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I'm about to turn 17 (~15 days). I like to think that I've learned a lot in my time. Especially in High School. Looking back on how I was as a Freshman, compared to know, is astounding. I've become who I am today by all the obstacles I've faced, and all the people who have come in/out of my life. Even looking back further to Middle School, I didn't know anything. It was the place where I first got into theater, where I met my best friend, where I got my first boyfriend (relationships? How do you do those?), where the entire process started of becoming who I am now.

If you dive into my past you'll see my alcoholic biological mother, my self-conciousness, my searching of somewhere to belong, and many other things. I like to believe that most of those things impacted my life in a positive way. If not when they were occuring, later on. Take my mother for example. When she lived with us, my life was one I did not want (to say the least). I was scared most of the time around her. I remember back in Elementary School, not sure which grade, it was her job to come pick me up from school. One day, I walk down the line of cars to see her red car with the front right tire popped, and grass stuck up inside it. I opened the passenger door when a wiff of alcohol came out. They always say not to get in a car when the driver is or was drinking, but this was my mother. I couldn't turn away, it didn't seem daughter-like. There were many instances such as that one throughout my 13 or so years living with her. At the time I thought this was all going to be behind me. That I'll just forget about it, and won't let it affect me. But, it did. First, in a negative way. But as I matured, I honestly think it helped me become, well, me.

I can definitely handle social interactions with people much more easier than I used to. I'm not going to lie, I was an angsty little thing. When I got a "boyfriend", I quote it since they weren't exactly the definition of boyfriend, I had no idea what to do. Get together, break up, get together again, break up, get together and swear if it doesn't work then that's it, break up, get back together just 'cos. They were this mysterious enigma I couldn't seem to grasp. I'm pretty sure I've gotten better at them though, at least from my view. Especially this year, I've learned a lot about them. Now, I'm not just talkign about "romantic relationships" when I say social interactions, I'm also talking about friends. I've held onto one since 7th grade (you know who you are biggrin ). Another we were friends in 2nd Grade, forgot about each other, became friends again in 6th Grade, fought, acquaintances, mortal enemies, now the best of friends. She's someone I can tell anything and everything to. It's insane if you look at the back story of it all. But I'm terribly happy we've stuck together.

My family was also a major part of it. Not just my biological mother. My sister, for instance, was practically my mother when we were growing up. Four years older than I am, she took care of me. She could be the best sister in the world, then the next day make me feel horrible. As we've grown up, fights have been had, tears have been shed, and the crap annoyed out of both of us. I always looked up to her, and still do. She's amazing. My dad, goodness. He's my dad. I love him so much, yet can hate him so much. Ha. He taught me so many things. Too many to make a list of or even try to enumerate. I could never thank him enough. Recently, Amy has come into our lives. She's filled that empty void that has been in our family. She's one of the most compassionate, humorous, lovely ladies I have ever met. I'm so glad to have her in our family and I feel like she will teach me many things without either of us knowing it.

Finally, I've accepted me. Fully. I've accepted my looks (cute face, pudgy belly), my oddball personality, my faults, my strengths, my slight OCD tendancies (loose hair D wink , and so on. I know I won't be the prettiest girl in the world. I won't be the most fit. That thought used to eat away at me and now, I just don't care. Sure, I'll have my off days where I think I'm absolutely hideous and disgusting. But who doesn't? I'm happy with who I am. I can now honestly say that without lying. After much searching, I'm not faking who I am. I am me and I choose my friends, not by popularity or "cool level", but if I truly enjoy their company. My friends now, if I had them back in Middle School (even though I had some of you), I'd be different. I would of understood all of this sooner. But, that's not technically a good thing. The trials and hardships I faced, helped. As cliche as it is to say so. Yet, I think they would still have the same maturing to do. We all mature at different rates. I think at my age currently, is when I matured.

I'm proud of who I am and how my life is going. I'm looking forward to the future, my career as a microbiologist, and what future relationships I will have.I still have a lot to endure during my life. The good, bad, and extremely awkward. My past will always stay with me, not haunt me. I'm excited to see where I'll end up.

I would like to thank everyone who has been there throughout for me. All of you hold a special place in my heart. As I've said, I wouldn't be who I am without you. c:


"Embrasser l'avenir, mais n'oubliez pas votre passé."
("Embrace the future, but don't forget the past." wink

-Morgan