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this thing would be completely out of the blue... I don't care if anyone reads it, I odn't care if any one f-you's me cuz I forgot you did something I should have remembered...I just feel like thanking... I will sound retarded and everything that goes along that line...I just thought I forgot to say thank you to most of the cool ppls in gaia who I would probably never meet in life and when i do meet you...I probably won't know it's you...that thought sorta makes me sad, call me weird but I think it would have been nice to see everyone cuz in gaia you only see people's personality. it's kinda nice, you meet people by personalities but you never get to see them... okay side tracked... shootin star, like my bff like ever, totally was aoi_coco for me and I would have never been here if it wasn't for her. I thanks her...she'll probably think it's like uhh... I dunno... She told me everything I needed to know and like gave me stuff for me to survive and if she didn't...I would have been completely...just, a norm.... and I next thank Punk Hazzarddd cuz he was like the first nice guy I met here and he gave me the most expensive thing at that time, and it was my first rod. the strength rod is like the shiit, liek I never use my other ones and that would be like the most important item I ever would have in gaia. I would never sell it or give it to anyone...I just wish I could give more thanks to him than I ever showed, now that he's not on...I like miss talking to him... thanks... there's another guy I've met, I forgot his name but he called me a pitch with a b....he letted me know, that there would be asssholes sometimes in gaia and you would never know... sounds weird to thank a guy that doesn't like me would be but...hey, I thought everyone was like super nice and loving.....ha... wow. actually, I wouldn't want ppls to read this huh? Ina Maax was suuper nice to me and I really appreciated that. thanks. and, I really wanna thank other ppls too but, you guys keep changing your name, I hardly even rekcognize you!...I feel kind of sad, not like oh pathetic sad but crying sad. I forget things I really never would want in like a long time, I feel so senile...I don't know, it's l=just emotionally hard for me... I guess... well thank you for everything and I know it sounds liek a GOODBYE WORLD kind of state ment.. but no. I'm not anykind of a suicidal girl. no thoughts of killing myself at all. but I hope one day, everyone visits me at my future clinic..or hospital somewhere, someday. because you all are like the best....I don't wanna sound stupid...but it's kinda the truth......... maybe the sleeping issue for me is screwing my brain or something... I remember I totally stoked my friend when I asked her if she was going to be like my friend like forever until we become old and wrinkly and she kinda freaked out and was like dude, are you okay? I mean I really ment what I said, but I guess I deep think things, it almost makes me cry to think about it... I guess it's just mood swings...sure.....huh? well, if your curious or even care for that matter about that friend I said that with. I'm not friends with her anymore, she really changed after awhile, it really hurt me to hate her, but I did... I feel pathetic in a way to be even mad at her, but I couldn't help how she would act like she wanted to ruin me... I thought little fights happen, but I guess that one sliced our friendship away, it's kind of depressing...
I hate how life is cruel...
but even though she would be a mean person all around and is like desperate she still is a person who just wants attention. I guess I get why she get's mad all the time cuz I remember how she used to tell me her parents and her brother was always so cruel to her and guys she knew since she was little thought she was mean, she was just acting everything she wanted to do to them on me. she felt confortable to give me all the mental breakdowns because she knew I would understand and wouldnt' take it personally. I guess everythign she said wasn't for me, but she was trying to blow off steam... I guess it took me till now to know why. damn.. I see it now, she acts so nice and like chill around everyone else but beat me down cuz she sees herself in me. but still, how did she expect me to know that when she did what she did and completely erasing me. She knows that she can't keep secrets and I would have never told her, she knew and yet she blew me off. it's both cruel and pointless. Expecially haivng to take 2 weeks wondering what she was overly upset about... I feel half of what she feels, but she doesn't know how much I know her pain and even more. she wouldn't even know even if I told her, cuz it's pointless if you weren't there. She's filled herself with lies and misery, I forgot how she really was like her true personality. this is why I hate life's cruelty. I've been through more with a smile on my face, but she just wanted to see me fall down even harder. she lost complete compassion and selflessness. I don't think I'll ever forget this though. sounds unreal but it's how. I don't know. it's so sad. I'll never forget.
damn I hate living with regret.
I think this is the longest entry I have ever made... if there;s more. it better be better than this one...
 aoi_coco · Sat Jul 11, 2009 @ 11:36am · 0 Comments |
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