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And more than a few years later!
What in the majiggas is up! I can't BELIEVE that I'm in...college...OMG IS IT TRUE!? I've gotta' say, I've kinda' changed as far as speaking in real life goes, but I'm still the same ole Kirra back from the dead for a short time only!! Get it while it's hot! But no really,who would even spy this journal entry and take a peek into its contents? I've been gone for yeeeeaaars! Like,legit,been gone for years. :O Life has been going on,things have been happening,and I need a breather. Also,I dunno if there's a word for "comparing things previously written in the past just to post how I currently type".That's a mouthful,so let's hope that some genius made up something on urban dictionary or whatever. idea
But jes, I have to admit, re-reading these journal entries from way back when is uber...super...mega ultra giga embarrassing as hell!!!! It's strange to see the metamorphosis from bare bones grammar to almost as literate as a novel!(I am getting ahead of myself,but when you look at youtube comments sometimes,I might as well be "novel" material badaBING!) For serious though, now I've devolved from that a bit, if that even is a thing, and I'm talking all whoopdeedoo, but that's just how life has treated me. I like it though, shows a more laid back side of me which I wish I had more of in my life. I was an uptight shtick, still a pretty uptight shtick, but much less now thanks to...me. Aha, how narcissistic! I've also grown conceited. The joys of old age. xp Lemme' see here, it's weird typing in my journal again. I look back and think, "Wow,I've really grown as a person." Not to say that I'm without fault, but I have so much more life experience that previous entries. I chock it up to not posting like a crazy, but hey, isn't it interesting? I recently have been dealing with some choice struggles and I believe I will be dealing with those for quite some time. So. Goes. Life.
Not to alarm my invisible readers, but life has been a burning, stick to the bottom of a pan and take hours to scrub it out until you realize you can't scrub everything out MESS. I can't erase the things that I have regretted, but that also means I can't erase the things that I've enjoyed. Seeing how I used to be and putting it alongside how I currently am, really gives me the perspective that I've been avoiding for a while now. I think I was...a bit afraid, that's a little silly I know, to accept the person I was. It's hard having your flaws at the time come reeling back at you like some sort of fish hook, dangling the parts of you that you'd rather not see. Well shoot, it's easy to see that I've gotten more expressive with language which can only be a fantastic thing! I said to my friend on the phone last night, "Man,was I pretentious!" And honestly, I can see it.
Real talk(please avoid if you hate personal and emotional dilemmas):
I never really said it aloud, but somewhere, inside of me, was someone who thought she was entitled to everyone's opinion. That, somehow, if I didn't like what someone said, that made them a lesser person. And that's unbelievably callous and arrogant of me! I'm shocked, but I really did think that. There was(still is) an inferiority complex dwelling dormant in me, ready to activate when I detected weakness. It sprung up from the fact that I needed to be better than someone, anyone else and that's wrong. I now understand that it is as much an addiction as anything else. It made me feel on top of the world. 'Cause, look, I can do this! I can type like this! I can be like this! But what did I really gain from that? Not much aside from trying to always be one step up, which, in retrospect isn't a bad thing, but it's so negative to view things with that one narrow outlook!!! So, as far as I'm concerned, I'm still trying to work at it. There are times when I slip up, but you need to learn from your mistakes no? URGH. ANYWAYS.
So like I was saying before that deeply personal aside, I'm the same and different all bundled up into one. I love cute stuff, I heart anime, and video games is the bomb diggety! I'm playing Persona 4 and it is the shizz. I might type in this again in oh, 5 or so years. I'll be in my 20s and rife with the stress of adulthood. 'Till then, laters! <3 smile
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