I dunno..... i'm kinda pissed. Cuz i know what's going to happen because i've been through this whole scenario before.
it's exactly the same, just with different people.
i wanna say goodbye to everyone now, before they go.
before i block everything out and drown in my sorrows....
i wish i knew what to do to stop it....
i guess i would have to be a different person, just act completely different
so they'll wanna stay.
i guess im more sad than pissed....i want to be able to say these things aloud to people...
i dont wanna keep talking aloud to myself like a crazy person
but it feels like if im surrounded by people who wouldn't give a second glance if i were to stop, sit back, and watch them leave....
so i'll stick with ranting to myself and trying to make myself feel better...
i dont need people to care if theyre only gonna care when its convenient to them
u know? they're like, sorry i cant help u, i can kinda tell something's bugging u but i kinda wanna see this show....so i'll talk to you some other time... but then, they want me to be there 24/7 ready to help them when they need it...and when im not able to, they get mad at me...or bug me like 8000 times that day until im there to listen
usually im ready. usually im not busy doing anything cuz i dont have a life
and i wanna be there for them because i like people.
the idea of having a friendship makes me happy ^^
and i try extra hard to give people what they want, hoping to receive a mutual feeling in return
but that doesnt work....
im starting to believe a few people when they tell me that im being used
ha...the used ^^
oh well....typing it out kinda lets my emotes out....i guess other than myself the closest thing i have is this thing, where i can write out what im thinking
from,
viviana #$%&*
entry.16
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