[quote="_Kibetha_"]She's mad. Brilliant, but mad.[/quote]
[quote="Insanity Panda"]There is no, 'Your turn, my turn.' Because you don't see people stop in wars.
Army: Alright, is it your turn or my turn?
Other Army: Hm.. We'll flip a coin to see who goes first![/quote]
[quote="Rincewind"]"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."[/quote]
[quote="A dyslexic rooster"]"Dock-a-loodle-fod!"[/quote]
[quote="Dibbler and Victor as Dibbler meets Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?" said Dibbler. "He says he can't," said Victor. Dibbler hesitated. "Well," he said, "I suppose he should know."[/quote]
[quote="Victor's Resume"]"Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handle a sword a little."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"I expect I've saved the day, right?"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"I can bite your leg if you like."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Growl, growl."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"If gharstely creatures from before the Dawna Time starts wavin' at you from under your bed, jus' you don't come complainin' to me,"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Well, 'scuse me. I was jus' tryin' to save the world."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"There's nothin' wrong with bein' a son of a b***h."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Woof. In tones of low menace."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"It looks worse than you can imagine!"
"I can imagine some pretty bad things!"
"That's why I said worse!"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes.[/quote]
[quote="Azhural"]"It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork," he said. "We've got three hundred and sixty-three elephants, fifty carts of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glass things on our eyes..."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute whazaam, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex, not thoughts like 'What's it all about, when you get right down to it?'"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"You pay for it before you eat it? What happens if it's dreadful?"
"That's why."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Students?" barked the Archchancellor.
"Yes, Master. You know? They're the thinner ones with the pale faces? Because we're a [i]university[/i]? They come with the whole thing, like rats --"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett (Popcorn comes to Discworld"]"If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Most alchemists were nervous, in any case; it came from not knowing what the crucible of bubbling stuff they were experimenting with was going to do next.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It was the sort of thing you expected in the Street of Alchemists. The neighbours preferred explosions, which were at least identifiable and soon over. They were better than the smells, which crept up on you.[/quote]
[quote="Dibbler"]"Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're gone!"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Woof bloody woof."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."[/quote]
[quote="Rincewind and Eric"]"What shall I do?"
"Well, if you see anything crawl out of the sea and try to breathe,
you could try telling it not to bother."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The sergeant put on the poker face which has been handed down from NCO to NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower ranking protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.[/quote]
[quote="Eric"]"You mean mysterious ancient races of Amazonian princesses who subject all male prisoners to strange and exhausting progenitative rites?" said Eric, his glasses beginning to fog.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The librarian was, ex officio, a member of the college council. No-one had been able to find any rule about orang-utans being barred, although they had surreptiously looked very hard for one.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The trouble is that things [i]never[/i] get better, they just stay the same, only more so.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's
what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
"Yes. I think it's called the bill."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"There's a door"
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]While working his way along a wall he came to a huge door, which artistically portrayed a group of prisoners apparently being given a complete medical check-up [footnote: From a distance it did, anyway. Close to, no].[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room. The difference is, when you shout, "Where's my clean socks?", no-one answers.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpock. Well [i]technically[/i] they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Right, you bastards, you're... you're geography"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Thunder rolled. ... It rolled a six.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.[/quote]
[quote="Captain Vimes ponders his problems"]It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett (Nobby)"]He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter [footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett]All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.[/quote]
[quote="Captain Vimes"]"This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest dragon in the city. It could burn your head clean off."[/quote]
[quote="Nobby and Vimes"]"'E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm.
"All by himself?" said the captain.
"No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.[/quote]
[quote="Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs undercover"]"Have another drink, not-Corporal Nobby?" said Sergeant Colon unsteadily.
"I do not mind if I do, not-Sgt Colon," said Nobby.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]There was not a lot that could be done to make Morpork a worse place. A direct hit by a meteorite, for example, would count as gentrification.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The Ephebians made wine out of anything they could put in a bucket, and ate anything that couldn't climb out of one.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]On nights such as these the gods, as has already been pointed out, play games other than chess with the fates of mortals and the thrones of kings. It is important to remember that they always cheat, right up to the end...[/quote]
[quote="Nanny Ogg"]"Yes, bugger all that." said Nanny. "Let's curse somebody."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld stage actors"]"He didn't take any notice!" whispered Tomjon.
"A born critic," said the dwarf.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"I daresay," said Granny, pushing the Fool aside and stepping over a writhing taproot. "If anyone locked [i]me[/i] in a dungeon, there'd be screams."[/quote]
[quote="Granny (Terry Pratchett)"]"A man could go far, knowing his rights like you do. But right now he should go home."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Above the hearth was a huge pokerwork sign saying "Mother". No tyrant in the whole history of the world had ever achieved a domination so complete.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself." Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"I'd like to know if I could compare you to a summer's day. Because -- well, June 12th was quite nice, and..."[/quote]
[quote="Boggis"]"There must be a hundred silver dollars in here," moaned Boggis, waving a purse. "I mean, that's not my league. That's not my class. I can't handle that sort of money. You've got to be in the Guild of Lawyers or something to steal that much."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death and Iplsore"]"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It became apparent that one reason why the Ice Giants were known as the Ice Giants was because they were, well, giants. The other was that they were made of ice.[/quote]
[quote="Rincewind and Conina"]"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed. "I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting.[/quote]
[quote="War"]"It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little b*****d will do anything rather than let go of it.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see what would happen next. And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that Rincewind would never quite forget to the end of his life. "Erm," he said, "excuse me..."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a [i]what?[/i]"[/quote]
[quote="Landlord"]"What do people like to drink here, then?" The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him.[/quote]
[quote="Cutwell"]"You won't get away with this," said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- " He stopped talking.[/quote]
[quote="Albert and Mort"]"Sodomy non sapiens," said Albert under his breath.
"What does that mean?"
"Means I'm buggered if I know."[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death and a job broker"]- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.
- "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The thing between Death's triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn't a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls.[/quote]
[quote="Mort adn Keli"]"You're dead," he said. Keli waited. She couldn't think of any suitable reply. "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it serious?" seemed somehow too frivolous.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words, an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all the time to wire bits back on.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death"]I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death"]NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.[/quote]
[quote="Mort and Death"]"My granny says that dying is like going to sleep," Mort added, a shade
hopefully.
I WOULDN'T KNOW. I HAVE DONE NEITHER.[/quote]
[quote="Job broker"]"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.[/quote]
[quote="Dungeon Dimensions Things"]They may have been ugly. they may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld scientists"]They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Still, it was a relief to get away from that macabre sight. Gander considered that gnolls didn't look any better inside than out. He hated their guts.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark
tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might
not even still be there, you can forget it," said Rincewind sharply.
"There is an alternative, then."
"Out with it, man."
"You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones
which certainly are there," said Twoflower.
Dead silence from below him. Then Rincewind said, accusingly, "That was sarcasm."[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"Pull me up, then," he hinted.
"I think that might be sort of difficult," grunted Twoflower. "I don't
actually think I can do it, in fact."
"What are you holding on to, then?"
"You."
"I mean besides me."
"What do you mean, besides you?" said Twoflower.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"Ah," said Twoflower, "I [i]understand[/i]. Over the wall and out to brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?"
"Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes," said Rincewind.[/quote]
[quote="Druid and Twoflower"]The druid stiffened. "[i]'Nice?'[/i]" he said. "A triumph of the silicon chunk, a miracle of modern masonic technology -- nice?"
"Oh, yes," said Twoflower, to whom sarcasm was merely a seven letter word beginning with S.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had beared badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"You said you could fly one of these things!"
"No I didn't; I just said [i]you[/i] couldn't!"[/quote]
[size=10][color=black][b]Current Theme:[/b][/color] [color=green]Insert[/color] [color=blue]theme[/color] [color=darkviolet]here.[/color]
[color=black]You are insane. You are Twistcraze the Mad!
- Quote; Elizabeth Whittaker.[/color]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/ThE-ReD-MuTT/Gaia/pc.jpg[/img][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/ThE-ReD-MuTT/Gaia/PWishlist.png[/img]
[img]http://tinyurl.com/amxo9[/img]
...[i]sanity[/i] is the [b]playground[/b] for the [strike]unimaginative[/strike]...
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style2,Phreno.png[/img][/url]
[URL=http://snipurl.com/a65f][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v494/Kgoat/KgoatsBday.gif[/img][/URL]
[URL=http://snipurl.com/a65f][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v494/Kgoat/FromKrisgoat.gif[/img][/URL]
[/size]
[quote="Insanity Panda"]There is no, 'Your turn, my turn.' Because you don't see people stop in wars.
Army: Alright, is it your turn or my turn?
Other Army: Hm.. We'll flip a coin to see who goes first![/quote]
[quote="Rincewind"]"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."[/quote]
[quote="A dyslexic rooster"]"Dock-a-loodle-fod!"[/quote]
[quote="Dibbler and Victor as Dibbler meets Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?" said Dibbler. "He says he can't," said Victor. Dibbler hesitated. "Well," he said, "I suppose he should know."[/quote]
[quote="Victor's Resume"]"Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handle a sword a little."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"I expect I've saved the day, right?"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"I can bite your leg if you like."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Growl, growl."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"If gharstely creatures from before the Dawna Time starts wavin' at you from under your bed, jus' you don't come complainin' to me,"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Well, 'scuse me. I was jus' tryin' to save the world."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"There's nothin' wrong with bein' a son of a b***h."[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Woof. In tones of low menace."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"It looks worse than you can imagine!"
"I can imagine some pretty bad things!"
"That's why I said worse!"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes.[/quote]
[quote="Azhural"]"It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork," he said. "We've got three hundred and sixty-three elephants, fifty carts of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glass things on our eyes..."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute whazaam, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex, not thoughts like 'What's it all about, when you get right down to it?'"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"You pay for it before you eat it? What happens if it's dreadful?"
"That's why."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Students?" barked the Archchancellor.
"Yes, Master. You know? They're the thinner ones with the pale faces? Because we're a [i]university[/i]? They come with the whole thing, like rats --"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett (Popcorn comes to Discworld"]"If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Most alchemists were nervous, in any case; it came from not knowing what the crucible of bubbling stuff they were experimenting with was going to do next.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It was the sort of thing you expected in the Street of Alchemists. The neighbours preferred explosions, which were at least identifiable and soon over. They were better than the smells, which crept up on you.[/quote]
[quote="Dibbler"]"Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're gone!"[/quote]
[quote="Gaspode the Wonder Dog"]"Woof bloody woof."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."[/quote]
[quote="Rincewind and Eric"]"What shall I do?"
"Well, if you see anything crawl out of the sea and try to breathe,
you could try telling it not to bother."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The sergeant put on the poker face which has been handed down from NCO to NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower ranking protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.[/quote]
[quote="Eric"]"You mean mysterious ancient races of Amazonian princesses who subject all male prisoners to strange and exhausting progenitative rites?" said Eric, his glasses beginning to fog.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The librarian was, ex officio, a member of the college council. No-one had been able to find any rule about orang-utans being barred, although they had surreptiously looked very hard for one.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The trouble is that things [i]never[/i] get better, they just stay the same, only more so.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's
what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
"Yes. I think it's called the bill."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"There's a door"
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]While working his way along a wall he came to a huge door, which artistically portrayed a group of prisoners apparently being given a complete medical check-up [footnote: From a distance it did, anyway. Close to, no].[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room. The difference is, when you shout, "Where's my clean socks?", no-one answers.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpock. Well [i]technically[/i] they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"Right, you bastards, you're... you're geography"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Thunder rolled. ... It rolled a six.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.[/quote]
[quote="Captain Vimes ponders his problems"]It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett (Nobby)"]He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter [footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett]All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.[/quote]
[quote="Captain Vimes"]"This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest dragon in the city. It could burn your head clean off."[/quote]
[quote="Nobby and Vimes"]"'E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm.
"All by himself?" said the captain.
"No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.[/quote]
[quote="Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs undercover"]"Have another drink, not-Corporal Nobby?" said Sergeant Colon unsteadily.
"I do not mind if I do, not-Sgt Colon," said Nobby.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]There was not a lot that could be done to make Morpork a worse place. A direct hit by a meteorite, for example, would count as gentrification.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The Ephebians made wine out of anything they could put in a bucket, and ate anything that couldn't climb out of one.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]On nights such as these the gods, as has already been pointed out, play games other than chess with the fates of mortals and the thrones of kings. It is important to remember that they always cheat, right up to the end...[/quote]
[quote="Nanny Ogg"]"Yes, bugger all that." said Nanny. "Let's curse somebody."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld stage actors"]"He didn't take any notice!" whispered Tomjon.
"A born critic," said the dwarf.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"I daresay," said Granny, pushing the Fool aside and stepping over a writhing taproot. "If anyone locked [i]me[/i] in a dungeon, there'd be screams."[/quote]
[quote="Granny (Terry Pratchett)"]"A man could go far, knowing his rights like you do. But right now he should go home."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Above the hearth was a huge pokerwork sign saying "Mother". No tyrant in the whole history of the world had ever achieved a domination so complete.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself." Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"I'd like to know if I could compare you to a summer's day. Because -- well, June 12th was quite nice, and..."[/quote]
[quote="Boggis"]"There must be a hundred silver dollars in here," moaned Boggis, waving a purse. "I mean, that's not my league. That's not my class. I can't handle that sort of money. You've got to be in the Guild of Lawyers or something to steal that much."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death and Iplsore"]"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It became apparent that one reason why the Ice Giants were known as the Ice Giants was because they were, well, giants. The other was that they were made of ice.[/quote]
[quote="Rincewind and Conina"]"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed. "I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting.[/quote]
[quote="War"]"It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little b*****d will do anything rather than let go of it.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see what would happen next. And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that Rincewind would never quite forget to the end of his life. "Erm," he said, "excuse me..."[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a [i]what?[/i]"[/quote]
[quote="Landlord"]"What do people like to drink here, then?" The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him.[/quote]
[quote="Cutwell"]"You won't get away with this," said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- " He stopped talking.[/quote]
[quote="Albert and Mort"]"Sodomy non sapiens," said Albert under his breath.
"What does that mean?"
"Means I'm buggered if I know."[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death and a job broker"]- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.
- "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]The thing between Death's triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn't a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls.[/quote]
[quote="Mort adn Keli"]"You're dead," he said. Keli waited. She couldn't think of any suitable reply. "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it serious?" seemed somehow too frivolous.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words, an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all the time to wire bits back on.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death"]I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld Death"]NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.[/quote]
[quote="Mort and Death"]"My granny says that dying is like going to sleep," Mort added, a shade
hopefully.
I WOULDN'T KNOW. I HAVE DONE NEITHER.[/quote]
[quote="Job broker"]"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.[/quote]
[quote="Dungeon Dimensions Things"]They may have been ugly. they may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair.[/quote]
[quote="Discworld scientists"]They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]Still, it was a relief to get away from that macabre sight. Gander considered that gnolls didn't look any better inside than out. He hated their guts.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark
tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might
not even still be there, you can forget it," said Rincewind sharply.
"There is an alternative, then."
"Out with it, man."
"You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones
which certainly are there," said Twoflower.
Dead silence from below him. Then Rincewind said, accusingly, "That was sarcasm."[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"Pull me up, then," he hinted.
"I think that might be sort of difficult," grunted Twoflower. "I don't
actually think I can do it, in fact."
"What are you holding on to, then?"
"You."
"I mean besides me."
"What do you mean, besides you?" said Twoflower.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"Ah," said Twoflower, "I [i]understand[/i]. Over the wall and out to brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?"
"Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes," said Rincewind.[/quote]
[quote="Druid and Twoflower"]The druid stiffened. "[i]'Nice?'[/i]" he said. "A triumph of the silicon chunk, a miracle of modern masonic technology -- nice?"
"Oh, yes," said Twoflower, to whom sarcasm was merely a seven letter word beginning with S.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had beared badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.[/quote]
[quote="Terry Pratchett"]He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.[/quote]
[quote="Twoflower and Rincewind"]"You said you could fly one of these things!"
"No I didn't; I just said [i]you[/i] couldn't!"[/quote]
[size=10][color=black][b]Current Theme:[/b][/color] [color=green]Insert[/color] [color=blue]theme[/color] [color=darkviolet]here.[/color]
[color=black]You are insane. You are Twistcraze the Mad!
- Quote; Elizabeth Whittaker.[/color]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/ThE-ReD-MuTT/Gaia/pc.jpg[/img][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/ThE-ReD-MuTT/Gaia/PWishlist.png[/img]
[img]http://tinyurl.com/amxo9[/img]
...[i]sanity[/i] is the [b]playground[/b] for the [strike]unimaginative[/strike]...
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style2,Phreno.png[/img][/url]
[URL=http://snipurl.com/a65f][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v494/Kgoat/KgoatsBday.gif[/img][/URL]
[URL=http://snipurl.com/a65f][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v494/Kgoat/FromKrisgoat.gif[/img][/URL]
[/size]
