What does it feel like? nothing. everything. bliss. pain. the beginning but the end. deep and slow is how it goes. savor each devastating moment as i continue to destroy myself. the little beads of scarlet grow on the slit, collecting then rolling down my skin. at first i feel only a sting, then nothing. oh, such a sensational relief to feel nothing. the pain and guilt and suffering of another day bleeds away. slice after slice, slowly and methodically i use my only weapon against this world, against myself. i feel the warmth of my blood running down my arms, dripping onto the floor. i make no effort to stop it. i just savor the clarity of this moment.

but that is not the end. after the laceration of my body has ceased, reality regains its proper place in the front of my mind, clouding my vision of dreams and hopes. the tears fuzz my vision, my breathes become choked. a silent scream is all to be heard. all the pains and the insults and lies and truths overwhelm me. pitiful. useless. ugly. selfish. freak. alone. thats the one that hits me hardest. alone. alone. ALONE! I look around, this space around me, a constant reminder of what is true. tears run down my face. a primative noise escapes my throat and all i can do is crawl into a ball, trying to protect myself from the evils that surround me. alone. alone. alone. no one will come. my arms, my legs, my hands covered in thin scars. marking me forever what i am. what i always will be. maybe one day, i think, they will fade. but i, I ALONE, will know their presence, feel each one burning into my flesh, my soul. and that is the end. that is how it feels.



*thought this up today, tell me what you think. might be somethig i add to something i write, like a book i dont know