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Last night I had another of my insanity trips O_<

I was angry for no reason during school.
Jared thinks it could be my empathy doing something. Maybe at the time my mum had found the last of my infantalist stuff in my room. Well she did and she chucked it.

I had a bad last lesson being bullied again. Proberbly gonna happen again today last lesson. I went home angry my mum wanted to talk. I didn't. We got into a huge fight I almost jumped out of my second story window to get away from her. She was saying how Im upset. I have not been happy for a year like since I started going on the internet. Saying how infantalism is not healthy.

We ended the conversation with we love each other and all that jazz.

I was feeling ill didn't eat had a long nap.

Later she went to work my real brother david went to bed.

I went to the casino n gaia with my friends. I was all happy and everything and I even brought my keyboard down and started playing some Final Fantasy 9 tunes which I could not play before but figured out.

Then Gash told us of his problems. I said maybe he should move in with Jack. Jared then asked me if my mum would let me move out at 16 or not. I said even if she doesn't I will anyway. Ryoukai my daddy scolded me and said not to talk like that, he and Fel kept telling me how hard its going to be. I kept saying I know and everything will be fine. If not I'll stay at home. I was getting angry again for no reason. For the past week or so I've been going on anger trips...hmmm maybe Im pregnant XDDD

Ryoukai got annoyed of the conversation and left and said he would come back later hopefully to a new conversation. When he left I was angry and then I told him to f off behind his back. Instantly I was upset cause I didn't mean it. And Fel and everyone told me not to be like that. Well I left and then Ryoukai talked to me on MSN well he said I should be listning and that everyone has problems. I was crying my eyes out wishing I could just be happy and none of this would happen.

I said sorry. He said for what? I said I was sorry for throwing their help back in their face and for getting angry and for swearing behind his back. What the hell is wrong with me? I love him loads I love them all.

I am sorry I am so sorry. I hate myself for this and am so ashamed of myself.

I asked Ryoukai if he still my daddy.
He said he will tell me tomorrow....today in other words.

I want him to be but I dont think I diserve to be his baby boy. Im not a kid not after the way I acted.

Im a terrible person
At least everyone is talking to me...and Fel celebrating everything ok by eating HUEG HOTDOGS

Well after the way I acted Im no kid and should not be forgiven so easially...