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I'm having troubles crying. Lets start off with that shall we?
Lets start at 5th grade.
I was one of those little girly kids, with the high pitched voice, and yes, in 5th grade I did start growing facial hair under the nose, so I was going through the "change".
Kids called me "gay" every...single day.
6th grade, some girl I thought I liked broke my life into the worst place ever. My neighbors that I helped everyday after school die, I don't cry. I don't even feel changed, I don't really care... I pretended to like this girl, Shelby... She thought I called her fat.
7th grade Moustache is good, people calling me a gay idiot with no life.
Nicole, oh god, 8th Period History, Everyday. Shelby claims to be emo, I say she isn't. I say emo's cut themself. Demons become my new best friends.
It was hell, I never cried though. Never. I was also insulted by Eddie, though I still tried to hang out with him. Frank Grillo, Chris Sciancio, Shane Debour. Those punks.
8th Grade (This year) I tried to tell on someone to get it to stop, I told on the wrong kids. The good kid who was joking around got 3 Days ISS. The kid who denied it got away with it. Demons take me into their flame spiral staircase heading down. I'm failing Honors Math, I don't want to do it, I can't drop out.
My dog died, What the hell? No he didn't. He was killed. ******** dog, why do they all get cancer?
I cried the first time in 3 years. Three, years. I held him, his blank eyes staring me in the face. He tried to eat, he couldn't... I burst out "Why the hell won't you eat" then cried a s**t load of tears...
Anger issues, they seemed to have gone away for now, replaced by Nightmares.
I used to punch walls, smash my head, dig my nails into my hands, self destruction without razors or the use of bleeding wrists. I didn't do it regularly, I just got angry and smashed myself.
Now the nightmares. Since November 29th, Horrible nightmares, 3-6 Hours of sleep every other day. Blood curdling screams. Men in Red Shirts going into my home, and waking up alone.
Parent: "You just don't get it? Summer School isn't an option" x2 a day.
Parent: "You're just not taking this seriously"
I turn into a semi-vegetarian. I'm sickened by the world I can never change. Playing with fire, it's oh so fun. How does it feel when my feet finally hit the ground? And no, when I said demons I didn't mean any "Demon" in literal terms, use some imagination.
No one seems to understand my feelings. No one really wants to be my friend, that was established in 6th grade. Brian is a freak. Brian has no life. Brian is so damn stupid. Brian is emo. Brian is a f*****t. I'm close to tears as typing this, I don't really want any replies, it just feels good to let this out.
That Shelby girl, she is really obnoxious. She tries to get into awkward situations for fun. She uses Gaia to get guys who pretend to love her, then send them nude pics of herself.
She's disgusting, now I'm raging. I hate people like that.
Religion, I don't believe in any of it. I think it's false hope, completely false. Who decides a God exists? Who says he made the world in 7 days? Who's right. Who's wrong. I used to be a Roman Catholic, a very strict one, but no. Not no more kiddies, no. I'd be the worst "Preacher" ever.