Well, today my ring came a few minutes ago. Check out my Deviantart to see it, and look in the Jewelry section of my gallery. (I got a clock for free, with my purchase. Oh JOY! biggrin But the best part of the package, if you ask me, is the BUBBLEWRAP.) On another side, I have started my Driver’s Ed online finally, though I’m not too pleased. Finished ¼ portions of it today. But here’s the biggest thing so far… Hold onto your hats!
ATTENTION: IF YOU GET EASILY BUTTHURT AT THE IDEA OF SOMEONE COMMITTING SUICIDE OVER SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET OR BEING TEASED OVER THE INTERNET, NOW IS A VERY GOOD TIME TO GTFO AND PRESS THE ‘X’ IN THE TOP RIGHT HAND OF THE SCREEN. (Besides, if it happens, Natural Selection is doing it’s job.)
Hello, and welcome to my first edition of Spot That Fake. Today, we will be examining a death certificate and learning how to spot a real one from a fake one. Let us take a look. Here, we have the death certificate of one Sarah M. Hurley, who was pronounced dead at 11 PM yesterday, aged 17 years. I was present in her “last” 24 hours of life, on a chatroom called Inuyasha Journey. Her Screen name was Hoshimei, and she was a general nuisance with all the other people whose names ended with –imei (Of which I might add, there were many of. Jeez, I can’t even tell which one was which!)
Here we spot the first flaw. This certificate was released on PHOTOBUCKET around 8:00 PM. You NEVER find death certificate on Photobucket for one, and for two, 8 PM. That’s 3 hours before she died. Unless this person had a copy sent some hours into the past, I doubt it happened.
We take a closer look. The SECOND flaw. We see, we have her social security number- OH WHAT THE ********. What dumbass puts their social security number on a death certificate while still alive and posts it on Photobucket?! (Sarah, I’m coming for you and your credit cards/bank accounts.)
The THIRD flaw. Says she died of the immediate cause of Ventricular Fibrillation, due to Coronary Arteriosclerosis. And the box that is for suicide is checked. Now what she had, the certificate implies, was heart disease. Now Sarah, did you honestly think you could get away with this? We only see heart disease in old people and in retards that have it congenitally. Do you want me to think that you were born with an essentially empty skull? In order for this to happen, you would have had to A) Had it congenitally B) Actually been around 47-65 years old C) Took a drug to induce blood clots to form in heart, which would have actually been more plausible D) Binged on McDonalds for the last week of your life, causing diabetic shock and clots to form. Though I wouldn’t put it past you, you ugly hambeast, you.
The FOURTH flaw. This certificate says that the autopsy was performed on the EXACT SAME DATE as her death. This seems like it could happen, but being the attention whore you are, do you honestly think a coroner will shrug aside all other corpses in the morgue waiting for an autopsy to give you just what you want? You arrogant b***h. It takes WEEKS for an autopsy to be performed.
The FIFTH flaw. It says she was buried on the EXACT SAME DATE as her death. Undertakers, this is for you. We all know how hard you work. You dig holes, you prepare bodies. But can you do it in hours? Even with a whole group of you? I can hear all of you saying no! It takes DAYS to dig a hole, and a long time to prepare the bodies, dear readers. The body is injected with formaldehyde to make it rot slower. Silicone is injected into the face to give it back its shape, to make it appear that the person is just sleeping. The undertaker has a pallet of compacted powders in every color imaginable, that they use to paint the face and make it look lifelike. That’s why if someone drowns, their face is all blue when you first see it. You see them in a coffin some days later, they look like they didn’t even drown. That’s powder on their face. An undertaker’s artwork.
With that, I conclude this edition of Spot That Fake, and I tell you, dear readers… If you try to fake your death certificate, I WILL FIND YOU.
P.S. In my gallery also, I have included a picture of said death certificate. Go and look now!
Link to photo: http://vincentsonlylover.deviantart.com/art/Fake-Death-Certificate-194246964
-Sera
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If you don't like it, don't comment on it. I might vent or rant. I'm not immune to certain stresses, and this doesn't really help. You CAN NOT and WILL NOT hold me responsible if you're a subject of this journal. Cmon, it's not like anyone will know.
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