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There's nothing more humbling than when a rich man realizes that he has nothing at all, or when a wise man realizes that he is but a fool.

(The same goes for women, mind).

As a part of growing up, this is something I suppose people learn one way or another. There's no 'if's, 'and's or 'but's to the matter. Sooner or later....we learn a lesson like this. Dammit, did I ever learn my lesson.

If it's one thing I'm aware of, it's this: nineteen years of a hermetic lifestyle, consisting mostly of books and games and research have made me more than a little conceited conserning my so-called 'wisdom'. In laymans terms, I was and still am a bit of a know-it-all. How much of a know-it-all I come off as, I'll leave to my friends to determine. They're the ones who put up with it.

I don't want to excuse it. Everyone has a flaw, but that's a piss-poor reason to go around like I do. Heck knows how many slaps to the face I've got in reserve, or how many I deserve in the first place...but that's neither here nor there. I had my comeuppance, in a way.

For decency's sake, I'm not going to mention names. The entire situation involves a lot of people, but there's no reason to put their names out here. This, that is, my situation, doesn't require their knowledge. The long and short of it is this: for a certain amount of time, a friend of mine has come to me, pouring his/her heart out to me concerning a problem s/he's been having. Good friend that I am (not to mention bored), I've never turned him/her down. Goodness knows I've become his/her Devil's Advocate in the matter. I would always give him/her advice, though. I figured, 'Hell, I must know how I can solve this! I mean, I've read so much!'

The truth of the matter was, I wasn't helping. I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong, and it wasn't until last week that I realized it. The futility of my actions, my ignorance in the whole matter...it made me cry for the first time in three years.

I brought it upon myself. I thought I could be a hero, that I could just do everything. I could just fly in on a prayer and make it all better...ha. I was just stroking my ego. For all I know, I must have made things worse, on one level or another.

If nothing else, at least I learned an important lesson: in our desire to want to help, our 'helpful' urges might make things worse. It took me nineteen years to learn that. As someone put it to me, some people never do, but I'm not 'some people', and I don't care about 'some people'.

I just can't believe my friend was able to put up with my ignorant jackassery for so long. Then another friend actually had the stuff in him/her to hear me out after the whole thing hit me. It almost feels like a punishment, having such patient people around. I just wanted to help, I wanted to see my friend happy, and I was just getting in the freaking way, and s/he just put up with it.

The worst part of this fiasco is that, someday, my friend's situation will happen to me. I don't want that. I don't care what I might get out of it, I don't want it. Call me a spoiled brat if you will, but I don't want any of it! If I have to go through that kind of pain, then just run me over with a tank!

This just goes to show how much I know. And to add to that, people actually put up with it.