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二十歳！i am finally 20! and i have work in...8 hours. oh goody. i've only had a job since 7/16. and i've actually been working for about..8 days, i had two days off. i have work today, tomorrow, thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday. a full 2 weeks. why am i actually writing this out? well for one..ever since i started working my memory and stamina has been affected. my memory...is at it's worst. as of now i can't recall anything i did today or yesterday. i'm just at a loss as of now. today, wasn't so bad. usually i can handle pressure well. but it gets worse for me if i feel pressure and helpless at the same time. in my job i have to converse with customers all the time and there are times where i am nervous and it definitely shows. i'm trying to relax but it's difficult. the thing is that my aunt arrived today from the philippines. which is nice.

but my first couple of days actually woking on my own and it's just shaky. i feel like i'm not meeting the expectations of the managers. i should be strong calm and relax. but while i'm at work i just end up building up my feelings and at one point i just crash and it shows. for a few days i've actually been dreading to come to work. all of my coworkers are really nice. me on the other hand...i have a smile on my face but once i get to my lunch room..i look really emo.

for the first week i was expecting that i was going to be able to work my area easy but i was wrong. so very very wrong. i had to learn a lot more, apparently training is a lot longer than i thought it was. i know my friends and my family tell me that give it time, it'll get better. but..to me i just don't feel..how do i say it..comfortable there. honestly. i feel so out of place it's not even funny. the whole time i'm working and someone asks me a question i have no idea what they are talking about. i only know my specific department and that's it. the other coworkers are cutting me slack since i'm still new. but i'm really thinking twice about working where i am. i just seem like i'm really whiny but i working in a place i rarely go on my own. i mean the pay is good but i feel uncomfortable working there because in that specific field; i have very limited knowledge in that field because frankly i'm not the one least bit interested in that field whatsoever. i really should have considered checking other places that were hiring before i jumped into the current place i work at now. when i look back i feel kinda stupid. guess i should never do things spur of the moments huh? well wish me luck for my remaining time at work. night.

later<3

krissy<3