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My GOD, what do they want from us?
Have you ever failed at something you once loved, only to realize that you don't CARE? It's so strange. I used to love school, I failed at that. I love music and painting, but I'm only mediocre at best. I love writing. Writing hasn't failed me, I can't fail at it. But it's the only thing that I have left.
Gaia, a forum for people to meet, exchange ideas, debate, and otherwise escape from the mundane quandary they call existence. I think I'm failing at that. Can anybody else not see the color leaving my skin? Or am I the only one that knows the truth, that dying inside is necessary to see the world outside in a proper, un-softened way.
Yes, I can admit my shortcomings. I can admit my flaws, I can admit what is so sick and wrong about my hypocritical existence, about what is sick and wrong and hypocritical about this very writing. After all, if it's a personal thing, how on Earth, why even, do I want to explain. I don't know the questions to ask anymore. I reached the end of my rope a hell of a long time ago, and found out that, after you've given up, you still have to live your life.
But I can admit all that is good. I am honest, and can help people, on a personal, even on an impersonal level. I love unconditionally, even though I feel that the term is possibly incorrect for the feeling. The world may be falling apart, but I know that when it comes down to it, I can at least control me.
This is all I have, aside from the occasional scrape of my foot on the frozen bottom of the river, the wide, never-ending river.
And what if it does end?
What shall we do then?
I'm silly, stupid. This is why no one reads my blogs.
Bob the Checkout Guy · Thu Mar 23, 2006 @ 01:16am · 1 Comments |
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