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As each day passes, I think I learn something new. Granted it may be a stupid and obvious thing, like a few years ago when I had an epiphany of why it's called "wheel of Fortune" or after five years in customer service made me see that there are many different people, but only six different personalities. Mean spirited people, Those in a rush, Humans with time to spare, Happy people, Avoidant people, and people who know to make the best of what they have. I am a different person around my segregated groups of friends. Not to say that I have friends I try to keep far from each other or anything. I have friends here and friends there who never meet or interact so I can say they are segregated I suppose. Or perhaps, I just enjoy using big words.
I have those I meet with every Thursday. I love my friends, and even though I am busy and the only time I really get to see them is on Thursdays, I will always be there for them. Loosing one of them was by far the worst day of my life. Sure, April wasn't my bestest of best friends ever and we didn't get to spend as much time together as we had during my jobless period, she was still a very close friend. She was one of my best friends, best friends, and it wrenched my heart to see people so close to me in such an emotional state.
Time has passed since then and though I know there are others, who like myself have not completely moved on, life is turning back to normal, slowly but surely. I have Campbell who is enjoying his quiet life nestled in old t-shirts in his sheer green igloo, munching on rat food pellets when time permits and receiving daily treats.
I never let stress get to me.
People around me can be stressing about paying bills, filing papers, and the like but I have learned over time that stress causes headaches, illness, accidents, and emotional problems. So I now owe my mother just under $200. I know I'll have the money to completely pay her off in two weeks. I'm gong to have to get my own cell phone in the coming months and I'll be paying that monthly bill on top of food, gas, and rent, but I know that through the course of a month I'll have four steady pay checks to assist. If I save my money right, I won't have a problem.
Even at work when a customer gets upset at my register I know 99% of the time, they are not angry at me, they are angry because of the return policy or at themselves, not at me personally and I won't stand there and stress. No, I will move onto the next customer, while making sure that customer is satisfied.
And behind all of that I have a loving boyfriend who is there for me whenever I need him. If I want to ramble on for an hour or I just feel like telling a story, or singing, I have Kyle. I am so proud of him. I am proud of him and I am proud of my friends. So when I have a customer or anyone for that matter who is mad at me or frustrated in front of me, I can simply remind myself that I have more to be happy about then stressed about, and I have no weight on my shoulders.
Two days ago was my brothers 18th birthday. My parents filed for divorce that day and mom will be moving out by the end of the month. Sure I am upset and even more so I want to move out. I am tired of listening to my father ramble on about how irresponsibility my brother is or his inability to figure out why my mother, despite the divorce, doesn't want to spend time with him. I want to move in with a friend. I want to live on my own, and experience what it's like. I want to come home each day to a clean room that doesn't have a depressed man laying on the couch, I want to relax and have someone to talk to. I have Kyle for most of those things, but I won't have him 100% until we've finished college. That is the way I want it.
I want to come home from being a teacher to grade papers along side my Kyle who is going to be a teacher, and have someone to talk to who won't tell me to hurry up and get to the point. I want someone with the same education as me to help me figure these things out. Unlike my father who watched NBC, ABC, World News, FOX news, and CNN and thinks he's an expert on all things medical and legal.
I want Kyle.
I want my degree.
I want to be a teacher.
I want a family.
I want a lot. Some may call it selfishness I suppose, but I don't think so. This is what I want for my future. I can't have it right now, I know, but as time wear on, I am days and weeks closer to having it. I don't need to be rich (though I wouldn't mind it), an I don't require a husband who is rich. I don't want rich friends. I want my down to earth friends who will break into a closed down amusement park to visit a gift shop and climb on a miniature version of one of the eight wonders of the world. I want my two slightly sheltered best friends who make more then I do and don't like to spend. I like having one who argues with me on every turn when it comes to politics with a twin who likes to ask why and hear me out rather then jump my a** for voting based on views of the educational system. I wouldn't trade my groups of friends for anything in the world.
Amanda has been my manager, my co-worker, a solace, a life saver, a friend, and a sister. Megan and Lindsay have been my sisters since the day I met them. Darlene was a best friend (despite numerous childish fights).
Kyle is my backbone, love of my life, and my partner.
As the days go on I just have to keep looking forward. I help when I can and I wait for the day when I am teaching a classroom of 30 children who have never seen cursive.
Sometimes, I say things I don't mean, and sometimes I say things without thinking but on the inside I can't even stand up to people I hate. That's just the way I am.
No, I am not having arguments with any of my friends. I sat dawn to write this and went a little overboard I think. XD That's ok.
That's just me.
Tsuwabuki · Wed Feb 04, 2009 @ 05:35pm · 0 Comments |
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