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This week has been the loneliest week of my life. This is the first time in the longest time I have felt loneliness like this. I have no one to hang out with. Me and Josh don't get a long anymore. He was over last night for an hour before we got into an arguement. I don't know about Syd. I just kinda feel like I don't belong with her anymore... I want to be her friend a lot... it just her other friends and stuff are different and she's changed a lot from the Syd I used to know... I tried calling her yesterday.. but she was out with Annie... I don't really like her...

My other friends... They aren't close like me and Syd or Josh used to be. Otherwise I would have called them a long time ago...

Dan.. I just don't want to be bugging him all the time. He said he couldn't do anything yesterday or today... tomorrow he's going to be gone and maybe Sunday we will hangout.. unless he is... busy? I haven't seen him since... Monday? I don't remember...

I should probably make new friends I guess. I don't want too... but I don't want to be alone. I'll most likely just make a better friendship with the friends I already have. Like Bryton, Chris, Zac, Jay and them... I guess it would still be akward hanging out with just one of them after what happened...yeah.. I just don't want to be lonely.

I guess this is the first time in a very long time that I actually talked about my feelings... I find it hard to talk about it right now.. since everything with Josh... he hurt me so much.. I used to tell him everything. We used to talk all the time... everything I told him he used against me and tore me down.. I guess I'm really scared about that happening again with someone else. I don't think anyone knows about how much that hurt me and how much depression I've been going through the past week or so.. It's not their faults.. I never told them. Maybe I was scared of being rejected or something... I really don't know. Things happening at home... it's.. annoying and stressful. I just don't want to involve anyone with my problems.. I don't want them tangled up in my mess. I've cried so much these past weeks... I don't know. I miss everyone so much.. It's not their faults at all. I'll most likely feel better when I get back to school. I just feel.. misplaced?.. neutral