So here I am...
Bored out of my mind.
Trying to think of how things will be In the future....
Sigh, so many things worry me, and some other things i just dont know...
When will I start to change?
Just when will my transition begin? I dont want to be trapped on this body for any longer, I want to be my true self, but I cant afford to right now...
I cant stand it, and im sick of how I cant do anything about it. At least I have people who accept me, who didnt judge me, and Im glad. But yet theres so many people that I know wont like me.... thats fine though, all I need is my friends.
...I still have problems with my parents, with everything else...
I cant sleep at night, everyday I end up falling asleep around 5-6am And waking up later than noon. Theres so much that I just dont know where to start...
I thought it would be easier, but its hard...
I feel like Im lying to everyone who doesnt know... but would it be worse if they did? how would they take it? I dont wanna know, since I rather feel the guilt of lying than making problems out of the situation.
My parents dont seem so support me on this at all, and they know about it! I cant start being happy, because well, my dad wouldnt afford so... All these changes Ill have, they will make me feel better, like my true self, how I shouldve always been. But why? why wasnt I born that way instead?! Why this way which i dont like...?
It only makes things harder for me... That, and my family problems which seem to have no end. When will my parents get a divorce? I just wonder when, and hope its soon.
Its hell with them both together, it would be nice with them separated, but I dont want to stay with either of them....
Right now I want to cry so badly, theres a lot of things bothering me... I dont know what to do, and if i knew, i couldnt do it....
Im so sad... So alone, left out, forgotten, and I... I wish all these tears I want to cry could do something good for me, other than help me release some stress...
I need to get away, but Its impossible for me to.
There's pains, there's worries, stress, thoughts, hopes... too much, and other things... Even when someone tries to cheer me up, why do I prefer to be sad? Why do I prefer to be sad? I do enjoy being happy, but why? Do I like to cry? I dont know...
I just want to escape from all of this, and scream out for how much I wanted to get out of it... Scream out everything, not knowing what Im saying...
Oh why won't these tears just come out? ...I keep thinking, even when I do want to cry, they wont come out, it hurts, it feels like a knot in my throat...
Why am I such an anti-social person? why can I only meet people through the internet? I was too secluded from people... my mother never wanted me to talk to anyone... I became shy, extremely shy, I became too emotional, never had a father to harden me up... I'm glad I didn't, I'd rather suffer because of my own depression, than be emotionless...
I rather feel pain, than nothing at all...
******** Tears come out!
Why wont they?! As much as I want to feel better, nothing can cheer me up...
I'm so confused, why can't everything just be a bad dream? That I can later wake up from, wake up to a fairy tale.... I know I sound stupid, but what else can I believe in?
Reality is too cruel, People don't care, and some are rotten and mean...
If there was truly a god, why didn't he make the world perfect from the start? If he is that great, why not take his "sons and daughters" out of misery? Why give them the chance to fall into being wrong?
I prayed so many times for change, but opportunities for change never came, I prayed for things to get better, In five years they never did, they eventually got worse...
Creeping_lml_Death Community Member 
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