Things have changed a lot in such a short time it seems. I was living in an obsure little town with only one Wal-mart. When I was 18 to 19, I was struggling to find a job and getting into college seemed hopeless. My biological father offered to help, but we had a complicated relationship since I hadn't seen him since I was 7 and I felt resented by him. Everything seemed as though nothing would work at all.
Finally, I found a few odd jobs and found one I could stick with for a while. In between my jobs, my father committed suicide and everything felt like it was crumbling. I embraced the grieving process to overcome it. I ended up finding a new job and moved in with my friends. Everything seemed great. I had a sweet boyfriend, good job, and renting a place with my friends. Those times were fun, but then me and my boyfriend split up and my job started taking advantage of me. I held my head high and focused on myself, but then I found Scott in my moment of weakness...
I didn't know much about him except that he recently moved to the town. I found him attractive, so I absent-mindedly handed him my number and ran back to get back to work. I had no idea what was in store. In a short time, he began to manipulate me, telling me I'm beautiful and the sweetest girl ever. My friends and family warned me about him, but I went against them and followed him blindly. He supposedly had a troubled past involving abuse, abandonment, and foster care. He also had a bad record and history of drug use. I really didn't know what I was thinking. Maybe I thought I could help him go down the right path and for a possibility of being in love like how I was with my previous boyfriend.
Soon after, I left the small town to live with him. I had many doubts and troubles in my head, but I still went. We had to move into a cheap beaten up apartment since the nicer ones wouldn't accept Scott's criminal record. It was a little scary. Cops circled the area and the neighbors were unruly and shady. I found out they wouldn't go away because he made friends with them and he would invite them inside. I was becoming heavily stressed and depressed. He wouldn't find a job at all and I was getting emotionally and verbally abused. I noticed he had the signs of possibly physically abusing me, so I would back down to try to not anger him. I would cry at nights and beg God to help me. I became isolated and rarely talked to people. I enrolled in college to feel happier and hopefully to motivate him to work. It of course didn't work, but it opened my mind and brought me solace. One night, he invited a few friends over to hang out. I drank heavily to escape my pain. His friends (which ended up turning on him and becoming mine) noticed I didn't seem right. My friend Star said to me, "Just between us girls, are you really happy? I noticed that lately don't seem like yourself and you seem very sad." I suddenly started crying out of control since I was heavily intoxicated and let out all the pain. Scott of course didn't comfort me at all. I locked myself in the bathroom and looked at my reflection. I talked to my reflection, and it was eerie. It was like I wasn't talking to myself. I saw a woman trapped in misery and agony. I said "Look at yourself. Are you really happy? You need to get out before it gets worse..."
I didn't sleep well that night. I immediately thought of ways to escape. My older sister told me before that I could live with her if something bad happens, and right then I needed my family. I called her early in the morning to let her know that I lied about how happy I was and that I desparately needed help. She was more than ready to come aided by my brother-in-law's family to get me out along with my things. When I walked back to my apartment, Scott asked me where I went and what I was doing. I coyly smiled and said nothing was wrong. My friend Star told him off about how terrible he was being to me. He just went quiet and slammed the door and later took off. I talked with her to let her know that I was talking to my sister and that I'm leaving him. In that time, we developed a close bond. He stormed back in and said that he and Star are no longer friends. She asked him if he claims to love me, why doesn't he seem to express it? He said that after a while couples aren't as close and it's just how it is. I cried out "My parents have been married for 15 years and they're still really close!" I ran out of my apartment to meet with my sister. She told me to wait for her at a gas station or a fast food restaurant. He suddenly drove up to me and asked me to come in to talk. I was scared stiff. I didn't know if he was going to hurt me or chase after me if I didn't go in, so I stepped in the car. He parked by the apartment and talked about how he's not perfect and that he loves me, wants to be with me and tons of other garbage. I remained silent and looked down. He then asked me if I wanted to be with him. I opened my mouth to talk, but I made inaudible grunts until finally I said I don't know. Scott then banged on the steering wheel like a maniac and bawled like an over-sized baby. I stared in horror. I feared what he was going to do, and just before the worst could happen, my older sister knocked on the door and ordered me to get out. He was dumbstruck and asked what's going on. I followed my sister like a frightened dog. She demanded for the keys to my car. He asked again what's going on and she yelled, "She's leaving you!"
It really didn't take long for my family to clear out that apartment. I remember watching my sister and my mom scream at that a*****e and how it resembled two enraged wolves tearing up someone that harmed their pup. When I left, he blew up my phone with millions of messages about how he doesn't understand why I'm leaving and how he loved me so much and how he's going to become homeless and hungry. I finally sent him a message saying that I hope he's ok and that I never told him I loved him because I was nervous, but the actual truth was because I couldn't love someone who was messing with my mind. He instantly sent me several texts about me coming back and that he doesn't know what to do. Enough was enough. I sent him a 10 paragraph text about how he can simply take his name off the lease so it won't show up on his record and that he needs to stop blaming all his problems on everyone else and for him to grow up and be a man. I changed my number so he couldn't reply ;P He was still email me because stupid gmail can't block people. It only filters messages and makes it so they go to the trash. He finally quit two months ago.
Things have been better for me. I got my own apartment and I decided to change my major to graphic arts since it's more me. I'm not looking to get into a serious relationship anytime soon, just dating is fine. I had my palm read a few days ago and the girl told me I need to have more faith in myself and that my talent will take me far. I just need to be more sure of myself and see that nothing is out of my reach.
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Diary of a Strange Girl
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