I know I love him. What more do I need to know to follow him? Nothing; for my love I'd follow him to the shadow relm. Some might shake their head and call me a fool. Loving someone who might never care for me. They're blind. They don't see him like I do. He does love me, though he may never admit it to himself, much less to me. But he loves me. I can see it in the way his eyes soften when he looks at me. I can hear his voice change just slightly when he says my name,to say good bye for the night,for out love was not known to others,maybe mana,but she supported it.
No one else could see it or hear it, he wouldn't let them, but he can't keep the secrets he won't even acknowledge to himself from me. I love him and I always have. The moment I first lay eyes on him I could see the gears of fate clicking neatly together. Some people say that children don't understand love.-even if i wasn't a child.- I guess I didn't, but I still saw it. I don't really understand the powers of our gods, but I see it every day. I don't have to understand things to see them.
I can't really say that there's anything I really understand, and I wouldn't believe someone who said they did. Excepting the gods and goddess, of course. Understanding maybe is 'enlightenment'. I wonder if the enlightened understand everything, or just one important thing, like love or happiness or peace. I think maybe the gods and goddess understand peace. Perhaps with every new thing you understand, there's a new level of enlightenment.
He always seems peaceful. There's always the still, composed air about him. People comment on it. I used to see it too. It's a very trained kind of calm. The kind of illusion of peace that takes centuries to master. Every now and then I see flashes of confusion within him. Watching his frustration and uncertain self-loathing makes me want to cry.
I represent everything he's always hated. He can't become the father he's been trying to despise for longer than I can imagine.
And so I watch him, struggling to be heartless and invulnerable, and cry for him and for want of him. I will wait and hope, until I wither and fade from this world, that we can one day be together. That just for a little while, we could get a glimpse of understanding. I pray that one-day, he'll know peace.and be a part of the kingdom- my kingdom of Egypt
· Thu Nov 25, 2010 @ 03:42am · 0 Comments