♥ I've got a smile on my face and a [******** you attitude...
{♥*whew* what a week. Well, instead of suspense, shall I start with last sunday? Mind you it is loooooong *giggle*
Last sunday a neighbor of mine invited me to chill at his place with a bunch of his friends...after some drama I ended up chillin there for a few hours before retirin to my apt. The next day I came back from work and found 6 roses lyin in front of my door ontop of petals from the other 6 in the bouquet. My neighbor (he really likes me, but he hasn't acted on it and I don't plan on my end) and his buddy (from last nights party) saw it. Now these roses didn't have a note or anythin else with them and they were a little worried for me. When I saw them I thought it was my neighbor, but he said he didn't and his friend even agreed. We kept tryin to think of who could have done this...well it was very cute that the both of them said that they are gonna try to find out who did this so they can keep their eyes out for him and prepare themselves to kick his a** if he did anythin wrong against me.
Well over this past weekend my neighbor drew and wrote a cute note sayin that he "saw the flower thought I would like it cause it smells almost like roses" and posted it on my door next to the magnolia placed on my doorknob. The weather here has been off and on so I haven't been able to wear my kitty assecories. tuesday I went to my usual karaoke and did my thin (if I ever get to it, i'll make a video and post it so yall can see me in action ^_^ *giggle* ) by the end of the night I was exhausted from dancin with a few buddies of mine (meringue is so fun ^_^) and a little bit of drama happened but I got it all cleared out so there's no need to mention it the rest of my week was a little off with normal drama and the like.
Thursday I went into work and for a month now a business next to where I work is goin out of business. I ran into one of the gentlemen that work there. He's a much older man with not many option available to him that are to many youngins that have the advanced computer experience. When I asked him how he was today he replied that he was a bit bummed that he was gonna lose his job. I looked at him and told him with a smile "You're not losin your job, your havin better opportunities openin up for you." This gave him a smile and he told me that I was right, but it would be hard for him. I told him to do his best and they will come if he tries hard enough. He went about his day as did I.
Saturday comes and I was workin again, he saw me and made his way to me. When I greeted him and asked how he was he told me that he is gonna lose his job in 7 days but he decided to start a small business in photography. He said that what I told him a few days back really got him thinkin and he figured this would be a good idea to try. After he left it made me realize how much I am still ignorin myself on the important thins. I was so upset at myself for allowin so much pain to revisit my life that I didn't realize completely that I was still pullin some of myself down. I sometimes get too much into bein everyone's wonder woman, that I forgot that the same strength and courage I'm givin to others can help me too. He gave me his new business card and I intend to keep it with me so that whenever I feel as low as he looked that I will remember the feelin he got when I gave him hope.
Last night I was invited to chill with a few other friends of mine (who are "rednecks" wink and strangely I felt home with them. I now know what I am specifically lookin for. I want my place out amongst the stars and away from the cities made of concrete. I want the culture to be different around me and the ability to experience different cultures. I realize that is home for me, and I know there is more to it, but I have yet to discover it. There's somethin I want to add to that, but before I do and in order for you to understand, I will tell you about what happened today.
A "man" came up to me and greeted himself, asked what I was doin and what my job is all about. I answered his questions with honesty. After I was finished he then continued to talk to me, but his discussion had change to "pickin me up". He asked if I wanted to go out for dinner and if I liked movies. I told him that I wasn't interested and that I am not one of those horses you ride. he laughed and told me that I was funny. Not amused I smiled a little and told him that he isn't sayin anythin different from what I had heard before from many many many MANY others. He continued to insist that he wasn't like them, blah blah blah. I still wasn't interested in him. he asked me why I didn't have a man and I told him that the ones I have met only are interested in tryin to ride this wild horse. He laughed again and said that he sees that he's gonna get along with me just fine. After continuin to try and get my number he walked away, but just before doin so he mentioned that somewhere down the line I'm gonna look back and wonder why I didn't give him a chance. I quickly replied that there is no need to look back if you have no regrets and he's one of them that there's nothin to regret.
A few hours later he came by the office I work in and dropped off a note. I read it when I finished my shift because of course I was curious what he read. I read the first sentence and then just scanned it because he was just continuin on with how he just wanted a friend and that I should give him a chance, blah blah blah...his email was ridiculous and it made me laugh even more at how his email was. I torn the paper up and threw it away...no regrets. It was a little strange though earlier that day my coworker through misc conversations asked me if I have ever dated a black guy. I told him I did when I was younger, but found that growin up they are too controllin. I remember throughout high school seein constantly a girl/woman tellin her bf/whatever (black male) no or leave me alone or whatever that's similar and him continuin to hover over her insistin on whatever it was he was tryin to convince her (and I've notice that some hispanics are like that too..only the older generation and the newer generation...there are some rednecks that are like that too, the older OLDER generation). This is how the conversation was strange...the "man" that was tryin to ask me out was black and his first comment to me when he asked my age was that he doesn't go higher that 21 (and he claimed he was 27 or somethin).
Anyways after a few hours I started thinkin about my day and realized another thin that made me feel at home was a cowboy. I feel strangely drawn to them because I feel so close to understandin them. I realized that I want my all around guy..not someone "exotic" or "built" just your blue collar down in the dirt and grease, go muddin with in a truck cowboy. And the guys I was with last night helped me realize the kind of man I want. But here's my dilemma...how can I take a cowboy from home to culture? or bring the culture to home? I find myself torn between two loves: Culture (french/ Europe) and my "dream cowboy". I have found my quest for personal happiness. Wish me luck?♥}
... because from this day forward I'm livin my life for myself. ♥
