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Ok so here it goes. -Takes a deep breath- My mom has a problem, a bad, bad problem of addiction. Now, she is usually never home, usually in jail or out using. Agh, we are somewhere around the middle class, my family and I. We have a.. Uhmm, a livable amount of money and a little for other stuff. Now, for Christmas we get about 6 presents each, and by "we" I mean my little brother Zach and I. Why am I telling you this? Well I'll get to that right now. My mother usually keeps those receipts and takes most of the presents back to the store and uses the money she gets for them to buy her drugs... Now if you think about it, thats like giving a little puppy a bone then taking it away... It ******** sucks! And if that isnt bad enough for you, imagine being ten years old and in my point of view. Ok so your mom has stopped using for quite a while, HALF A YEAR! (Thats long for me) Ok, she says she's going to go to the store, you think 'Well, she'll come back.' So you let her go.. Just to find out before she left she took your nintendo DS, your bookbag (Dont ask why, cuz I dont know why she took it), and your 50 dollars that you had saved up for that special rainy day. How does that make you feel? ******** PISSED OFF, RIGHT?! Then you gotta go to school the next day and explain to your teacher why you dont have your bookbag, do you KNOW how EMBERRASSING that is to tell your teacher that at the age of ten? Because you think this is all your fault and you caused your mom to be like this because you were a bad daughter... When of course that wasnt true but you dont finally believe that until your 13th birthday party when your mom isnt their because she was in jail... And she says shes sorry but how can you believe her? She says she would quit multiple times, she didnt keep that promise... So how can she expect for you to believe shes sorry? Now put all of that into my life and tell me your not tearing up right now because if you have a heart I bet you are. Now, if you read this, I bet you wont be judging me on being a b***h anymore, will you? And to add all of that up, my personality is changing by the triple. I am becoming more dark and bleak every time my mom leaves.. I dont have a mom right now.. She is in jail... And for all you daughters out their, I bet you need your mothers for emotional support... Yea... Well... I dont have one. And its hard! You know..? Its really hard... I try and act happy for my boyfriend, I dont want him worrying because he doesnt deserve more stress on his shoulders. -Sighs- I havnt told him a lot, I told him about my mom but not this much, hopefully when he sees this he'll understand why im always so depressed and sad.. Its not because of him and a lot of times he thinks it is.. I even have these fake laughs on the phone when I talk to him. I can act really well. I never laugh that much, I only laugh or smile when im talking to him and its all fake... -Runs my hand through my hair- Ok I think thats all I needed to say... Thanks for checking my journal out.
 Fly Tsume! C: Wait, No! Don't Fall! O: Fly! :3  Jimy is back · Mon Oct 18, 2010 @ 04:16am · 0 Comments |
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