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It seemed like a more than appropriate time to repost this, so here it is..... sweatdrop

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Those that know me, you know how this will play out. For new friends and readers, I'm going straight to the point.

What is it that keeps us chasing this thing that we've come to call love?? Is it the hopes that another will bring us all the things that we need to be truly "happy"?? Do we truly believe that, to
have a full life, we can only find such in the company of another?? Or maybe we have the romantic notion that all the pieces that we feel are missing from our own everyday lives can be found somewhere else, like so many puzzle pieces under a refrigerator, or in the coat pocket of someone we have yet to meet?? I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that I've been caught up in the game for as far back as I can remember. Since the days of Thundercats and Space Invaders, I can clearly recall my grandpa asking me about all the girlfriends I had at school. Being a kid, AND it being my grandpa, one of my most favourite people in the world, of course I lied through my teeth. "Oh yeah, Pops, I have TONS of girlfriends", knowing full well that that was as far from the truth as you could get. Back then, girls scared the HELL out of me, {like they don't now, huh?? hehheh} Seriously, they were about as alien to me as a monster on Voltron or M.A.S.K. But, and heres the important part, it mattered to me that he thought I DID have a ton of girlies chasing me. No, it didn't matter if they were chasing me, wanting to be my "girlfriend" or not; just that someone thought I was the "stud", the "ladies' man", so to say. The very next day, and I'll NEVER forget this, on the playground, I snatched this blue, glittery and shiny bracelet "thing" that Jennifer Sapp was wearing on her wrist, just so she would have to chase me. {As I said, I was a dude, EVEN THEN, what the hell did I know about talking to girls??} Alas, that only resulted in her brother punching me and her not talking to me until the fifth grade. And so, the game began.

Looking back, I can only wish to any gods awake and listening that love were as simple as it {apparently??} was back then. Think about it. When you were six or seven, did any of these words EVER cross your mind: fidelity, trust, trust issues, marriage, divorce, ex-husband/wife, ABORTION, alimony, STD's, mortgage, unexpected pregnancy??? Unless you're a bigger nerd than I was back then, probably not. But face it, friends, the older we get, not only does the word "love" take on more and more meaning, but it seems to become an even bigger game than the year before. And the new meanings always seem to be that much more darker and sinister, NEVER light and uplifting. Yet we still play the game.

Then, of course, there came high school. Oh, what a wonderful time to be alive, am I right??
At THIS POINT in the game, it didn't matter so much IF you were dating someone or not, as much as it did WHO you were dating. They had to be with the right group; friends with your friends; known in school as a cheerleader or an athlete; had their own car; will they put out; you know, all of the important things to a teenager. Holy Gods, thinking about it now, I wouldn't do any of that again on a bet, hehhehheh. But at the time, THIS is what love meant, no more, no less.

Next, and such the joy it was, we come to our first experiences in adulthood. Oh, the fun we had. What is it about turning twenty-one that makes us think we're "adults" all of a sudden?? Now that we're old enough to buy beer and vodka, we also get the notion in our heads that we can take the world by the balls. Honestly, we think we can walk over water if it means that we can be loved. For example:

"Oh, you're still married to your high-school sweetheart, BUT you're getting a divorce??
NO PROBLEM!!"

"Oh, you're still living together, BUT only until you can get on your feet??
NO PROBLEM!!"

"Oh, you have three kids from three different fathers??
NO PROBLEM!!!!!!!"

Yeah, right. Look, folks, I'm being honest here with you, as always. We ALL have baggage, no lie there. Thats just a charming little side-effect of what I like to call LIFE. BUT C'MON!!! We all know that, at that age, we're ALL "young, dumb, and full of c**" to quote my father's ever-so-eloquent words. We all think that we're each a God among the mere mortals that are here to serve our will. Well, to anyone still at that point in life, NEWSFLASH!!!!!! No, you're not. Keep in mind the basic rules of gambling; the more you BET, the more you RISK, the more likely you are to lose your a** in the end. Trust me, its a given.

Now, before I go on, I feel I must state for the record, I AM NOT A PESSIMIST. I am in NO WAY a manically depressed, suicidal, hate-myself-and-I-wanna-die kinda person. I'm just laying out all the facts as I see them, and sharing them with those that I have come to call friends. And, if I'm lucky, I may get some response and possibly, even a little enlightenment in certain areas; but, I smoke, so forgive me if I don't hold my breath.

Where does that leave us, you ask me in unison?? Good question. Here I sit, typing these words as a newly-aged Thirty Year Old, and I can honestly say this. I have NO ******** IDEA. If life, AND love, came with a guide book, then I lost mine a LOOOONG time ago, {or traded it for some Garbage Pail Kid cards, hehheh}. I DO know that, having written this, and you {possibly??} having read it, hasn't so much as helped me feel better as it has to help clear some of the dust and cobwebs out of my head. No, I doubt this will help anyone in ANY significant way, {if it DOES, by Gods make sure to contact me and tell me HOW, so I may take a lesson from my own words}; and I doubt anyone will see any kind of warning in my words. After all, love is a game that WE ALL have to play, in our own way; destined to lose or not, and to try to make the best sense of it as we each see fit.

Where now, you may ask?? Well, I guess that really is different for each of us. Knowing what I know, and thinking of my previous experiences, MY path is very clear to me indeed.

I'm off to play the game some more, and see what the next round has in store. Hell, if nothing else, I'll have something to add to this in ten years time.

Ciao.

-adomlee