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Ralph Randal was just an average farm kid employed by his dairy-farmer dad. He wasn’t the coolest or the most popular guy in his small town due to being lanky and a little obsessed with magic tricks.
Ralph was sweet on a girl he saw weekly at the local farmer’s market, but sadly, she had a distaste for magicians and redheads, both of which, he sadly was. He just couldn’t find a way to impress her.
More than anything, Ralph wanted to impress people; that’s why he wanted to one day travel to a city like Las Vegas and perform amazing tricks live. Unfortunately, he just never was any good at it, and would always be stuck as a dairy farmer.
One day, Ralph went to call in the cows, and noticed a few missing. Grumbling, Ralph went into the field to find the stragglers, only to find that they had wandered through a break in the fence and into the woods beyond.
Ralph found the first three easily enough; they were grazing, as cows are wont to do, however, he spotted to last one’s tail disappearing across the property line. The neighbor’s property was owned by an eccentric billionaire who had bought the place in order to do experiments and nothing else. The outside was left in shambles, and Ralph quickly got lost.
As for what happened next, let’s just say it involved a couple of dubiously hired Russian ‘body guards’, one too many wise cracks, two black eyes, and a misfire involving a Mysterious Ray-gun(tm). Ralph later woke up on the billionaire’s couch, where the man informed him that he had been found compatible for an experiment, and congratulations, Ralph was now one of the most powerful high schoolers on earth. Say wha?
The billionaire, Mr. Pomeranian (don’t laugh; he can make your brain boil whilst his ‘bodyguards’ use you as a trampoline) quickly became Ralph’s sponsor and worked to help him discover the abilities bestowed upon him by the ray gun.
After exactly one training montage full of teenage angst, Ralph finally discovered his amazing ability while dunking some cookies in a glass of milk (angstily): when he accidentally knocked the glass over(in angst!), the liquid within suddenly disappeared and reappeared in his mouth. He had made it teleport!
Ralph experimented with more milk, and this is what he found out: He could teleport it to anywhere so long as there was empty space for it to go, and he could teleport from anywhere! Excitedly, Ralph imagined that with this ability, that his magic career would soon kick off. However, he also knew that this was bigger than himself and that his powers must be used for good.
After more experimentation (And another montage!), the young man acknowledged that all he could teleport was the substance known as milk. Heh, no matter what he did or became, he would always be a dairy farmer.
Within a year, Ralph was packed and ready to leave for the big city. Mr. Pomeranian met him on his way out.
“You know that people will need a name for their new hero,” he said sagely.
Ralph paused and thought back to his roots; who he was and who he would become, turned toward the camera, and said in a deep, masculine voice, “let them call him, ‘The Milkman’,”
-Opening credits rolled. Silver letters spelling out, ‘Rise of the MILKMAN’ twirled onto the screen to the sound of heavy bass and heroic trumpets sounds.-

As it turns out, Milkman’s ability wasn’t as helpful as Mr. Pomeranian, Ivan, and Joe (the ‘bodyguards’. ‘Joe’ was also stereotypically-named named ‘Ivan’, so Mr. Pom had him change it) made him think. For one, the power to transport milk only worked if there was an empty space, -such as a mouth or stomach- for the substance to go, and our hero soon found out that only a very small handfuls of super villains were lactose intolerant. (But woe to those who were!)
Worse still, city papers soon chastised him for causing the city-wide epidemic known as “empty-carton rage”. Well, the milk had to come from somewhere, and the Milkman usually got it from nearby homes, seamlessly sucking every last drop of milk within a mile radius from their cartons, cartons that would then sit empty in the fridge until someone’s mom found it.
I swear, Mom, the Milkman did it. For the greater good.

*Simply reach above your head and pull the rope to activate The Reacher.
*Pressurized air will shoot a golf ball along the railings that will be installed onto your ceiling.
*After the golf ball has made a 180○ turn at the end of the railing it will bounch off your tv and hit the remote.
*The remote will then flip into the air, do summersaults and should land in your lap.
Disclaimer:
*The Reaher may cause dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, logorrhea, onomatopeia, the need to shop at ikea, a trip to South Korea, visions of Cytherea, Dorothea, Dulcinea, a mental galleria and your own pizzeria.*The Reacher Company is not reliable to repair any damage done to you, your pets nor items in yourselves home. *The Reacher Company will provide a single golf ball. We are not responsible for your negligence.