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Self Conclusions
I know it's also a song by The Spill Canvas (I freaking love them btw). Anyway back to the point.
The whole reason people even bother thinking about things it to reach one conclusion. If they think about themselves a person then its a self conclusion. If it's about the world around them it's an environmental conclusion.
So what is the big deal about self analyzing? I don't understand why I'm supose to come up with this huge self conclusion. Really not much to anazlying in my life.
I was born (big ******** deal)
I had my first birthday (my grandfather also died that year)
I grew up, went to school and was also kept in an abusive home (Do I get a cookie now?)
I lived in that house for a while
I moved to where I was now
I became depressed
I became suicidal at the age of 8
I dealt with it by MYSELF (Like so many other things in my life)
I tried killing myself at the age of 10 (I failed)
I went to jr high
I went to high school
I had three more suicide attempts (Nothing to be hospitalized for)
I had a pain killer addiction
I had a long term long distance relationship (That failed and he didnt have the balls to tell me. ******** coward)
I had a local relationship (Only wanted sex and kept telling me how he was going to rape me. Wonderful eh?)
I turned 18 (Shitty birthday)
I now drink whenever I have the chance or the money
I have three anti-suicidal contracts (Two with councelors and one psychiatrist)
I bet you're wondering how the ******** I can still manage to wake up in the morning and fact the day with a smile or a laugh. Well you're about to get your answer.
I DON'T.
It's that simple. I rarely smile (my only true friend could attest to that). Most of the time when I do. I have no idea if Im faking it or not. I've faked so many things in life by now like feelings, words, things I should feel but dont. Hell I even fake my sanity somedays.
How can I do that?
Simple. My life has no meaning. Whatever meaning it did have was ******** ripped from me without warning at all so now it's like why am I still even here?
So if you're going to comment or message me saying why dont I just get it over with and end it.
You are probably exactly like the people that made me this way. So remember.
I may be a b***h, but I was NOT born that way. ******** like you did.
P.S: This does not mean you Bubbles.
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