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blah. i feel safe posting this here since he never comes along unless made.

is it so hard to show a little affection towards me when i'm not craving it? i mean, seriously, i want a little reinforcement every so often and you don't give it.
admittedly, i need a lot of affection, but is that so bad?

i want to tell you what's really bothering me but i'm always afraid that it'll just be on a deaf ear. when i actually do say something that's what it seems like. is a "ok, i'm leaving now. love you. bye" really THAT ******** hard to say?

i just feel neglected a lot of the time. did you know that i have people that know they'd never have a chance with me showing more compassion to me than you? they know i'm committed to you but they always listen when i have a problem.

i love you, i really do, and that's not something i say lightly. sometimes i feel like you're stringing me along and i don't want to feel that way. i want us to work, but it feels like you're giving 50 percent when i'm trying to give 100. i try.

i don't know the reason why i don't tell you this upfront. i'm a p***y. srsly. i'm afraid of how you'll react. that you'll think it's some plea for us to never talk again, it's not. it's how i think i'll get across to you.

maybe it's because it's that we hardly ever talk and when we do talk, i want it to be less shitty...to make it seem like we don't fight as much.

sigh.

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