Good morning Gaia!
Wow it's been a while since I wrote in this journal... I've grown up a little bit since the last time. It's amusing looking back and reading those old entries. The loves I used to have, the agonies, the excitement of days past... I'm glad I wrote that stuff down. smile
Here I am, on the brink of stepping into a whole new world: moving from California to Kansas for college and hopefully veterinary school right after.
I currently have a boyfriend: his name is Jeremy. He and I have hot and cold moments, and for the past several months we have been going through a gloriously cold spell. At this point I'm thinking the relationship is thoroughly frostbitten through and through and should probably be amputated before gangrene can occur. But who knows. Heh. My plan is to simply allow the relationship to die naturally as we separate and talk less and less as the miles start to wear down upon our alleged devotion. We had a conversation last night regarding our willingness to fight for our relationship. Neither of us are willing to stand up to the challenge. Which I honestly think is a clear sign that this relationship needs to end. When neither are willing to fight, why must we (mostly me) invest so much time and effort into maintaining something that isn't worth any of our efforts? I thought maybe he and I could be something pretty amazing.
Both of us are a little broken: bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. As it turns out, everyone was right. (I hate it when they are.) Our own mental problems are too much for the both of us. He doesn't have the capability for empathy, and I simply am tired of trying over and over and over again to gain his respect and to get him to put in the same amount of effort that I do. So, we are through. Kinda.
As a kelp plant grows up from the ocean floor, it is attached by a strong hold-fast that prevent the plant from being yanked up and thrown about in the ocean waves. Our hold-fast is holding on by one tiny fiber.... that is being gnawed at by the urchins of time.
Heh, we shall see. I'm terrified to move away, but I know I must eventually. This song, "Photograph" by Nickelback very effectively summarizes what is happening in that regard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St9YWSFe4Uo
Looking at all these old pictures I have... I miss everything so much. I wish I could go back and re-live it all.
Red_Strigosus Community Member 
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