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VampiricRogue
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Children Are Useless. (Satire Paper)
It has always been a wonder to mankind that if children are such a problem then why is it that people still seem to want to have one of their own? Each child is the same, on the terms of being a selective-hearing, self-centered, and ridiculously stupid. Parents tell others of how their little boy is going to be a soccer professional just because they have such a strong interest to the sport, to being first-chair clarinet for four years running is not something worth while to talk about. Very few children end up as great of an artist as Leonardo da Vinci, but publicly, with their born talents of Picasso, is not socially accepted among fellow adults.

There are stories of children who supposedly save people's lives. Rescue 911, a show that aired in the 1980's and early 1990's, displayed videos of children who had done just that. One child's mother had fainted from an earlier neck injury. Her five-year-old son had saved her life by crawling underneath the dashboard and pressing on the break with his hands as hard as he could, shortly followed by putting it in park; to which might be an amazing story, if it was probably because the parent didn't have their child in a car seat made them think it was fine to unbuckle themselves when she became out of commission. If not, then there are better ways to display your love for pickup-trucks then to pretend to be Superman.

Chess as a whole is just a frivolous thing, it is a game that is far to complicated for simple minds. A ten-year-old by the name of Vladimir Kramnik beat a fifteen-year-running worldwide chess champion, Gary Kasparov. As shameful as this might have been for the man to loose to someone so young, perhaps he simply got tired of the game, or probably felt he needed to go easy on the child. Whatever the reason may be to let Vladimir win, must have been a good one.

One video on the internet displays a freakishly-flexible child, who thought instead of constantly pumping quarters into a crane-game machine, thought to take an alternative route by climbing into the prize slot and coming up and inside of the machine to get the toy of choice. Although this child apparently did not read the rules of the game by using the crane with a lot of patience, they thought it better to simply take an alternative route to get the same, if not better results. Only a child would think of something as ridicules, and life threatening, as to climb inside a toy machine.

A medical emergency could happen at any time of the day, but the worst time would be when there is no one else to help you other then a child. True that there are records of children who had saved the lives of friends, siblings, and adults by successfully performing Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) or the Heimlich Maneuver, to which thease possible commendable acts still make more then enough people to think that they could still be unable to perform such tasks simply because of their age.

Children also say despicable things that have nothing to do with the subject as a whole. Although there are several cases to where selective people in churches would ask about the ten commandments, one story seems to come to mind. A woman near the back of the church had asked the preacher which commandment would effect family members, to which an awfully rude child then interrupted by yelling his own response of 'thou shalt not kill.'

It is thease facts and more that children could not possibly uphold the responsibilities of an adult. They hold more, and are only spoiled by the adults who raised and socialized with them to implant the ideas of how worthless such people can be, or will be.

The opinions and views of this paper are completely stupid and incorrect and do not reflect the views of it's writer at all.




 
 
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