''PLEASE READ SOMETHING ELSE.'' —Lemony Snicket

Well, searching the interent has rewarded me with infinite quotes. LOOK. Your time shall be wasted, universes will explode, and hilarity will ensue. Oh, and I'll have cleared out your house of all valuable objects by the time you're done. If nothing is gone, your house just fails. Enjoy!

Whats the point of immortality if it will take forever to discover it? -Me. Holy snap. A quote by me! Where is the copyright symbol??

"So remember, the next time your English teacher asks, "Now, what is this poem really about?", just answer, "Sex." - Something about symbolism.

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest ******** in the world... Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this was liberating. He no longer has to worry about being the baddest ******** in the world. The position is taken." -Snow Clash

Chater: You insulted my wife in the gazebo yesterday evening!
Septimus: You are mistaken. I made love to your wife in the gazebo. She asked me to meet her there, I have her note somewhere, I dare say I could find it for you, and if someone is putting it about that I did not turn up, by God, sir, it is a slander.
— Arcadia, Tom Stoppard

Final Fantasy games give you a choice: you can either spend forty hours playing underwater foosball or watching chocobos screw or whatnot, which eventually gives you your ultimate weapon so that you can defeat the final boss pretty handily. Or, you can spend those forty hours actually fighting the final boss. It's up to you. You want a quick game, go play pinball.
— Lore Sjöberg, The Book of Ratings

"Rommel, you magnificent b*****d, I read your book!"
-Patton

Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It must have taken hundred- no, thousands of years to carve this thing.
[Vinny blows it up so it falls down over a chasm]
Vinny: Hey, look, I Made A Bridge. It only took me, like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.
—Atlantis: The Lost Empire

"Did his pants just grow to four hundred times their normal size?"
— "Dead Zone" Abridged Movie

They could've called it Revenge of the Zucchini People for all I cared."
— Gary Larson, on the syndicate's decision to change his comic's name from Nature's Way to The Far Side

"For me, the interesting relationship is the one between Mario and Bowser; I mean on some days they fight to the death in fiery climactic showdowns, while on other days they go go-karting together, play tennis, even team up in some of the RPGs. Sure, he kidnaps the Princess a whole bunch, but no one seems to begrudge him for that anymore, it's just what he does. It's like begrudging a dog for licking its own balls."
- Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, Zero Punctuation: Super Mario Galaxy.

Jackson: I'm energy now…
O'Neill: (sarcastically) How's that working out for you?
Jackson: Good, actually. Very…
O'Neill: Good.
Jackson: Very good.
—Stargate SG 1

"Our world is a battleground into which only those who can bake truly good bread can enter."
—Kai Suwabara, Yakitate Japan.

Sir Toby Belch: Is't possible?
Fabian: If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.
— William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act 3, Scene IV

Nostradamus Rule: All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately.
-—The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Cliches #27

"I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that."
— Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

Pillow Fights: Man vs. Woman = fun , Man vs. Man = gay, Woman vs. Woman = Awesome, Man vs. Pillow = Crazy, Pillow vs. Pillow = Crazy Awesome."
—Demetri Martin

Nazi science sneers at the boundary between life and death!"
— Colonel Haken, Irregular Webcomic

"Remember to believe in magic...Or I'll kill you..."
-MST3K, episode 1003: Merlins Shop Of Mystical Wonders

#6 If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
#34: If you're leaving scorch marks, you need a bigger gun.
#37: There is no 'overkill'. There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload'.
— Schlock Mercenary, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates"

"Subtlety is a thing for philosophy, not combat. If you're going to kill someone, you might as well kill them a whole lot."
— Vulcan Raven, The Last Days Of Foxhound

"You're in the middle of a flash forward framed by a flashback in the middle of a prequel book. Good luck on ever finding your way back here!"
—The Oracle, Order Of The Stick Start of Darkness

Carrot: What's up, Sarge? Do you want to live forever?
Sgt. Colon: Dunno. Ask me again in five hundred years.
—Guards! Guards!

EVERY anime has a beach episode, Alex!
—Roger Van Der Weide

You know when you're sitting in a chair, and you lean back so you're just on two legs, and then you lean too far and you almost fall over, but just at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."
— Steven Wright

"Whoops! That was not medicine."
—The Medic, Team Fortress 2

Death solves all problems. No man, no problem.
— Joseph Stalin

"Harry invited Smithy round for an explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute Harry lost his temper and reached for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a fifteen-inch black rubber c**k. He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with this; that was seen as a pleasant way to go..."
— Bacon, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels

Nate: Did you just kill a guy with an appetizer?
Eliot: I dunno, maybe.
—Leverage, "The Wedding Job"

It's the old, old story: Droid meets Droid, Droid becomes Chameleon, Droid loses Chameleon, Chameleon turns into Blob, Droid gets Blob back again, Blob meets Blob, Blob goes off with Blob, and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid. How many times have we seen that story?"
— Kryten, Red Dwarf

"Madness is like gravity - all it takes is a little push."
The Joker, The Dark Knight

BARTYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!"
Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons episode "Cape Feare"

You can't solve this through willpower, or positive thinking, or taking advice from a Hollywood actor and the dead science fiction writer he worships. You need some help.
—Jordan Sullivan, on why there are therapists, Scrubs

THERAPY IS FOR THE WEAK
—Raye, Sailor Moon Abridged

"You can slice bare-breasted ninjas in half and watch the upper half of their corpses drag themselves along by the arms until they collapse. That's worth the price of admission right there!"
Kevin Vanord, GameSpot video review of Afro Samurai

Suppose you are studying Moby-d**k. Anybody with any common sense would say Moby-d**k is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in your paper, you say Moby-d**k is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby-d**k anyway, will think you are enormously creative.
— Dave Barry, "College Admissions"

Mega Man: Let me guess. You're going to flood the cave with water.
Doctor Wily: No, no, no. Nothing so boring. I'm going to flood it with bombs.
Mega Man (Ruby-Spears)

"I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode."
— Teal'c, Stargate SG 1, "200"

Hobbes: Is Amazon Girl's super power the ability to squeeze that figure into that suit?
Calvin: Nah, they can all do that.
— Calvin And Hobbes

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
—Ripley

Rimmer: Well, I'd have thought it was obvious. Two people, unable to contain their desires, had an illicit liaison. A liaison that an unforgiving society would not accept. And you were the fruit of their forbidden passion. You're forbidden passion fruit.
Lister: What are you saying?
Rimmer: I'm saying, Lister, that there's a very real possibility that your parents were brother and sister.
-Red Dwarf, "The Last Day"

Story in a game is like a story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important."
—John Carmack

"For one thing, rewriting the rules is just good storytelling. Upending conventions lets you surprise the audience. You thought garlic was going to ward off the boss vampire? Sorry. You planned to kill him with that little piece of sharpened wood? Good luck. These days, you'll see vampires slapping crosses out of the way more often than shrinking in fear. Variations on the vampire rules also make for some clever plot twists."
-Christopher Beam, Slate magazine.

the nice thing about vampires is that if someone says "no that's not how vampires work" you can say "yes it is", and then, nobody is right"
-Dinosaur Comics subject header

I would make a good vampire bum. Except I wouldn't drink blood, I would drink alcohol. And I wouldn't fly, I would just do drugs. And I wouldn't be interesting, I would just be incredibly repulsive. JUST LIKE A REAL VAMPIRE!
— Chester A. Bum, "Nostalgia Critic"

Ooh, they're goin ta' have ta' glue you back together...in Hell!"
-Demoman, Meet the Demoman, a Team Fortress 2 short.

"I knew it! That sword... It's your weapon, isn't it?!"
— Might Guy, Naruto

Scully: You know, most people want to live forever.
Fennig: Most people are idiots.
—The X Files

"He whisked off her shoes and panties in one movement, wild like an enraged shark, his bulky totem beating a seductive rhythm. Mary's body felt like it was burning, even though the room was properly air-conditioned. They tried all the positions: on top, doggy, and normal. Exhausted, they collapsed onto the recently extended sofa bed. Then, a hell-beast ate them."
— Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I never really was on your side.
— The Spy, Team Fortress 2

"Now who wants to go swimming in my pool? And by pool, I mean bathtub. And by swimming, I mean SEX!"
— JFK, Clone High

"The history of gaming technology has been one long quest for total realism, but now [that] we're on the verge of it, I'm seeing that it's probably not worth the effort. The ultra-realistic games of recent years have been one long gritty depressing gray-a-thon after another, and it's up to games like Saints Row 2 to remind us that realism is an acceptable sacrifice if it means I get to throw old ladies into jet turbines."
— Zero Punctuation on Saints Row 2

Captain Cragen: Since when is oral sex not sex?
Olivia Benson: Since Bill Clinton said so.
~Law And Order Special Victims Unit

"Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen."
— Calvin, Calvin And Hobbes

What a strange dream. Within a dream. Or is this the dream?"
Mizuhara Makoto, El Hazard

"If one sword has a power of 100, then two swords have a power of 200, right?"
- Lloyd Irving, Tales Of Symphonia

"I tried to show the dragon my new sword trick, but he exploded."
Fighter



Gluttons can't eat or drink in Hell because they ate and drank so much in life. And they are trapped in putrid soil because they produced nothing but garbage in life. And they are being torn apart constantly by Cerberus's three sets of bloody teeth, because Dante is one sick ********.
— Lore Sjoberg, The Book of Ratings, Dante's Inferno Punishments, Part 1

Black Mage: (Upon dying and going to hell) Wait, if I did evil, and you guys are evil, then shouldn't be showering me with rewards and concubines?
The Devil: This is hell. We're big on irony here.
— 8-Bit Theater

Mayor: Evidence? That's not how our court system works.
Aang: Then how can I prove my innocence?
Mayor: Simple — I say what happened, then you say what happened, and then I decide who's right. That's why we call it "justice," because it's just us.
Avatar The Last Airbender

"Give me six lines written by the most honorable of men, and I will find an excuse in them to hang him."
Cardinal Richelieu

Mook 1: There's no way he could have survived that fall.
Seto Kaiba: Actually, I seem to be okay.
Mook 2: Nope, he's definitely dead.
Seto Kaiba: You guys are idiots.
Mook 1: At least we're not dead, like you.
— Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series

Why is Yamazaki winning?
Maybe because he can do the Gendo glasses thing even without a light source◊?
Wave Master Megatokyo Forums

Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You're on my crew.
Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?
Mal: You're on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?
— Firefly

"Now, Superstar Funana, we will retreat to opposite ends of the arena. We will run at each other. We will pass the other in mid-air. And fifteen seconds later, you will burst into blood."
—Rick, Shortpacked

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.
—Bruce Lee

All video-game characters are in fact made of cotton candy. This theory, and only this theory, can explain the cat-like hydrophobia shared universally by their kind. How else are we to believe that Frogger, a frog, is killed instantly on contact with water?
— Cracked.com's 6 Video Game Gimmicks That Need To Die

I'm a Warrior Hero Adventurer Goddess who CAN'T SWIM, OKAY?!
— Skye of the Skittles promotional videogame Darkened Skye

Obelix: "O chief Vitalstatistix, the Normans are landing! And they've got ever such funny names! They all end in 'af'!"
Asterix: "That's right! Their chief is called Timandahaf!"
Vitalstatistix: "Ha, ha, ha! Did you hear that, Getafix, Cacofonix, Operatix, Acoustix, Polyfonix, Harmonix?"
— Asterix & the Normans

''"It's Superman fighting twin clones of Hitler! HOW DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?!"
—Linkara on ''Superman: At Earth's End."

Stansfield: Bring me everyone.
Benny: What do you mean "everyone"?
Stansfield: EVERYONE!!!
— Leon/The Professional

Don't move a muscle, or we will shoot you with our invisible guns!
-Yugi Oh The Abridged Series

Anya: Gimme a beer.
Bartender: I.D.
Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!
Bartender: I.D.
Anya: (sighs) Gimme a Coke.
— Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The first rule of time travel is that any and all modifications made to the timeline result in Hitler winning World War II. Run over a hippy in 1968? Hitler wins.
—colonel_green of Scans Daily

Martha: But are we safe? Can we move around and stuff?
The Doctor: Of course we can. Why do you ask?
Martha: It's like in the films! You step on a butterfly, you change the future of the human race!
The Doctor: I'll tell you what then, don't step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?
-Doctor Who, The Shakespeare Code

Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir!
Mal: Ain't we just?
— Firefly

"That's the thing about life. It's never so bad that it can't get any worse."
— Calvin

Annah: Are you trying ta get us all carved ta pieces?! Don't yeh be tempting fate like that, skull!
Morte: Fate shouldn't tempt me.
— Planescape Torment

Wash: It's OK, we don't need him to believe. Until the next time we encounter the Meta.
[Loud thump on roof]
Wash: What the hell was that?
Sarge: Come on, d'ya even need to ask?
— Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction, chapter 18

" I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?"'
-Sam Witwicky, Transformers

Bernard: The day your father died...I cleaned his wound. The blade that pierced his body... came from his glider. There's no question about it, your father died by his own hand.
Harry Osborn: You are so fired.
Bernard: What?
Harry Osborn:: You've known all this time...and you wait until NOW to tell me?
Bernard: I thought this would be the best time to tell you the truth!
Harry Osborn: I took a grenade in the face, DUDE!
Spiderman 3: How It Should Have Ended

Aw, come on! I can't tell you everything right away! That would make for a boring story, don't you think?
Coyote, Gunnerkrigg Court

Ben and I decided that we needed more strips and punchlines that only make sense to hardcore readers. Look forward to jokes so inaccessible even we, the authors, don't get them.
— Lewis's Notes, Terror Island, Strip #200

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
— Steven Wright

There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette.
— Greg Ayres, referring to the character from Chrono Crusade

"Who do you think you are? Did you think you'd actually be able to make a difference? Well, Woof, you were wrong, boy. Completely and utterly wrong."
— Jade, Beyond Good And Evil

If you had an outfit that made you look this good, would you take it off?
— Seto Kaiba, Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series

&death09& my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
&ktp753& ouch.
&death09& yeah.i sent them to her dad
bash.org, quote #602698

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed, but remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed."
-Weird Al, Yoda

The preceding paragraph is all stuff I just made up. But it's canonical now.
— Sarah Monette

"Why did the universe come to be in a state suitable for human habitation? A minor change in the gravitational constant would mean a completely different universe from the one we're in. Other sets of rules such as Planck's Constant or the mass ratio of atomic molecules seem to be designed specifically so that humans can live in this universe. Don't you find this incredible?"
I felt my back itch. This is because the stuff Koizumi said sounds like one of the rhetorical flyers given out by those newly formed religions whose founding principles are based on scientific theories.
"Relax! I don't believe in the existence of an Almighty God, or the Ultimate Creator that created humans. Many of my companions think the same way as well. Yet, there's one thing that bothers us."
Bothered by what?
"The things that we do. Are they as foolish as a clown doing a handstand by the edge of a cliff?"
— The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya (volume 1)

They are titans, they are the true and indisputable masters of the universe, the lords of creation, and they are unhappy with us. They speak, and theirs is a voice that shatters mountains. "WHO. ARE. YOU?"
The captain's lips draw back over his teeth in a mirthless grin as he plants his fists on his hips, throws back his head, thrusts out his jaw. "Who wants to know?"
-Steven Utley, Upstart

This is blasphemy! This is madness!"
"Madness?! This! Is! SPARTA!"
—300

"That many periods in one sentence can't be good for your brain."
—Narbonic

Just Nod Your Head And Smile And no matter how big that big-a** sword is, you won't stand out in a crowd. Nobody ever crosses the street to avoid you or seems to be especially shocked or alarmed when a heavily armed gang bursts into their house during dinner, rummages through their possessions, and demands to know if they've seen a black-caped man. People can get used to anything, apparently.
—The Grand List Of Console Roleplaying Game Cliches

And no wonder, for even Satan masquerades as an angel of light.
2 Corithians 11:14

You voted for a guy named Dr. Insano! My election platform was to build a giant robotic sawblade that would cut Canada off at the top and reattach it to Australia so they wouldn't bother us anymore! My Vice President is Fu Manchu! I'm pretty sure that's not even legal! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?"
President-Elect Dr. Insano, The Spoony Experiment

Darth Vader: Calrissian. Take the princess and the Wookiee to my ship.
Lando Calrissian: You said they'd be left at the city under my supervision.
Darth Vader: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
— Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

&Spiff-Johnson& So i bought a shirt from express men.. does that make me gay?
&cool4dude& no, the fact that you have sex with men makes you gay
&cool4dude& the shirt just makes you a stereotype

chickcorea1357: i was so high that the fractal elves started asking me what the heck I had been smoking

&Guo_Si& Hey, you know what sucks?
&TheXPhial& vaccuums
&Guo_Si& Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
&TheXPhial& black holes
&Guo_Si& Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
&TheXPhial& lava?

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
Oh how I wish he'd go away.
- Hughes Mearns

"Gentlemen! Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot."
—Benedict, Last Action Hero

"A HEATER!? Who puts a heater in an ice cream factory!?"
-The Delightful Children From Down The Lane, Codename Kids Next Door

Otacon: If you can shoot a Stinger missile into the cockpit, you'll destroy the computer control system.
Snake: You intentionally designed it with a weak point?
Otacon: It's not a weak point. I like to think of it as a character flaw. People just aren't complete without some type of character flaw, don't you think?
— Metal Gear Solid

Chaplain: Do you, Ming the Merciless, Ruler of the Universe, take this earthling Dale Arden, to be your Empress of the hour?
Ming: Of the hour, yes.
Chaplain: Do you promise to use her as you will?
Ming: Certainly.
Chaplain: Not to blast her into space?
Ming: ...
Chaplain: ...Until such time as you grow weary of her.
Ming: I do.
Dale: I do not!
—Flash Gordon, where the reception would probably have included a beautifully decorated wedding ham.

Dave: How can you have a goatee without shaving? Does it just materialize?
Male Helen: Well, yes. I'm evil.
— Narbonic

"I've come up with another escape. I want you to tie me up and lock me in the trunk of your car, under the pier at low tide. All I need are these everyday objects — a toothpick, some liquor, a gun with no bullets, bullets, and three of my MacGyver writers.."
—Richard Dean Anderson on The Simpsons

Throughout this campaign, Häyhä basically just ran around doling out head-shots like the ice cream man gives out Dove bars on a hot sunny day in the Sahara desert. His personal best was ******** twenty-five kills in a single day. That's like an entire baseball team!
- Badassoftheweek.com, on Simo Häyhä

Hertz: My God. Do we really suck, or is this guy really that good?
- Shoot Em Up

Will Graham: I thought you might enjoy the challenge. Find out if you're smarter than the person I'm looking for.
Hannibal Lecter: Then, by implication, you think you're smarter than I am, since it was you who caught me.
Will Graham: No, I know I'm not smarter than you.
Hannibal Lecter: Then how did you catch me?
Will Graham: You had... disadvantages.
Hannibal Lecter: What disadvantages?
Will Graham: You're insane.
-Manhunter and again in the Re Make, Red Dragon

"You guys are apparently very proper people. Except you. You were apparently raised by mechanical wolves at Disneyland."

"An intelligent guard! Didn't see that one coming."
— Titan AE

Begin Operation: Something-Thingy!"
Evil Blah, from the Flash movie The Demented Cartoon Movie

"The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
— GlaDOS, Portal

"If Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees got married and had a baby, your ring would be the baby!"
— Tristan, Yu Gi Oh The Abridged Series

It's really good when I can just link to TV Tropes, because then I know you'll have hours of reading without me having to do anything else.
- David Morgan-Mar

Somewhere on the TV Tropes Wiki is a theory that Bill and Ted are Time Lords, but I'm not going to provide a link because that would involve entering the TV Tropes Wiki, and it might be months before I came out again.
- Irony-chan

"Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death."
"Yeah. The police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets."
— Mr. Furious and the Bowler, Mystery Men

"It should be simple, all you have to do is cut the red one."
"They're both purple."
—Ciaphas Cain

Norman Osborn: Something occurs to me — either Spider-Man is destroyed, or you get Oscorp — whatever happens, you win.
Kingpin: That's why I'm the Kingpin.
— Spider Man The Animated Series, The Spider Slayer

"The key to strategy...is not to choose a path to victory, but to choose so that all paths lead to victory."
— Cavilo, The Vor Game

Military Commander: Tim, they've got your wife!
Tim: But I'm not married!
Military Commander: You are now... To AMERICA!
— Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, "Exploder" commercial on V-Rock.

"Hercules is supposed to be as strong as ten ordinary men. I don't see why eleven ordinary men never just got together and beat the crap out of him."
—Jeremy Hotz

Longshanks: Archers.
English Commander: I beg your pardon sire, but... won't we hit our own troops?
Longshanks: Yes. But we'll hit theirs as well. We have reserves. Attack!
— Braveheart

O'Kais: Do the deaths of your soldiers mean so little to you? Are you that mad?
Thule: Do the deaths of yours mean so much to you, alien? Are you that weak?
— Warhammer 40000: Dawn Of War: Dark Crusade

"Did I mention I'm the villain? No? BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO."
— The Nostalgia Critic

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
The Sandman (Issue #6, 24 Hours)

"'Let me give you some advice, Captain,' he said, 'It may help you to make sense of the world. I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.'"
— Lord Vetinari, Guards! Guards!

"I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life were fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe."
— Marcus Cole, Babylon 5 — A Late Delivery from Avalon

Grytpype: My Card.
Neddie: But it's blank.
Grytpype: Business is bad.