I don't get it, well maybe I do but it is hiding from me at the moment. I need help, I say it in so many ways without actually flat out proclaiming it to the world, but honestly I need help.
I need some sort of guidance, something to ask as a pillow to stop me from hurting myself day in and day out. There is no one out there to tell me that I am doing good, so I only have myself to think that I am horrible. The lack of help may be an indicator that I am in fact turning horrible, its just that no one cares to agree or even tell me otherwise.
My friends don't care, but how can they care if they 1) don't talk to me 2) are busy 3) I don't say anything until its too late. But how am I going to try and flag one down and make them listen to me when they have more important things to do? Its the same with my family, they're busy they don't care and if I say something I get yelled at in some way or another.
Even here no one says anything. I'm lost no matter where I try to go. I'm supposedly a dripping sack of emo here, but at this moment I guess I should call myself emo. I basically fit the stereotypical bill for emo-ness.
I've never felt this kind of emptiness before, not even when I was cheated on and left for dead. I still haven't found anyone to help me get over that, and I doubt I ever will. But what is bothering me at this point is the fact that I'm hopelessly lost. I have nothing to go on but my own internal monologue and that is worse than any critic out there. I'm perpetualating my own demise and I can't stop myself. I've tried so hard to do something, but no matter what I do I fall to pieces again.
My problems mean little to the general public, and I am aware of this. The world is not centered around me, nothing is centered around me - not even my world. I have no main focus, I have no anchor, I have nothing. As I said my friends are too busy to help me, and to ask for their help would be selfish. They have their own problems, their own boyfriends, their own happiness and who am I to go and spoil it?
I'm NOT. And I won't. But how am I going to get help if I don't ask? I need help, I need guidance. I've stood up on my own for so long trying to make things right when I can't even make decisions. I'm hopeless when it comes to my own life and my own problems.
Yeah, I'm losing it. Its probably gone already.
Yes, definately gone.
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Stupid-no-Jutsu : The art of being stupid.
Finally released in a totally unabridged format.
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duir ancient Community Member |
Princess Jae The Pirate
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Decreptore Community Member |
ShaIIow
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ShaIIow Community Member |
ShaIIow
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Decreptore Community Member |
ShaIIow
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duir ancient Community Member |
duir ancient
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Decreptore Community Member |
User Comments: [12] [add]
Community Member
Let me tell you something. You're not turning horrible like you thought you were, you're just getting more and more desperate for somebody that can spare a moment to try and understand what's going on in your world. And I have to disagree -- turn horrible? You're nothing less than human.
Yeah, maybe I sound like, idk, I'm a psych or something. But the only reason I know what you're going through is because I've been there. And you want to know something? I even make often trips back there. I suppose you could say I'm happy -- I've got a gorgeous gf, lots of ppl like me, a lot of girls want to go out with me (by the way, that's a bad thing -- trust me lol). But the fact is, things happen to you and you try not to show that you're affected by them. But you are. And all of that frustration just keeps getting thrown in your closet and ignored, but what happens when the door breaks because the closet's too full?
I've got a lot more to say, so I'll see if I can post another comment.