Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Meaningless Reminders
1.Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. Insulting women can be hazardous to your health.
3. When birds are migrating, beware of falling "paint".
4. Dogs are the way to a woman's heart, diamonds are the alternate method.
5. Never accept chocolate pudding from a waiter unless you know which door he came out of.
6. Life's hard.
7. So wear a helmet.
8. The only reason flamingos stand on one leg is that they're too stupid to know they have another one.
9. Never eat anything that rymes with "Booger", "Gross", or "Gag".
10. Buy an umbrella made from steel, 'cause they'll all be sold out when the sky starts to fall.
11. If bananas ate monkeys and chipmonks chased dogs then what the heck would the world be coming to?
12. Do not eat chocolate infront of people on a diet.
13. Stones and beehives don't mix.
14. If you spill gasoline in a fire, run away.
15. When it's raining cats and dogs, bring collars and leashes.
16. If love is in the air, buy air fresheners.
17. Eggplants should not contain eggs.
18. Never go swimming during the night when you haven't gotten any sleep.
19. Reading goth's brains may cause temporary blindness.
20. No Prep is a good Prep.
21. Pictures of the most popular girl in school wearing Barbie underwear can be used to your advantage.
22. Wake up and smell the coffee, then go back to sleep for another hour.
23. Destroy your baby pictures so your mom can't show your "Precious baby booty" to anyone.
24. If a cereal killer knocks on your door, throw a box of Fruit Loops out the bad tag
25. If he's actually a SERIAL killer, you're doomed.
26. Rotten grapes and a paintball gun make an efficient way to get revenge.
27. If that's the way the cookie crumbles, bake another cookie.
28. All shops are overpriced. Use ebay.
29. Whoever said girls were made of "Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice" must've had mental problems.
30. Cutting up your enemies and throwing thier dismemebered parts in seperate wooden boxes is a "crate" idea.
31 .A watched laptop never loads.
32. Trust me on number 31.
33. Bears do not like to be teased.
34. Jalopies make bad racecars.
35. Do NOT put brussel sprouts in a pie. EVER. It's gross.
36. Marshmellows + microwave = MESS.
37. You can't run faster than a rampaging bull.
38. What goes around comes around, and then smacks you in the face.
39. Do not throw watermelons up into the air and try to catch them.
40. Do not mock pit bulls.
41. Rocks in snowballs are dangerous weapons.
42. Never sleep with bubblegum in your mouth.
43. If you see a man approach you with an axe, run.
44. Cows chew cud, not gum, stupid.
45. The thruth is out there.....you just have to find it.
46. I know I have a purpose in life.....I just don't know what it is.
47. York Peppermint Patties are NOT from New York.
48. Within Cheerios there lies a message: Oooooooooooo.
49. A fish school is so easy....all you have to do is swim around.
50. I don't want just anyone to chase, I don't just anyone to hold. I don't want blood to go to waste, I WANT TO EAT YOUR SOUL!
51. Midgets aren't short, they're vertically challenged.
52. Some animals can change gender.....ew.
53. You can't pwn me. Slavery is illegal.
55. If the match lit yesturday, it won't light today.
56. I've got skeletons in my closet....and a few bodies that are still decomposing.
57. Some men tell thier friends 'If you want to impress a girl, feed her poetry." But peotry is not edible, so how could a girl eat it?
58. If a dog bites you, and you bite it back, expect to get your mouth ripped out.
59. How do midgets drive cars?
60. Some moments in life are like straws.....they suck.