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after every deed is done

my life has sank into my endless thoughts

my mind no longer gives me ease from life's troubles

it has turned against me

the life i have once known is nothing more than a dream

my heart which was so open and free to all those who had crossed my path

those people have erased me from their lives so i am non-existant

life passes me by as i sit here

nothing can take me from the hell i have created for myself

this is what my frozen heart desires

it wishes for me to suffer

a mistake, just one has destroyed everything

i no longer can hold my arms out for comfort

no longer can i say those three words

i'm no longer good enough to have one's pity

once the thought of someone's pity would have angered me.

now it only seems like an unreachable gift

a gift that would cost too much for me to risk to grasp it

though i have nothing but myself

and that is all i will ever have

i am but a cross to path

i'm no longer the person i used to be

i have grown older and i can't laugh the way i used to

it seems fake to even my ears

my smiles are brittle and weak as i give them

though they are numerous

my head has grown heavy with the weight of this world

it seems as though i will crush under it's pressure

let me be free

this viscious heart holds chains about my wrists

i wish to be alone

suicidal thoughts have caused me only more pain

i cannot succumb to those thoughts

no matter how tempting

my heart defies me that bliss

i don't want to lose this fight with myself

i have nothing to lose

only myself



by me