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I am crying my eyes out and am being really horribly upset over a stupid ribbon. I mean, it's just a piece of cloth with writing on it. Why the hell should I care about it? It will have zero influence on my future. I shouldn't care! My god, it's just a stupid ribbon! It should be inconsequential.

It should. But why isn't it? I've wanted to get one from Track+Field for so long, since Grade Four. But I give up. ******** it. I'm not going to get a ribbon. I know that. So, why should I care? Why sshould I try? I've tried, and tried for four year and this, the fifth year, I'm not going to bother.

Whatever.

But it hurts. It hurts to set your heart on something, every year and never get it. It hurts to realize you are so pathetic, you can't even win a single sixth place ribbon. It hurts to know that every single other person in your class has gotten ribbons, plural, and you don't have one.

It hurts, when at last you finally ******** think you're going to get a damn ribbon, because, including you, there are only six ribbons in the longest race, the 800 metre. It hurts to ribbon how you had sung, laughed and smiled before that race, being so happy. So ******** happy. It hurts to remember that after you told one girl, she went and joined. After I had grinned and told her thart I was finally going to get a ribbon, in a sing-song, pathetically happy voice, she joins the race.

She gets that sixth place ribbon. It hurt to see her with it. It hurt to try my ******** hardest to place in that race, and to lose. It hurt to remember how I had caved in and sobbed that day.

It hurts to think I have to go to school tomorrow and do Track and Field.

But I don't care. I don't care. I'm not even trying. Whatever.

My god, I'm a loser. I know this is pathetic, but the sting of failure hurts and I just had to get it out. It's not like anyone reads this anyways.