okay, I thought maybe I'd update so no one will think I was dead or something. Which I don't know is a good thing or a bad thing =P
anyway, I hope everyone's doing well. I leave Gaia for a month or so, and NOW they have swords? Damn.
I'm not doing too good with school. I'm practically failing everything, I just don't have anything motivating me. And its not like I can say "I need to do good so I can get in a good college" coz I have no idea what I want to do good for..like, what I want to do in college. I'm already a junior and its hard to picture myself not being in school anymore, and going into the 'real world'. the only thing that has any kind of motivation in me is drawing...and I'm not all THAT good. Like, someone would read my comics or buy my art, I mean. So I don't know what I'm gonna do. blehhh..I'm a junior, and its all crap. my mom says to me "Just keep having fun, make sure you have fun, because when you look back on these days..they're the good ol' days" and I'm just like.."The good old days? Practically every day is a crap day. Besides Friday [coz thats the one time I really hang out with anyone] everyday is a crap day." and she was just silent.
I still think I have depression. I mean, things aren't as crazy as they used to be, but I still feel depressed..to be honest, I was going to commit suicide, around the time I wrote my last entry. I really was. But what can I say? I was too much of a wimp to make through with it. Just thinking of myself being dead...I dunno, death kind of scares me. Not much of death itself..but how people act afterwards. Saying stuff like.. "oh he was a good person"..as if the person was just..a dream. Not real at all. in the end, we only exist in the memories of others. and once those people are dead, that's when we are truly dead too. And all trace of ever being is gone. It scares me sometimes, because it just shows how insignificant we all are.
well anyway, i'm kind of sleepy..it IS 3am..so if some of this doesn't make much sense, i'm sorry. i just want to type a bit more..without using the shift key, even though it is my friend..lolzzzz. well anyway, i'm not gonna kill myself or anything, so dont be concerned about that if you were. its just..its hard sometimes you know? i wake up in the morning, and all i do is lay there even if i should be getting ready for school. i just dont find a point anymore. would anyone care if i missed a day? would it really matter? if i never leave my room, would anyone really give a damn? would anyone even notice? i wish i could sleep for eternity but i know its not possible. or atleast, maybe it is for me. i do have epstein barr or however its spelled. its some kind of..i dunno, disorder that makes you sleepy. its just unactive, or atleast last i checked it was.
yeah, and now im babbling. i hope everyone is doing well, i hope everyone is doing better than me. i really do. g'night
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Hi Miss Alice...
Old s**t, will probably never make a new entry.
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CombatWombat98 Community Member 
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Jentern
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._. Yeah...I know that feeling. I've tried a couple of times to go through with it. But I never did (obviously ^^; ). And quite honestly, the only thing that's keeping me alive now is my best friend. I'm not afarid of death, I'm afarid for my friend's death. She said if I'd die, she'd have to too. I dunno if she'd ever really do it if I were to die, but I would never want to risk it. And also...I'm kinda afarid of being forgotten. Cause like you said, once you die, it was as though you never existed. But it's more about my friends. Dunno if it's healthy or not, but I care more about my friends than myself.
>_o I dunno what I'm gonna be doing in the 'real world' yet either. Oh well...we'll find out one day soon...
And it's good to know you've been doing better ^-^ Cause I was really worried about you ;-;