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Not what I thought Not what I hoped for
3/11/15

Walking up to the palace made me feel uneasy.
For some reason I felt like something had gone wrong.
Something was not right, and it was making it very hard breath.
Each step felt heavy and took great effort, like I had a chain weighing me down.

I gripped onto my shirt, slightly pulling it out as if that would aid me along.
I tried swallowing down the uneasiness and sighed awkwardly.
I looked up at the building and saw a shadow cast down upon the entryway.
It was almost comforting; the palace wasn’t absorbed in the light that usually was there during high noon.

The court yard was dim and cool, and it felt like everyone- everything was resting.
I took another shaky breath and kept on going, eventually reaching the front steps.
The doors were open to let in the sweet air; curtains of silk were swaying slowly.
I could see my mother folding, and picking new silks for the coming spring change in the palace.

My mother smiled at me and nodded over her shoulder.
I nodded in return and began walking to the main room.
I never truly got over how tall the palace was.
Walls of goldish white silks and tall pillars of smooth stone lined the walk way.
It was my favorite place in the palace; if you looked up, you could see the blue sky or the stars at night.

Servants went back and forth through this hall, talking and going about their business.
I was friends with them all, and really, they loved me more than anyone else in the palace.
Occasionally they would tell me secrets about people who once lived here, or gossip about new events.
I didn’t really care for it much until now…

I could see it on their faces; the sickly frown of sadness one gets after their mother scolds them.
I could see it…
They knew, and the only reason I knew was because they told me.
They told me what was happening, and I tried my hardest to prove it false.

As they past I heard one say, “I’m so sorry princess…”
It hurt so much to hear; they were only trying to protect me, and thats why they told me.
I stopped at the main room’s door and rested my head on the wood.
I listend and waited, and then I waited some more.

Nothing could be heard, so I thought just maybe- maybe the servants were lying to me.
And there it was ...A light, almost childish giggle...
I could hear her voice, and I could see her in my mind.
She was there, touching and feeling…

I wanted to believe that this was false, that what I was feeling in my head- in my heart wasn’t true.
Until he opened the door and I saw him.

Until he saw my face, when all the pain in my heart struck me.
Until he tried to touch me, did I start to cry.
I could see her there, laying in my satin robes laying on my bed side.
This isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t what I wanted to see.

Without a word from either of us, I pulled the heart from around my neck and ran.
I ran as hard as I could down the hall.
I ran past the pillars and the walls.
I ran past the servants and my mother.
I ran so hard that I fell onto my knees.
The pain was immense but was soon numbed by the pain I felt in my chest.

He came after me and saw me sitting there.
I felt his presence behind me and his shadow on my skin.
My ears rang and my body was practically steaming.
A very sharp pain was welling up in my spine and shoulders.
And like that…
My wings turned black.

I stood up on my feet; my knees covered in dirt and blood.
I stretched out my wings and wiped my face.
Tears still streaming down my cheeks.
My breath heavy.
I knelt down slightly and jumped as hard I as could, letting my wings take up the wind and carry me away.

I just kept flying, and flying until everything was black.
The sky was black, the world below was black, and I too felt like a shadow.
I was tired and decided to visit the moon.
Here I rested. Here I stayed.

You were-
Not what I thought, Not what I hoped for.