Ever feel like you've screwed up so bad there's no way to fix it? I feel that way right now. I've been screwing up my life for years, ever since I moved here to Vegas. And the thing is, I'm at the end of the road. my parents will kick me out if I don't pass my classes, and there's no way I can pass Japanese. And I can't bring myself to ask my teacher for help, because it wouldn't be fair. I deserve the grade I earn... I need to take responsibility for my actions. but doing that means I'm screwed, probably permanently. My parents won't help me anymore, and I'll never be able to find my way to some place where I can be happy. Do I even deserve to be happy? I've screwed up my life for no reason, taken way too much money from my parents and wasted it... Do I deserve to be miserable? That's all I've earned, after all... I can feel myself slipping downwards with no idea how to stop... I don't want to slip downwards. All I want is to be happy, but I don't know how to get there. I've gotten all kinds of wonderful advice, but hoe is that going to work when I'm going to be cut off and probably kicked out? I don't think I can survive that... How can I get a job and work myself out of this hole when my parents are probably going to force me even deeper into the darkness? I don't want this, any of it, but how can I fix it when I have no control over most of my life? My parents hold all the power... Would it be better if I just disappeared? Would the people I care about be better off without me around? my dad says he wouldn't, but I don't know... Sometimes, I think I'm just a problem. They all deserve better then to deal with me, don't they? I'm an overly emotional person who'll probably never be worth anything... How can i get out of this hole? I don't want to be here, but I don't know how to get out...
 Virginia Poe · Sat Apr 24, 2010 @ 06:26am · 0 Comments |
