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So, here I am. Alone, staring at this ocean as I try to muster the courage to jump and run away from this wall.
I don’t’ want to jump. I don’t want to be happy anymore, I’ll never climb up here again.
I descend down into the darkness grasping onto the already blood drenched wall clasps.
A little bit off away from the ground. I let go, a cloud of blacks and grays. Embraces me and says “we will never hurt you, you are never alone. Never alone my dear child.” I let my demons protect me and heal me. I find this darkness intriguing. I see that I am caught and I can’t stand. So I close my eyes, and I whisper these words. “I don’t know how to escape the bliss that is my darkness.” This feeling is like a spiritual healer, I see that it is in me. The feeling of nothing. There is no happiness no pain. No hearts break.
I’m safe. I am home.
But I am trapped here in my mind forever and for an eternity.
Even though the holes in my heart are small, I wanted to count them all and see how many times I could try and fix them, I can’t fix them, I have no heart left. Hundreds of little holes and not a space of love left. I’ll never climb this wall again. This is the end.