For the first time in my life I'm experiencing what it's like to truly hate someone. I've tolerated him because he is one of my best friends boyfriend, but something just snapped, and I had a realization that the strange feeling I held for him was loathing.
I've hated things before in my life, and I've disliked people, but nothing to this degree. Every time I even think about him it makes me feel nauseous, and there's this flare of anger, or I want to just lay down and cry my eyes out.
That last one made me a bit confused until I really thought about it. I don't want to cry because I hate him, but because I know how it will end if I tell my friend all the stuff he's done, such as hitting on me when she's in the next room, or if I point out how he treats her, not letting her talk to her other best friend because he sees him as a threat. The end is obvious, just as she chose him above her friend, she'll chose him again over me. It doesn't matter if she finally comes around and sees the truth. I'll be the one who told her, ruined her life, and there will be no salvaging our friendship.
She says she loves him, and I believe her, but I can't understand why. But the thing I hate most about him is when he says he loves her too, because it's so obvious to anyone on the outside that he doesn't. How can he claim to love her when he doesn't trust her? When he hits on me? When he threatens to break it off because he thinks she's sleeping with someone else just because she gave then a ride home? How can anyone claim to love someone else when they obviously don't and the other does? I just don't understand, with all the other crap that goes on in this world, why someone would want to add to it by being so cruel.
The other thing I hate about him: I no longer know if I believe true love is a reality anymore.
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FairyAiko
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