|
I don't even know what to call this. =/ |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Felt like being fancy. Lol
Anyway, guess I'm just updating this for something to do. Its almost the end of the year. Onto 2010. Am I supose to look forward to this? Too bad I could care less. Nothing positive has happened in the last 2 months. All in all I've been pretty miserable. Not that anybody would know it, I'm so good at making it look like nothings out the ordinary, but meh. Sometimes its harder than others. I'm not gonna go into specifics. That'd be saying too much.
Something else is suppose to be happening in 2010...Oh yeah. I graduate The reason thats been underlined is because thats what i'm focusing on next. However bad it may go, I still gotta do it. I know i'm not the only one who doesn't look forward to it for many reasons. My own include: Dressing up, acting thrilled, taking part in whats going on, knowing whats going on (Kinda hard to know when you really don't care) and the all important escort that I won't have. Lol.
You know, it wouldn't be so bad if a number things were different, but eh. Moving on. I'm fighting this weird battle with depression. I'll have extremely good highs then one thought later I just crash and burn. Thats gotta stop. Its interfering with many things that I can't talk about on here. Well, I guess I could if I set the whole thing to private, but what good would that do? Its more entertaining to see what other people have to say if anybody bothers to read this anyway. x3
I'm not worried about it. I'm worried about nothing at the moment [/lie] however, Gaia seems to have solved my problem for now. Its provided me with friends and distractions left and right to keep my mind where it should be so that I don't have to suffer like I normally would.
Suffer. Thats a good bad word to have to use, I mean seriously, when it comes down to it, what else do you call a feeling of impending doom that actually happens? Suffering seems to suffice. Although it hasn't all been bad. I've had a few self-realizations. They sucked at the time and tossed me over the edge like a rock falling off a cliff. But if anything, its made me realize I can't have constant control over anything that happens out of my jurisdiction. Sure, I can care; throw in my 2 cents but thats it. Nothing more I can do and I really did have to start realizing that. Now that I have, its kind of lightened the load a little. Because now I know its really not my problem. I thought it was, and that I was suppose to give a s**t, but that phase is over with. Thank god. That was another thing that was kind of tearing me apart somewhat.
My this is getting kind of long. You'd really have to have nothing better to do in order to sit here and read about me rambling about s**t you care nothing about. That greatly amuses me. Among other things, it also shows me that at least a few of you out there kinda care what goes on with me.
Although, I wonder if i'm dragging this on because I really have nothing to do, or because typing makes me feel better? Not entirely sure. Maybe I'm just doing this for something to say to myself. Lol, that makes me sound schizophrenic. Seriously though, I don't have multiple personalities. Maybe I should go clean out my friends list. Half of them don't even come online anymore let alone talk to me. x3 Thats another task I could get to.
Anyway, suppose I'll update this again either later today or tomorrow. Depends how much I feel like typing and what not. I feel like i'm talking to myself, which is probably the case but whatever. If I ever look at this again It'll remind me to do something with it.
I'm gonna stop there. I've ranted enough and now I feel all loose in da brain. if that makes any sense.
I am not nice.
 Atrocitiesss · Sun Nov 29, 2009 @ 10:25pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
