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There was this girl that I've known for about 2 years we've been friends but for the past year now, we begun to talk more, and connect on so many different levels, food tastes, lifestyle, gaming, she was one of those "really cool once you get to know them" people. And for someone like me, (Your usual reserved, shy, none-outgoing, quiet/mute guy) I just became like... Obsessed with this girl. Because I don't have friends, I don't have girlfriends, I don't like talking to people, I grew up alone. I didn't know what to say, how to feel, or how to deal with what was happening to me. I thought it was love because I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was almost like the girl of my dreams, and she is very attractive as well. But like every dream guy/girl, there are major flaws. Flaws that you HAVE to learn to love about them (or at least learn to deal with). The thing was, she just drove me nuts. Like she'd drive me up a wall by being over sarcastic, and she'd tell me all these things like about her past relationships and her ex-boyfriends, etc. Those things made me feel bad about myself because I was just absolutely shocked to find a girl of her caliber that would like someone like me. She is currently in a relationship with someone else, but I felt that I HAD to have her like, in my mind she was a girl that I cared so much about, like I loved her, and I've told her on multiple occasions or even daily. And she'd return those three words back to me. It was too good to be true. But I don't know what the hell love is. I just assumed that this, this feeling that I was feeling was love. Just picturing her face, she's funny, smart, I enjoy being with her, and the times we spent together, laughing, smiling, caring, and that warm feeling of affection, and just knowing that her one of the most important people in my life, who cares whither I lived or died outside of my family and friends (there were those dark days, that's all I will say >_> wink that meant the world to me. I'm basically just like your normal every emo (forgotten, no friends, girlfriends, anti-social, dislike of people etc. etc.), and what I really wanted at first was just for people to know who I am, to know that I am there, but it just seemed that I was just invisible to the world. It was just strange. The first time, she showed her feelings for me was a turning point on her impact on me. But then again, it was her attitude, dominant personality, how she was just so sarcastic and how she would tell me about her ex-boyfriends and other guys that she knew or had crushes on and she knew that I couldn't take it or it just pained me to hear her say those kind of things. Because in my mindset, I was insecure, and just jealous because I felt outclassed by other guys in a lot of ways because I'm a weird person. I'm different. So now recently, we fight, ALOT. Because from what I say (most of what I listed above) and she's always upset with me because she tells me that she's in a relationship and she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend, and that I need to let go of the past and become a new and positive person. Because my past is/has destroyed my outlook on life and people. And is shackling me from attempting to change, forget the past and ditch my mentality about life.

This isn't the entire story but as short as I could make it.

For the tl:dr =

- I'm a loner but this girl that I grew a strong attachment to has finally come along.

- I really like this girl but she pushes all my buttons, and gives me gray stress hair.

- I want to let her go, but I can't just leave her because she's just really important to me, and I feel like it's fate that we met, and everything that has happened thus far was for a reason.

I don't know if these feelings are normal but I'm just really confused, and I don't know what to do or feel. Is this love? Or... what? I feel like I'm just slowly losing my sanity trying to stay and wait for this girl but tolerating her innocent mind control/ownage, constant talk about other guys; pushing my interest away, and causing me to spiral in depression.

Someone please help me. sad