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My hurtful memories have been extremely strong today, I cried for about 2 hrs this morning remembering about my old baby-sitter and her biting my arm, scaring it for the rest of my life, and her smothering my face into the pillow, and waking up in the morning, seeing that during the night my nose had bleed so much that it bleed through the pillow, I was so scared what she'd do if she saw that I dirtied the pillow so bad s I think I hid it or flipped it over where there was less blood..
yes this is my secret, and I'm finally posting about it.. yay me? but theres a little more to my past then a bad baby sitter. I have moved 8 times in my life, thus is why I have so few friends. I'm only 22. thats almost every 3 yrs I'd have to move. the next babysitter I had was Mary, she was ok, she was old and cranky, and she smacked me across the face for spilling orange juice in the kitchen, which later she did apologies for. then my mom met HIM, Alan, He cut me down emotionally EVERYDAY for 7 yrs.. sometime during that seven yrs I actually started to believe him that I was useless, that I couldn't do anything right, that I was stupied incopitant, fat, ugly, off in left feild, insult after insult. And middle school wasn't fun either, I got picked on constantly by kids, I stayed near teachers most of the time to try to get some relief, and al was at home, so there was no rest from insults. He didn't just yell at me, he yelled at mom too, one night he insulted her and I snapped, ran out of my room, and scratch his arms up to hell, I hope I left scars on him to remember me by. He'd yell at me for not doing anything, why should I do anything if I'm just going to mess it up, Huh?! High school in contrast to middle school was easy as pie, I made some friends, marc and nick and a few others, but my home life stiff was hell to me. Thank God after 7 yrs he cheated on mom and she left him.
It might not seem that bad to those who had worse pasts, like rape victoms, or who where physcally beeten, but it still hurts.. its my past, and it huants me all the same. This is my past, this is where I come from, this is who I am.