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((true story...just changed the name))

When I was nine I would leave home for school all lost and insecure, worried what the kids in the fourth grade would think of me. Would they be just like the ones in third grade? Will they deceive me and use me and call me names like every past day of my life? Will I be the fat girl with the freaky hand again? I’m scared; I don’t want to go to school. I kept thinking to myself.

I see the school coming up quick down the road, the butterflies kick in way too hard and I’m suddenly sick to my stomach. “Mommy I don’t feel good.” I hold a small weak fist to my stomach keeping down my breakfast.

“Honey don’t exaggerate. You’ll be fine,” she says. “It shouldn’t be that bad. Come on you had so many friends in third grade. Maybe you’ll have them again.” I wished she knew what I went through, I wish I could tell her but my mouth refused to cooperate. I wish I had the courage to tell her but I guess I’m just plain scared.
Hopefully I won’t have to see their faces. The faces of those bullies who were mean to me and called me names and hurt me in all different ways. This time I hope to become stronger, to stand up and fight back. The problem is; I was raised to be a gentle, kind girl. Although my mom would give me pep talks on how to overcome my cowardice I could never put it to action. I guess all my life I’m going to be hiding in the shadows, behind the curtains, in a dark cold and wet closet. Instead of looking for attention I want to be invisible, I want to be ignored. That would be way better than being made fun of. I just want to be alone, alone, alone!

I hesitate to exit the car as it comes to a halt.

“Poppy get out of the car. You’re going to be late.”

“I don’t want to go.” I mumble.

“Stop acting silly Po and get out.”

“No no no!”

“Do you want me to embarrass you in front of everyone? Huh Poppy, is that what you want?”

I don’t reply, I sit quietly thinking of ways to get out of this situation but before I could come up with a solution she was out of the car and opening my door. I lock it quickly and scoot to the other side. She starts yelling but I cant hear her from behind the thick car windows. I couldn’t keep hiding in the car forever, plus she was bringing to much attention from other parents and students from higher grades. I have to get out before it gets even worse.

Mom stopped screaming and glared through the window. I slide back down and unlock the door exiting slowly keeping my head low. Hopefully no one would recognize me if I walk looking at the floor.

Without a word mom walks me to class and nags me to stand up straight with a purpose, somehow I managed to drain everything out of my head. I was feeling pretty gray, and that’s not a good thing.

“Good morning.” said a friendly voice , “and who are you?”

I was tempted to look up and reply but I couldn’t because I’m scared I might see their ugly faces, their big ugly eyeballs watching me. They could probably smell my fear, its scary how they know. It’s kind of like they’re wolves hunting for someone’s emotions to feast on. I shiver at the thought.

“Is she alright?” I heard her say.

“She’s just nervous that’s all.” Mom replied.

“Oh, but there’s no need for that honey! Here you could sit beside Danny over
there.”

I barely looked up to see who she was pointing at. Danny was kind of short but taller than me, thin, and soft, black shiny hair. He seemed nice but I won’t let anyone see my face. Never ever, ever, I shall be known as the invisible girl. I don’t exist anymore. Never have never will, I am unseen… Unheard of.

Mom has driven off and now I’m alone in a new grade. I’m just a fat nine year old blonde bowling ball just rolling around to get by. I wish I could be older. Maybe I’d get more respect then; maybe I’d be pretty and skinny too. But that’s just too far. I guess I’m going to have to get use to this. Lock up the mean things at the back of my mind and keep smiling for the worst. All sunshine is what I’ll try to be. Maybe they won’t bother me anymore! I sure hope for the best.