Stranger: I HOPE YOU ******** DIE ALONE
Stranger: NO
You: NO
You: I WON'T
Stranger: YOU ******** UP
You: YOU'LL BE THE ONE ALONE
Stranger: YOU SLEPT WITH MARY
Stranger: YOU ********
You: YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOTHER
Stranger: SHE ASKED.
Stranger: SHE ******** ASKED
You: THAT'S HOW I WAS BORN
You: GEEZ, DAD, GEEZ
Stranger: I LKNOW
Stranger: I ******** KNOW
Stranger: BUT YOU ******** SLEPT WITH MARY
Stranger: WHAT THE ********
You: AT LEAST I KNEW HER BEFORE I SLEPT WITH HER
Stranger: UH
Stranger: ...
Stranger: I CANNOT
Stranger: ********
Stranger: BELIEVE YOU.
Stranger: YOU ARE THE WORST SON I HAVE EVER HAD
Stranger: AND YES, THERE'S BEEN MORE THAN JUST YOU
Stranger: THERE'S JEREMY
Stranger: AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOESN'T DO?
Stranger: HE DOESN'T SLEEP WITH MARY.
You: I KNOW
You: HE SLEPT WITH MOTHER
Stranger: WHAT.
Stranger: HE DID WHAT
You: YEAH
You: I SAW HIM
Stranger: ARE ALL MY SONS PIECES OF s**t?
Stranger: YOU ******** WATCHED?
You: NO
You: I DIDN'T
Stranger: YOU SAT BACK, AND YOU WATCHED THAT HALF ASSED LITTLE b*****d.
Stranger: ********
You: I WALKED BY THE ROOM
Stranger: MY
Stranger: WIFE.
You: AND SAW THEM
Stranger: AND YOUD DIDN'T STOP HIM?
You: I WAS GOING TO GET YOU
Stranger: YOU'RE TERRIBLE.
You: BUT YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH DEBORAH
Stranger: YOU WOULD TOO
You: BUT SHE'S MY SISTER
Stranger: IT'S A BIG HOUSE, THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE, WE SLEEP WITH EVERYONE
Stranger: GET OVER IT
Stranger: SHE WAS HOT
Stranger: AND IT WAS KINKY
Stranger: AND I WAS PRETTY ******** DRUNK
Stranger: BECAUSE YOU LEFT THE VODKA OUT
Stranger: WHY DID YOU LEAVE IT OUT?
You: IT'S NOT MY FAULT
Stranger: YOU KNEW ABOUT MY ADDICTION!
Stranger: IT'S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT
You: MOTHER BOUGHT IT
Stranger: DEBBY BOUGHT IT?
Stranger: ********
Stranger: SHE JUST WANTS ME TO DIE OR SOMETHING
Stranger: I SWEAR TO GO
You: SHE WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY
Stranger: I SWEAR TO GOD TOO
Stranger: IM NEVER HAPPY
Stranger: EVER SINCE YOU WERE BORN
You: YOU'RE SWEARING TO GO NOW?
You: WHAT DO YOU DO? GO TO THE DRIVE THRU AND SWEAR?
Stranger: LIKE ******** BILLY MAYS
Stranger: IT'S HOW I TAKE OUT MY ANGER (Get it? Take out?)
You: OH, SO YOUR NAME IS BILLY MAES?
Stranger: NO
Stranger: YOU KNOW MY NAME
Stranger: IT'S FREDERICK
Stranger: AND YOU KNOW THAT
Stranger: DON'T PLAY STUPID WITH ME
Stranger: YOU'VE BEEN ******** ALL OF MY FRIENDS
You: AND YOU'VE BEEN ******** MY FRIENDS
Stranger: IT'S THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT FOR BEING SO SEXY.
Stranger: DON'T DENY IT.
You: YOU BETRAYED MOTHER
You: SO SHE SLEPT WITH YOUR BROTHER
Stranger: SHE BETRAYED ME
Stranger: THIS ALL ******** STARTED WITH THAT INCIDENT WITH THE TWENTY POUNDS OF LUBE, THE LEMON MERINGUE PIE, AND THAT UNFORTUNATE CHICKEN
Stranger: IT ALL STARTED THERE
You: YOU JUST HAD TO BUY PIE THAT DAY
You: YOU JUST HAD TO
Stranger: I LOVE THAT PIE
Stranger: IT'S THE s**t
You: THE PIE SLEPT WITH THE CHICKEN
Stranger: I KNOW
Stranger: I TOLD IT NOT TOO
Stranger: AND THE CHICKEN GOT ******** AIDS
You: AND YOU ATE IT
You: AND NOW YOU HAVE AIDS
Stranger: AND THEN I ******** DEBORAH
Stranger: AND SHE HAS AIDS
Stranger: AND EVERYONE HAS AIDS
Stranger: EVERYONE HAS AIDS.
You: I DON'T HAVE AIDS
Stranger: YES YOU DO
Stranger: MARY HAD AIDS
You: OH GOD NO
Stranger: AND YOU TOTALLY ******** HER
You: NOT MARY
Stranger: IN THE a**
You: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
Stranger: AND YOU GOT AIDS
You: YOU WATCHED US?
Stranger: I HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE CAMERAS IN YOUR ROOM
Stranger: AND HER ROOM
Stranger: AND I ******** HER FIRST
You: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
Stranger: BECAUSE I WORRY
Stranger: ABOUT YOU
Stranger: AND YOUR AIDS
You: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT GAVE US ALL AIDS
Stranger: NO
Stranger: IT WAS THE ******** MOOSE
Stranger: IT WAS ALL THE MOOSE
Stranger: I SWEAR
Stranger: THE CHICKEN, THE PIE, AND THE ******** MOOSE.
You: YOU SLEPT WITH THE MOOSE?
Stranger: .....
Stranger: I HAVE MY FETISHES
Stranger: YOU HAVE YOURS
Stranger: LIKE THE THING WITH THE MINTS AND THE BATH BEADS
You: ...
You: YOU PUT CAMERAS IN THERE TOO?
Stranger: I PUT CAMERAS EVERYWHERE
Stranger: EVEN IN THE BOILER ROOM
Stranger: FOR THOSE STEAMY SEX TAPES I WHACK OFF TO LATER.
You: THOSE WERE MOTHER'S
Stranger: THEY'RE MINE NOW
You: I'M TELLING HER THAT YOU TOOK THEM
Stranger: SHE'LL BE DEAD BY THEN
Stranger: I PUT A BOMB IN HER CAR
You: OH GOD NO
You: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
Stranger: BECAUSE SHE ******** DEREK
Stranger: THAT ******** NUT
You: BUT DEREK IS DEBORAH'S FATHER
Stranger: I KNOW
Stranger: SHE ******** THAT OLD SACK OF s**t
Stranger: AND THEN SHOWED THE TAPE TO ME
Stranger: TO MAKE ME JEALOUS
Stranger: WELL NOW SHE'LL GET WHATS COMING TO HER
You: YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT
You: SHE GAVE YOU THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE
Stranger: WHO SAYS.
Stranger: THE BOOZE DID THAT
Stranger: AND COLDPLAY
You: YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE FROM COLDPLAY?
You: WHAT THE ********, DAD?
Stranger: CHRIS MARTIN
Stranger: BRITISH GUYS ARE THE BEST
You: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOu
Stranger: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
Stranger: YOU STILL ******** MARY
Stranger: I LOVED HER
You: AT LEAST I'M NOT GAY
Stranger: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT
Stranger: AND MOTHER'S DEAD NOW
Stranger: I WATCHED IT
You: NO MOM NO
Stranger: I HAD A CAMERA IN HER CAR!
You: THEN YOU SAW IT?
Stranger: I SAW IT
Stranger: ALL OF IT
Stranger: EVERY SINGLE SCANDALOUS SECOND OF IT
You: DID YOU SEE JEREMY SLEEP WITH DEBORAH?
You: IN THE CAR?
Stranger: YES
Stranger: I MEAN
Stranger: WHAT
Stranger: HE DID
Stranger: WELL I KILLED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
You: YOU KILLED DEBORAH TOO
Stranger: THREE BIRDS THEN
You: DEBORAH LOVED YOU
You: SHE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU TODAY
Stranger: DEBORAH NEVER LOVED ANYONE
Stranger: SHE WANTED THE MONEY
Stranger: AND THE MANSION
Stranger: NOT ME
Stranger: YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY.
You: HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE DIDN'T LOVE YOU?
Stranger: YOU DON'T KNOW HER LIKE I DO.
Stranger: OR DIDNT
Stranger: SHE WAS AN EVIL PERSON
Stranger: A HEART OF STONE
Stranger: SHE WANTED YOUR BODY, AND MY MONEY
You: THEN WHY DID SHE BUY A 10-CARAT DIAMOND RIGHT FOR YOU?
Stranger: ...
Stranger: S-She did what?
Stranger: Just for me...?
You: Go look in her pocket!
Stranger: Oh my god what have I done?
Stranger: WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
You: YOU KILLED HER, DAD
Stranger: OH MY GOD
Stranger: NO
Stranger: GOD NO
You: YEAH YOU DID
Stranger: I'M SUCH A MONSTER
Stranger: GOOD THING I'M DOCTOR FRANKENSTIEN!
Stranger: I CAN STILL SAVE HER
You: YOU CAN BARELY RECOGNIZE HER FROM THE BURNS
You: SHE'S DYING
Stranger: OH MY GOD
Stranger: CALL 911
You: THE POLICE WILL THROW YOU IN JAIL
Stranger: WHAT'S THE POINT
You: YOU'RE A KILLER
Stranger: SHE'LL HATE ME NOW
Stranger: AT LEAST SHE'LL LIVE
Stranger: I'M BETTER OFF IN JAIL THEN LIVING IN THIS LIE
You: SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE THAT BOMBED THE CAR
Stranger: GOOD
Stranger: TELL HER I LOVED HER
You: NO DAD NO
You: DON'T DO THIS
Stranger: THE COPS WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE
Stranger: KEEP HER ALIVE
You: NO DAD NO
Stranger: YOU CAN BAIL ME OUT
Stranger: WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
You: DEREK TOOK IT ALL
Stranger: ********
Stranger: ********'
Stranger: HE'S THE CULPRIT
Stranger: KILL HIM
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Leafion's Bible
This is madness!
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