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Prepare to ohh, ahhh, be completely flabbergasted *yes, flabbergasted*,
and of course chuckle, guffaw, snicker, laugh, snort and go 'pbbthhh!'.
Chapter 6:
The Five Z’s

Agent Sorrow was very, very confused. A few minutes ago she was being approached by very violent and furry aliens. And now she was sitting on a pillow drinking tea out of petrified wood cup. At least the tea tasted good. She ran her situation over in her mind.
She had been discovered by these aliens who at first seemed very hostile indeed. As they approached her, one stepped out from the crowd and roughly grabbed her by the shoulders with two of his four arms. Agent Sorrow would have resisted immediately, but the creature had several highly sharp S-shaped blades hanging from a strap tied around his waist made her think otherwise.
He was then escorted silently into one of the root cavities of the Ddesmolikk Symbiosis Pyynes.
What she saw inside surprised her very much. It was quite dim, the only light coming from small scented candles placed periodically around the room. The floor was almost entirely covered in a whole mish mash of rugs, some solid colors and some with intricate and exquisite woven designs. As for furniture there was a round, low table in the center with several sitting cushions placed around it. There was also a slat of wood chained to the far wall so that it stuck out like a bed. On the bed were several fluffy pillows and an overlarge blanket that draped all the way to the floor. In one of the corners sat a drab little teapot suspended over a tray of coals with round cups placed in a circle around it. Beside were placed two great cabinets, each big enough to fit a man inside. On the cabinets doors were carved detailed designs of what appeared to be different kinds of leaves. Agent Sorrow didn’t pay much mind to his at first.
What she did pay attention to were the walls, or rather, what was on the walls. Every square inch of wood was covered by maps. There were big maps, small maps, medium sized maps, topographical maps, geographical maps, political maps, and a really obsolete road map of New Mexico. The weirdest thing about the maps (excluding the one from New Mexico) was that Sorrow didn’t recognize any of the places depicted. Before she could puzzle any longer about the maps she was prodded further into the root dwelling and shoved forcibly onto a soft fluffy cushion.
“Do you like the tea?” asked the four armed flying monkey creature, not so threatening now that he set down his arsenal of golden S-shaped throwing knives.
“Um, yeah?” answered Sorrow, confused.
The alien paused for a moment. He too, seemed very unsure about something. “Sorry, I am unfamiliar with your language. Was that an answer or a question that you just said?”
Sorrow decided to respond truthfully. “Both,” she replied with confidence.
The creature looked even more befuddled, gave Sorrow an apologetic glance and reached behind him with three of his four arms, the remaining limb drumming its four fingers on the table. Soon an old dusty stack of what looked like thick leaves strung together with vine was retrieved from an old trunk. On the leaves were purple symbols and scribbles written in a tight, cramped script. The creature flipped through the leaves rapidly until he finally stopped somewhere in the middle. After scrutinizing the writings thoroughly he cleared his throat with a low grunt and began.
“Do you like the tea?” he repeated slowly and deliberately being careful not to mispronounce one syllable.
“Yes,” answered Agent Sorrow once more, tiring of this whole ordeal.
The beast flipped through his book of leaves stopping here and there. Finally he spoke in the same cautious manner as before, “Did the tea taste like an infusion of fragrant and aromatic blossoms?”
Sorrow was, as probably goes without saying, slightly taken off guard by this. She took another sip of the tea and realized it actually did remind her of flowers. “Wow. You’re right, it does taste an infusion of fragrant and aromatic blossoms.”
“Like the one’s you would find in a field during springtime?”
“Yes!”
“Perfect. I’m a Root Dwelling Shaalkk, my name is Hyjiff Marr of the Juuk clan, and it’s so very nice to meet you.”
“I’m Agent Sorrow, and it’s nice to meet you too.”
“So you’re an agent?”
“That’s what I just said, are you deaf?”
“More tea? I call this one ‘Cleansing Jungle Brew’.”
Agent Sorrow was utterly silent as her cup was filled once more. The burbling sound of the dark liquid splashing against the inside walls of the small vessel filled the home and was absorbed by the spongy walls. Sorrow picked up her cup and slowly took a sip and found that it was as marvelous as the first batch. “You really like tea don’t you?” she asked, eyeing the alien.
“Of course,” responded Hyjiff. “Tea’s one of the Five Z’s of Shaalkk culture, along with Battle, Exploration, Family, and Horticulture.”
“None of those start with Z,” Agent Sorrow said plainly, shaking her head.
“But they do in our language.”
“Why am I even here?”
“Let us not trouble ourselves with such questions at the moment, please enjoy what my humble home has to offer,” cooed Hyjiff, smiling a sickly sweet grin. He turned his back on the table. “I will fetch us some berries from my garden. Wait right there, and don’t run off!”
Agent Sorrow sat perfectly still; not a muscle moved in her entire body. Not so much that she wanted to obey Hyjiff, but she felt she was being watched. Actually, she knew she was being watched. She was certain that if she turned around, she would see a pair of green eyes staring at her through a hole in the door. So as not to seem suspicious, Agent Sorrow grasped the tea and tentatively took a sip. The steam wafted up into her face and she inhaled deeply. Sure enough, the tea simply reeked of a tropical rainforest.
Hyjiff Marr came bustling back into the root carrying a basket laden with all kinds of berries. There were purple berries, red berries, even a few yellow and green berries. Setting the basket on the table, he snatched up a plump crimson sphere and popped it into his mouth. Blood red juice spurted out onto his lips as he devoured the berries in a gluttonous frenzy. Agent Sorrow held one such red berry in her hand warily, as if it was liable to explode at any given second. She carefully split the sphere in two, and her face descended into an even grimmer expression than usual. Hyjiff Marr continued to devour berry after berry until the fur around his mouth was stained a dark maroon.
“You seem hungry,” commented Agent Sorrow sullenly.
The beast wiped his arm with the back of his hand and stared at Sorrow with his unpleasant eyes. “Yes, I truly am famished. And now that the hors d’oeuvres are put away, let us move on to the entrée of the evening.”
Hyjiff sprung up from the table, knocking it over in his haste. He drew himself up to his full height and stretched out his wings. The furry body blocked the fire, casting a ghastly shadow over Agent Sorrow. Slowly, his large lips parted, revealing a horrible maw full of glistening teeth dripping with blood red juice. Each fang ended in a barbed hook, was covered in terrible serrations, and was as long as a finger. He held out each of his four arms and flicked his wrists, and suddenly a horrific claw sprung from his twelve separate fingers, and they clanged and scraped together like knives. Hyjiff Marr sprung straight for Agent Sorrow, claws out, gnashing his teeth like a psychopath.
In mere seconds he was on the ground, weeping uncontrollably. Sorrow loomed over him, her gun still pointed straight at the thing’s chest. Five or so darts were already embedded in the ravenous beast’s hide, and that seemed to have done the job.
“There’s your entrée, Hyjiff Marr,” she murmured, reloading her handgun and walking out the door.
It was apparent they weren’t going to let her go that easy. There was a whole crowd of ravenous aliens waiting for her, drooling and handling their weapons barbarically. One dashed from the crowd and grabbed her with all our thick arms, laughing maniacally. It too opened his jaws to reveal an even more horrendous set of teeth than before. Agent Sorrow recoiled at the smell of its acrid breath, the choking stench of rotting carcasses. The beast lowered its face closer to her, its lips peeled back in a nightmarish grin, preparing to partake in a bloody, gruesome feast.
At this moment, Agent Sorrow forgot all of her formal skills and placed her foot with significant force in between the creature’s legs. Regardless of the alien’s anatomy, the thing seemed a bit stunned by this assault. Agent Sorrow then expertly knocked away the arms that were restraining her and struck the furry beast squarely in the torso. Pulling back, she spun once to gain momentum and then lashed out with her stiletto heels, nearly taking off the head of her inhuman aggressor with a perfectly executed roundhouse. The alien crumpled into a heap at her feet. Without pause she leapt to the nearest tree and began to climb.
The rest of the horde wasn’t going to let her go that easy. Several took to the air with a blood curdling screech, soaring after her. Agent Sorrow swung herself up onto a branch with a grunt, and removed her gun from its holster. She leveled the barrel at her pursuers at her three pursuers and fired. Each alien fell to the forest floor with a thud, a blue dart sticking out of their chests. The others seemed wary to continue the chase, and Sorrow wasn’t about to waste any time. She resumed her ascension as fast as she could. She finally reached the top and broke through the fresh, alien canopy when what she saw almost made her fall back to the ground.
Sitting, or rather floating, in front of her was a huge creature with closed eyes, and it was big as a house. It was as plump and rotund as a fresh peach dripping with dew that sparkled and shined like a thousand jewels in the light of the dawning sun. Actually, it looked quite like a humongous pear floating up in the ethereal blue. It’s stubby, diminutive arms and legs hung resting at the alien’s furry sides. The short soft fur that coated its body glistened in the scorching glare of Alpha Centauri. It had a nose akin to that of a rabbit’s, and it seemed to be twitching uncontrollably. A small mouth curled up into a soft, peaceful smile like the joyous icing on a pillow soft cake. Out of the top of its head there came a pair of massive, fluffy, and floppy ears that trailed all the way down to the feet, which was quite a ways. Each was as soft as the downy fuzz on a newborn chick and swayed lightly in the breeze. Its legs were tucked away into its body and only the four small toes could be seen dangling in the air.
Agent Sorrow absorbed all of this in speechless awe. She was staring, dumbfounded at the creature’s face when the eyes suddenly opened. Agent Sorrow had no choice but to stare back; the eyes captured her and held her secure, the eyes that were as deep as the abyss, black as pitch, and round and unmarred as fresh pearls. Suddenly a voice, comforting and feminine, drifted into Agent Sorrow’s mind.
“Greetings, my dear child,” it said. “What is my name?”
This question would have usually take Agent Sorrow off guard but for some reason she was unshaken. Still staring into the beast’s eyes, she opened her mouth to answer, but she stopped herself. There was a small glint of life in the dark pools that told her that the beast was the one speaking. How did she know what this thing’s name was? But, somehow, she did.
“Your name is N’tik,” Sorrow spoke quietly.
“Correct. My, you are a clever child,” replied the voice in her head. “I sense you are troubled. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” spat Agent Sorrow quickly.
“Now, now, anyone could see you are lying. What is the problem?” pressed the voice of N’tik.
Hate suddenly flooded into Agent Sorrow’s dark eyes. “They ate them,” she began lips trembling. “Those flying evil monsters ate all of them.”
“My dear, who are ‘them’?”
“The originals. I don’t know, really, just the actual root dwelling Shaalks.”
“What makes you accuse these flying evil monsters of such things?”
“They tried to eat me. And if they were carnivorous, then they didn’t belong where they were. And if they were carnivorous, they wouldn’t be eating berries. Besides, those weren’t berries. That was meat, plain and simple. They slaughtered and ate the Shaalks. All of them. A whole culture just got devoured in seconds. Why?”
“Oh my poor child,” cooed N’tik. “You are quite troubled, aren’t you?”
“Its not that I’m getting upset over this,” said Agent Sorrow rapidly and defensively. “I just want to know why such horrible atrocities happen, that’s all.”
“Bad things happen, surely even you are old enough to know that of all things,” explained the voice reasonably.
“N’tik, I was raised to believe that good people were rewarded and bad people were punished, no matter what.”
“Punished by what? Forgive me, but I am not familiar with your beliefs,” asked N’tik, still quiet and calm.
“I was taught that the bad were punished by God. If you sinned, bad things would come to you. I had that hammered into me near every day. But, I just don’t think I can believe that anymore. If that was true, those things down there would be punished, like so many other people I know. I came to this shuttle to escape my life and all the horrible things that came with it. I come here, finally, and it’s just more of the same. More slaughter, more pain, more death,” Sorrow’s voice increased in volume as she spoke, until her voice echoed over the tree tops.
“Oh,” The beast in front of Sorrow shook its head slowly. The voice was quiet for a moment. Then N’tik reached out deliberately with her lengthy ears and patted Sorrow on the shoulder like a mother would comfort a frightened child who just awoke from a nightmare on a stormy night. As soon as the downy fluff came into contact with her smooth skin, Sorrow felt a blissful warmth pulse trough her body, flowing into the deepest corners of her spirit. Agent Sorrow looked up into the face of the giant levitating beast, and for the first time in a long time she let her mouth slowly curve up into a weak smile. For the first time in a long time she let herself really feel. For the first time in a long time she let down her cold and impenetrable defenses. For the first time in a long time, Sorrow was happy. The ears slowly withdrew and returned to their places and the feeling of happiness was drained from Sorrow, leaving her feeling empty once more.
N’tik spoke once more, “Most people would expect me to give you a lecture about faith and an unshakable spirit. But I’m sorry. First I would like to tell you how proud of you I am for opening up to me like you just did. All I can tell you is that you have to believe whatever you personally believe. Don’t ever let anyone ever, ever tell you what is right and what is wrong for you. Your mind is your own. At least it was like that at birth. It is in everyone. If you choose to keep your mind your own, then I wish you good luck. You would be embarking on a long, difficult and noble journey.”
Agent Sorrow looked away and was silent.
N’tik continued, “I must now depart. I cannot tarry here for long.
Agent Sorrow looked back up, desperation in her eyes. “No! You can’t go!” she cried.
The beast shook its head. “I will see you again, with luck. Now I say goodbye, my child.” Suddenly, N’tik’s form flickered, like an image on a bad tape. The alien began to fade away slowly.
“Wait, please!” called Sorrow, near to tears as she clung to the treetop. “Who are you?”
N’tik smiled as she faded. “What do you believe?”
Agent Sorrow’s eyes glistened with tears. Breathing in sharp gasps, she clambered from treetop to treetop, pursuing the mysterious being. “Come back! Please!” she shouted, pleading to thin air. “Don’t go,” she said softly. Suddenly, she started to climb down. She went lifelessly, putting hand over hand until she reached the forest floor. A stream ran by, trickling softly in the dim light. Sorrow staggered over, limp and broken, and laid own by the bank. And then she cried. She cried until she drifted off to a short furtive sleep. She drank some of the water, crisp and cool. She lay down once more, and, all out of tears, fell asleep once again.
Sorrow was awoken abruptly by a furry slap in the face. Dazed, she blinked a few times and rubbed her sore eyes. Her vision now cleared, she peered up to see a four armed, two foot tall, and fluffy winged creature bending over her. Acting fast, she placed both her feet in the creatures gut and with push of her strong legs she sent the deceptively light creature soaring into a tree.
“Dammit,” she muttered, leaping up and seeing that she was surrounded. Roughly twenty aliens were closing in on her and there was now way she could fight them all of. She was just about to give it a shot anyway when one of them dashed up to her and hugged her legs lovingly.
“Boy, am I glad to see you!” said the beaming alien. Turning back to its fellows, it shouted, “Ookalaa!”
The rest of the creatures seemed overjoyed to hear this and all rushed at Sorrow, yelling ‘ookalaa’ at the top of their diminutive lungs and hugging her like crazy. All twenty of them clung to her like glue and were rubbing their soft faces against her when she finally overcame her shock.
“What the hell?!” she cried trying in vain to shake off the tenacious little aliens. “What’s going on?
All of a sudden a sharp call of, “Koowye!” arose from somewhere and the aliens leapt off of the flabbergasted agent and curled up into quivering balls on the ground. The call had come from the alien that got flung against a tree, and it was now walking slowly towards Sorrow, its bat like wings hanging limp at its sides.
“My name,” he said in a raspy voice, “is Hyjiff Marr. I am the chief and elder of the real Root Dwelling Shallks. Sit down and I will tell you a story.”





 
 
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