snooping through my room looking for some dirt on me. He found it[the paper]. He gave it to my mom earlier today, and she was disappointed in my 'violent' words I had written on that paper. Thats how people like me vent when they are stressed and have no body to talk to.
Any ways, me, being the person I am; I said that it was just my friend who wrote the paper and not me.[clearly I am a role-model for children everywhere. Right?]
But lets back track to a week before that incident:
I got home and I found Jamie[my brother's GF] and Julian[their son, who is about 2 years old] at the house. I just said “Hey.”, and everything was normal. Until Julian thought it was funny to hit my rabbit's cage with a vacuum cleaner. I didn't think it was funny at all, so I took the vacuum away and picked him up and put him on the other side of the room. But he picked up the vacuum and hit my rabbit's cage again,[and Jamie was in the other room and I didn't want to bother her], so I just sternly tapped him on the head and said, “No! Don't hit the rabbit cage!”[or something along those lines, I can't remember what I had said exactly] Well, he didn't cry or anything. So I thought it was okay.
Two days later Josh comes over real quick, then leaves, I didn't really care. And hour later, after Josh had left, my mom was talking on the phone with him. Five minutes later my mom calls me down stairs and she immediately hammers me with this:
“Well, I was on the phone with Josh, and I asked, 'why didn't you bring Julian?' and he said, 'Well, is Kara didn't hit him, then maybe I would!', why did you hit him Kara?”
I was angry and astounded, but not as astounded as I was angry. “What do you mean?” Was all I said back. “You hit him!” She yelled at me, “All I did was a light tap on the head!” Was my rebuttal. “Well, he already has a mother and its not your place to hit him!”
“Well his mother was busy, and he was hitting the rabbit cage!”
“Still that considered abuse, Kara! You need to apologize...”
So, that was strike one for Me. Although I was wrongly accused. So apparently now I'm some kind of 'child beater'. I understand because if I were a mother, I'd over react too.
Also, the paper today. So strike two. And mom thinks that I wrote that paper. Which I did, but lied and said that it was my friends. On the bottom line: My brother is out to get me. But in the long run both of them are my fault kind of, but unearthed and exaggerated by the hand of josh.
I don't know why- But thew fact that I lied about the paper, kind of peeves the back of my mind.
But I figure people wouldn't think any better of me if had told the truth anyways. But I know lying just stretches it out and builds the tension: But somehow its easier for me. So I lie, and put it off for as long as I can until some one finds out the undeniable truth and tells the whole world about it;which probably explains my lack of trust, even to the closest of family members.
As a Gemini-lying is a bad habit for me. A habit that I can't seem to break. I usually talk my way out of things, because talking is what I do best . But I learn from my lying mistakes; when caught cheating-justify it. Or learn from it. This time I learned that when writing a paper that has a lot of , burn it afterwards-and avoid this whole damn thing.
Even with the help of others, I doubt they could cure me completely of lying. “I will not lie ever again.” Is a lie itself. We all lie. I just lie a little too much. :/
“Thou shalt not lie.” Is a commandment I break more times than I can count within a 2 week basis. Its sad, really. I haven't done anything horribly major-just minor things that can be forgotten. But I feel lying is a virus, and weI have yet to find a cure.
I think lying to yourself is a sin, with its own penalties, and its sometimes worse than lying to other people.
I'm flawed, very flawed.
It's not easy to make me cry. Only about 1/3 of my friends have seen me have a break down. And, as emo as this sounds, my parents don't care when I cry.
They shrug it off and think I'm just being overly-emotional. But maybe I am?
Most of my friends don't like crying, so basically have no one to help me vent my emotions. One of closest friends is moving to Houston, which is about an hour and a half drive from where I live. I can't drive all the way over there just to talk to a friend! But we are more like sisters than friends: We tend to bicker and fight over stupid things. But I'll miss her when she moves. T.T
I don't have a boyfriend, which means no shoulder to cry on about my troubles. Karlee and Celeste[ some of my close friends] have a boyfriend every other week. That bad part is they won't shut up about them. So I guess I'm a tad jealous.
And I can't talk to my animals, obviously, because lets face it: All they care about is food and attention. But I still love them[even though they are pretty selfish].
I know my parents aren't worried about my sanity, stress levels and my mental status. They have bills to pay and jobs to do, which is perfectly understandable. But they are pretty ashamed of my violent nature when I put pen to paper, I think, and probably expect happiness and love; which I obviously cannot provide-although I can fake it [AKA: Lie about it] See? What did I tell you?A horrible habit.
Celeste, one of my cousins is probably one off the closest family members I have-although probably to her I'm like a minor character. I don't see her often but I enjoy her company, although she doesn't like pity parties, so I try not to get too sad around her.
Karlee is also one of my friends, although she is barely the type of person I would run to if I had a problem. Not that she's a bad person or anything, though. Shes a great person, just not a close enough to talk to about problems.
My 'Luck of the Irish' had just run out it seems; but since I'm the second most skeptical person on the planet[next to Kaiba] I'm gonna say it was never there to begin with. :[
I'm afraid I can't keep up this act for much longer; it won't be long until I snap.
Life sucks, but oh well, what are you gonna do about it?
On a side note: I had a bacon sandwich, so that makes things a little better....
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