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Noodle's Discarded Diary
5. Breaking Point
Noodle had long since lost track of both the time and her exact whereabouts as she wandered desolately along Plastic Beach, but from the position of the sun in the sky, she guessed that sunset was about an hour away. Not that it mattered. She hadn't found any supplies, but she had long since ceased looking. She hadn't done anything but walk along the beach staring at her feet since she had thrown her friends' pictures into the sea. But it wasn't important. She didn't need supplies, or a way off the island. She didn't need to escape this place. There was no reason to, no place to go to, no one waiting for her. Why waste her time fighting the inevitable?

She wasn't sure she could even find her way back to her shelter, but again, it didn't matter. She didn't really need shelter anymore either. True, the Boogieman was still back there, but she doubted it cared whether she returned or not. It wasn't like it had seemed to want her presence around this morning after all. She was sure it would be fine without her, and probably wouldn't even wonder what had become of her.

She sighed and kept walking, trying to ignore the slight chill in the air that had been present since the wind had picked up a while ago. She let her eyes wander over the endless refuse that was spread out before her. Nothing but useless filth and broken things. A fitting place for someone like her to end up, among the smashed cars and busted toys and plastic bags and…

She paused in her tracks. Was that a guitar?

Hardly believing her eyes, she made her way slowly over to it. It lay on the beach, safely away from the lapping waves, and it looked to be undamaged. It was an acoustic guitar, light yellow, with a white sticker that said "23 Hour Party People" on it. It was HER guitar. It had somehow survived the bombing and the destruction of the island, and now she had stumbled upon it in her wandering. It seemed absolutely impossible, but…here it was.

She picked it up, staring at it in wonder. She didn't know if it was due to her present state of mind or not, but for some reason, music appealed to her right now more than any food or drink possibly could. Forgetting everything else, she quickly looked around for a spot out of the damp where she could sit and play it. She spotted a rather tall trash heap that was a bit exposed to the elements, but nonetheless would have a terrific view of the sea, and headed for it.

Once she was seated at the top of it, she placed her fingers on the guitar's strings, and paused, wondering what to play. She tried a few Gorillaz songs from the earlier days, but they brought back too many memories of people she no longer wanted to think about. She tried "El Manana," but that…hurt. She fiddled with the strings, still trying to come up with something that suited. She didn't want cheery, she didn't want sad, she just wanted…comfort. And with that thought, her fingers found their places on the strings, and her mother's lullaby came from her guitar, and from her lips, to mingle with the mournful wind that was sighing across the landscape.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

The Boogieman sat in the shelter, staring out the window. The pain in his side had subsided to a bearable level as his body repaired itself, and he found that he could stand up and move around without too much trouble. It was best to leave the stitches in for at least another day though, he'd decided. And to remain in this little lean-to. It was out of the elements, it was relatively comfortable, and the girl who was also staying here, or rather, her supplies, were the only way he could get any food or water, and the Boogieman needed both, since he was stuck here on the mortal plane. For now.

Blast that Evangelist fool! He'd neutralized the Boogieman's powers with that Holy Light of his, and now the Boogieman could not disappear, take souls or create illusions with his Black Mist. He was trapped here, in a mortal body that was wounded, and he had no way of accessing his powers or of leaving this island. It was amazing how such a crazy fool had been able to best him, but then, fools always tended to be more dangerous than expected. They tended to be easier believers than most, free of doubts and second guessing, giving them strong, unshakable faith that made them very difficult to corrupt or even stand against. Not that the Boogieman had had much practice against them, since he was a very minor demon who did not have the power to harvest large numbers of mortal souls, but he had heard so from some of the others. When they could be bothered to acknowledge him, since they tended to have much bigger fish to fry than he did, and viewed him and others like him as unworthy of their presence. And they probably had a point, given that the Boogieman had been unable to capture the soul of a very weak-willed man who had approached HIM first and who should have been easy pickings. And now he was trapped on a garbage island, with little hope of escape. Probably a good place for him, given how laughably weak he was.

Still, it wasn't quite as bad as it could have been. He was still alive (if he had died in this body, he would have been unable to return to the mortal plane), since the girl had spared him on the beach, and because she had sewn his wounds shut, keeping his lifesblood from leaking out while his body repaired itself. Which baffled him. She had no reason to do such a thing. They were enemies. She was a member of that fool Murdoc's band, and she was fighting on his side, so she should have been glad to be rid of the Boogieman. Keeping him alive was just putting herself and her friend in further danger.

So why had she done it? Did she want something from him?

He could have at least understood that. A demon's whole soul capturing existence revolved around bargains. And given that she was in a dire situation herself, it would make sense that she would be willing to make some sort of bargain with him (even if he was powerless to fulfill it right now). But she hadn't given any indication that she wanted to make any sort of deal. The only deal she'd made with him was the one this morning, giving him water in exchange for being able to see to his wounds. But even that deal had made no sense. Both ends of it were things that had benefitted him, not her. She had made a deal with him and gotten nothing out of it, while he had gotten everything. He was baffled.

Why would she do this?

Perhaps she was crazy. It would certainly make sense, given all that she'd gone through since yesterday, and given how her prospects here were just as dire as his own. He could tell that the situation was affecting her. She had been very short tempered this morning, especially when he didn't seem interested in answering her inane questions (although, he hadn't actually been trying to anger her then. Since his mortal body could not speak, he could only communicate through gestures, and he found doing so made him feel ridiculous. Therefore, he didn't like to reply unless it was very important. Which her questions and lame jokes had not been). And so it had been easy to tell through her behavior and the look in her eyes that she was close to coming unhinged. And if this were true, it might spell an opportunity for him, since such people was always quite easy to corrupt. He couldn't take her soul now, as he was, but perhaps later…

But while such an action might be easy and certainly make this whole mess not a total loss, the Boogieman couldn't help but see it as somewhat unsatisfying. Getting a new soul would be a good thing, but an empty one. Because then he would never find out why she had acted the way she had. Why she had saved an enemy and made deals with him that brought her nothing. He wanted to understand, and if he took her soul for his dark master, he never would.

Was this yet another example of his weakness? Would a major or powerful demon let foolish curiosity stop him?

He didn't know. And as he looked out the window at the darkening beach, it occurred to him that there were many things he did not know. And this was not a comforting thought to have while alone in an empty and unfamiliar place.

The wind gusted slightly and for a moment, he thought he heard a strange sound in it.

He paused in his musings to listen, and when the wind blew again, he realized that he could hear music.

Curious, he moved to the doorway of the shelter. Was that music coming from the girl? He knew she was a guitarist in Murdoc's band, but he hadn't thought she'd had a guitar with her. At least, he hadn't seen one this morning, when she had been taking care of him. And she hadn't had one last night, when she'd sung for him.

As if that last thought were the trigger, he realized that the song he could hear on the wind was the same song that she had sung him to sleep with last night.

Which, of course, only confused him more. Why would she be singing that song now, when she was all by herself?

But his curiosity didn't seem so important right then for some reason. What he really wanted was to hear the song better. As strange as it was, he found it…pleasant. And it had helped him to fall asleep last night when he'd been so miserable. Which also didn't make any sense. Why would a song make him sleepy? Why would it make him less miserable? All the girl's actions last night after she'd seen to his wounds had brought him comfort. Which, of course, confused him, and also unnerved him, because a demon shouldn't find silly, weak human things comforting. It was likely another example of how pathetic he was, but he could not deny that it was the truth. Nothing she had done had made his pain go away, but for some reason, being in pain in her arms had been less miserable than being in pain alone on the beach had been, and he could neither understand, nor deny it. It seemed as though the blasted girl had been put on this beach for the sole purpose of baffling him!

But right at this moment, he didn't care so much about any of that. Right now…

Right now he just wanted to hear the song better.

He began to move away from the shelter, following the sound of the music on the wind.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Noodle had lost herself in her singing. She no longer cared about her surroundings or her situation or anything that had happened to her. All she cared about was finding some sort of comfort, and she desperately sought it in the old lullaby's lyrics. She sang it over and over, and as she did so, her memory of it became clearer, just as it had last night. There was another part to the song, and as she sang, more and more bits of it came back to her, until she was sure she could reproduce it on the guitar. Looking out over the darkening sea, she sang:

Love is the power

Love is the glory

Love is the beauty

And the joy of spring

Love is the magic

Love is the story

Love is the melody

We all can sing

She stopped singing. Tears filled her eyes and her throat closed up with grief and anger. Her guitar slipped from her numb hands and fell from the slope. She didn't even spare it a glance. There was a meaningless thunk and snapping of strings as it smashed to the ground somewhere below her.

Love is…love is….love is NONE of those things, Mother! It's nothing but pain and grief and vulnerability! And betrayal! It's all ******** lies, all of it. ALL of it! Why did you have to lie to me? Why does EVERYONE always lie to me? I hate you for lying…I hate you as much as I hate all the others…

And finally, no longer having any reason whatsoever to hold it back, Noodle buried her face in her hands and cried.

She cried because her mom had lied to her. She cried because she missed her mom. She cried because Dr. Kyuzo had taken her and made her into a soldier when she was just a little girl, then sent her away when she was ten. She cried because she missed him. She cried because her friends had replaced her with a machine and left her to die. She cried because she missed them. She cried because the helicopters had come….she cried because of what the men inside those helicopters had done…she cried because no one had even tried to rescue her from them…she cried because of what she'd had to do to escape. She cried because as soon as she found something, anything to hold onto, it was taken away from her. Taken away from her and revealed to have not been worth the effort in the first place. She cried because she hated everyone who had ever been important to her. Because they had lied to her and used her. And most of all…

Most of all, she cried because she hated herself. Hated herself for being so useless as a musician that she had been easily replaceable. Hated herself for being so useless as a soldier that she had been easily defeated and left to die in a garbage dump. And hated herself because she had LET all her loved ones lie to her and use her. Hated herself for believing all their lies.

And now she was going to die on this island, and it was a fitting end for her. Her worthlessness had gotten her what she'd deserved, and now there was nothing to do but wait for the end. Then her body could join all the other useless trash, where it belonged. She sobbed her anguish into her hands and the wind took it from her and sent it out over the deserted, uncaring beach and to the empty sea beyond.

She thought she heard a crunch behind her, as though someone had stepped on broken glass or brittle plastic. She didn't bother turning around to see what it was. What did it matter?

Nothing mattered. And all she could do was cry, cry like a scared lonely girl who wanted her mom. Because when everything else about her had been stripped away, that was all that was left.

She heard the sound of a footstep behind her, and felt a presence over her. She didn't care. Whatever it was could go away or kill her or anything it wanted. It made no difference.

The presence behind her moved to her right, and then it was kneeling beside her. Finally letting her curiosity get the better of her misery, Noodle looked over at whatever it was.

The Boogieman looked back at her with its blank white eyes. Its head was cocked to the side as though it were confused. She didn't know why it had left the shelter or how it had found her, but she didn't really care. The last thing she needed was that blasted monster staring at her while she was at her most vulnerable. She lowered her face back into her hands and turned her back on it while she continued to cry. She didn't give a damn about why it was here. If it wanted to kill her or torture her or eat her or drag her to Hell, it could do so. Hell certainly couldn't be any worse than this place. And if it did want to kill her, she might actually welcome a quick end to her misery. Quicker than starving to death, anyway. Let it do what it wanted.

But it didn't do anything. She could no longer see it, but she could still feel it behind her. And it seemed to be doing nothing more than staring at her.

Just hurry up and get it over with! I want this to end! If you're going to kill me, then just do it! Suddenly angry, she lowered her hands from her face and smacked the ground as hard as she could with a fist. Damn it, just kill me you ugly piece of s**t. I won't stop you. Do it already! But she didn't say anything to it. She was crying to hard too do so. She just waited for it to come for her.

And it finally did, moving toward her until it was once again beside her.

Noodle cried. And waited.

It reached out and touched her finger.

Noodle gasped. But…she didn't pull her hand way. She wasn't sure she could. The air between them seemed infused with tension, and she almost felt as though she couldn't move.

Hesitantly, it rubbed her fingers with a strange, awkward gentleness. The unexpected action brought fresh tears, these ones hot and stinging to her eyes. Perhaps they were tears of shame, or embarrassment, or perhaps they came from some deeper, until now undisturbed place inside her, but they could not be stopped and she cried them out in hissing, watery sobs, trying to ignore the creature at her side. And the fact that it was still rubbing her fingers. A bit harder.

"Go away," she tried to say, but she couldn't form the proper words through her sobs. It sounded more like incoherent sniveling.

It stopped rubbing her hand, almost as though it had understood her. She felt it move slightly, as though it was indeed preparing to leave. Then she felt its huge hands take hold of her, and before she knew it, she was being lifted from her spot on the hill. And although she had been prepared for the end, had wanted it in fact, she couldn't help giving a little squeak of fear as the monster picked her up.

It gently lifted her into its lap and encircled her with its long, spindly arms.

She gasped again and tried to wiggle free, but it had her and it wasn't letting go. It held her to it and laid her head against its strange, bony chest.

All she could do was bury her face in its cloak and cry. Some more.

It gently rested its head on the top of hers. Then snapped it up almost immediately.

Noodle stopped crying for a moment. What on earth was it doing?

Its hand came up and adjusted her head on its chest, seemingly trying to make her more comfortable. Its large clawed fingers, not really meant for gestures of affection, nonetheless softly caressed the back of her neck.

Noodle finally realized that it was mimicking her actions from last night. It was trying to comfort her, but, as a demon, it likely had absolutely no idea how to do so. So it was using the only frame of reference it had: her attempts to comfort it last night. It was acting out the same things she had done, in the hope that perhaps one of them would make her feel better.

The absolute clumsiness and yet, sincerity of the gesture struck her as almost cute, and she giggled. Or at least tried to. Her body seemed to only want to do one thing right now, and her giggle came out as more sobs.

The creature held her tighter and began to rock her gently in its arms.

She sniffled into its cape, finding the rocking motion slightly soothing. What's it going to do next? Try to sing for me?

As if on cue, she heard it exhale loudly from above her. She raised her head from its chest in curiosity and saw faint smoke coming from the snout of its mask. And as the smoke swirled slightly in the wind, she thought she could hear things in it. Bells. Whistles. The sound of a crowd. The music of a carnival.

Then the wind gusted, the faint smoke dissipated, and the sounds were gone.

The creature tried again, breathing out harder this time. The same smoke issued from its snout in a slightly larger quantity. This time, mixed in with the sounds of the carnival, she could hear a faint voice…rapping?

Payday, you're a winner…

Keep cool, form a-

The sound was fading. The Boogieman tried again, breathing out just a sputter of smoke this time. The song faded into a jumble of noise, then picked up at what sounded like a different spot.

There's dealers, and players and-

Fading…

It breathed out again. The song picked up disjointedly once more.

Sun moon starry y'alls

Each and-

It faded once again. The creature tried to bring it back again, breathing out once more, but no more smoke at all came from its snout, and the carnival noises disappeared on the wind.

Noodle could only stare at the monster with wide eyes. What the hell kind of lullaby was that? Was that the only song it knew?

It hung its head a bit, as though it were disappointed with itself for failing.

She finally understood just how hard it was trying to make her feel better and she threw her arms around it. It jumped a bit, as though startled, but she nestled against its chest and buried her face back in its cloak and eventually she felts its arms tighten around her once more. She still had tears left, and she would cry them out, but for the first time she felt as though everything might actually be all right. She was sad, she was miserable, she was trapped here with no way to escape, but she was not alone and that was all that mattered to her. She could cry in comfort, in safety, and in the end, everything would turn out all right.

She wasn't sure how long she cried, but her sobs finally began to come under her control and she lay in the monster's arms, calming herself down with soft, hitching breaths. It was rocking her in its arms again, the motion soothing her and making her sleepy. She laid her cheek against its bony chest and closed her eyes. The strange monster certainly wouldn't have been her first choice of people to snuggle with, but it wasn't unpleasant either. She felt its fingers come back up and rub the back of her neck again, and she reached out and guided them up a bit so that they were touching her hair. It seemed to get the idea and was soon smoothing her soft purple hair with its long fingers.

She sighed in gentle, relieved contentment and drifted off to sleep while the creature held her and looked out over the sunset painted sea.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

She woke up because she felt herself moving. She was being lifted. She opened her eyes a bit and saw that it was completely dark out. And she was moving. She was being carried, upright, her feet dangling, her bottom supported, her head against someone's shoulder, as though she were a little child being carried by her mother. But it wasn't her mother who was carrying her. She knew that. But it was all right. She knew she was safe, that the one who was carrying her wasn't going to hurt her. She slipped her arms around the Boogieman's neck to steady herself in its arms a bit and laid her head back on its shoulder. Sleep was calling her back, and its voice was enticing.

She felt herself moving for quite a while as the creature picked its way among the piles of refuse, but eventually she felt it stoop down and then she was surrounded by a stronger darkness. The voice of the wind was muffled and the chill in the air was reduced.

She opened her eyes a crack and saw that they were back in the shelter. The Boogieman moved over to the window and laid her down beside it, then moved over to the other end of the room, where she heard it set something else down. It must have remembered to bring her pack back with it was well. Thankfully. Then it came back over to her and lay down beside her. It reached out an arm and gently draped its black cloak over her. It was soft and warm and her remaining chilliness disappeared. The monster's presence beside her made her feel safe and protected, and its hissing breathing, once strange and irritating to her, was now a comforting, familiar sound. A smile touched her lips as she began to drift back toward sleep with the Boogieman beside her.

"Thank you," she whispered.





 
 
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