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I'm really ******** pissed right now. Art is being a d**k. More of a d**k than usual. All I want to do is lock myself in my room and talk to Susan via IM. But no, my ******** Yahoo has to glitch again. And it won't fix this time. I can send messages, but it won't display anything someone types to me. I ******** hate that. And it always does it when I really really want to talk to someone. I'm so sick of this bullshit. I want to find Yahoo Messenger's beta testers and murder their children in front of them, purely because they suck. Hope that fat ******** has a heartattack. Hope it happens right in front of my so I can see the ******** look on his face. b*****d. Meh, on a lighter note, Jan came home from that bullshit Christmas Lunch that my b***h Aunt Pat holds every year. I made an even $100 from my uncles. Pat gave me a queer scarf.

Bored and still pissed... so I'll add to this...

I'm just really mad right now. Lots of s**t is not working out. My Yahoo sucks, Sam told me sommat strange, and I'm just ******** pissed in general. I want out of this shithole house. I would like to help Sus get out of her house. I just want to be with Sus after I give Ginger a good slap. Then I'll beat the hell out of Art. Stupid b*****d. I'm tired, I don't feel good, I'm lonely, feeling numb as usual and I really want to punch someone. I really don't care who, so long as I can hurt them. I need to re-string my acoustic and I need to get some new strings for my bass. I haven't changed them in forever and they're starting to rust through, so my one working bass sounds like s**t.

Gods, I wish life was simpler. I wish people could mind their own business and not think that they can control how others act and feel. I bet crime would decrease drastically if that happened. People need to just start looking for happiness again, instead of trying to be in control. Control is an illusion. You can't control others, sometimes, you can't even control yourself. So stop ******** trying. Just live your own ******** life.

I'm sick of my own mind. Thoughts keep moving through my head. I don't like most of them. They scare the s**t out of me. I'm sick of feeling numb. I'm not a ******** pawn. I always feel like one. I always feel like I'm not even responsible for the choices I make. Sometimes I don't know if I am making my own choices anymore. I don't know what I want or need anymore. The only thing I do know is that I love Susan and my friends more than anything and that keeps me going. But I want to feel like an actual person, so I can be better for them.

I may go for a walk tonight. I don't know... I just want to walk in the dark. I may go to the park. Its surrounded by trees, so at night, its pitch black. I love to just lay down in the grass and stare at the nothingness. I find it calming. Probably cuz its the only thing that I can find thats more nothing than I feel...

Tunage:
Killswitch Engage - When Darkness Falls



Grim, Suicidal and ******** Up
yay, another poem that'll get me called emo...

Wasted and bleeding, I lift up my fist,
As I pick up my knife, and aim for my wrist,
The darkness is heavy, the madness lies thick,
I puked on the floor, I'm drunken and sick

In the following minutes, mutilation takes place,
There's blood all over my wrists and face,
I'm screaming in anguish, I'm paying the cost,
I challenged the razor, I fought and I lost

Pain becomes numbness, as blood turns to ice,
I'm ripping my heart out, to meet my demise,
No one will reach me, I bolted the door,
My brain in a frostshock, my guts on the floor

And as my eyes close for the last ******** time,
The story of my death, not exactly sublime;
Life is a battle that you can not win,
My heart has stopped beating, I die with a grin