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Deciding on my own.

I never wanted to be alone,
my fantasy of him slips into my head with every breath,
so maybe I should stop breathing.
Sometimes I wish moments in my fantasy would be real
and last forever in my life.
Sometimes when I'm waiting for him,
I become unhappy
because I feel like I will never be loved.
But then I think of you and realize somethings are worth waiting for.
And they ask me whats so special about him,
but I don't tell them,
because I'm afraid they would fall in love with him too.
If his blood could give me happiness,
I'd ask for a drop.
If his breath could fill my soul,
I'd ask for a whisper.
If his tears could save my life,
I'd say not a word for I would rather die than see him cry.
I'll stop loving him
when diamonds never sparkle
and flowers cease to grow
When thunder never echoes
and rivers don't flow
When hearts no longer wonder
and hands are never held
When smiles are only memories
and hope is but a dream
When trees no longer blossom
and stars refuse to shine
When God alone commands me
then I'll stop loving him.
My eyes tremble to see the sight of you,
as if you were my drug,
but I must leave you behind my past,
so that our love will wither away into the nothingness.