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The Journal that was too cool for a title.
It's too cool for a title
I Close My Eyes
My head presses against the warm pillow; I toss and turn without direction, before sitting up and turning the pillow over, so that my face may rest against the cooler material. The blinds are up, the curtains lazily protecting me from the starred night sky outside the window.

For a moment, I am tempted to open the window and leave it that way as I try to sleep, for I believe the sanctity of the night to be my sanctity, and so I have no reason to hide from it.

Debating a little while longer, I try and force my eyes to close, holding them shut for what seems like hours, but upon opening them, I find it has been merely a few moments.

My clock, which is mounted on the south wall, reflects the dim white light of the lamppost across the street, which accompanies the full moons glow through my window. Its ticking is barely noticeable, but seems to fall in rhythm with the music playing softly from my stereo.

The same song, repeating over and over, perhaps as a lullaby for my tormented mind. I try and focus on the lyrics as it has become a comfortable sound, something I can hear and understand but do not think upon with my critical senses.
The words rush back to me with a smiling pain, like a memory of an old friend, dearly loved, but long lost.

I close my eyes,
Im safe from all harm,
Im safe in a dream
Want you to stay,
I want you to be there for me
Cause I need your love,
I need your touch
I long for your embrace...

Yes, sweet pain, even in my latest hours of the night you are at my side, in my ears, on my lips as I whisper along with the song.

Dejected and on the edge of despair, I sit up again reaching for the window above my bed sliding it up with ease. The cool winds of winter immediately seize the open space and flow freely into my room, adding a calming touch to my skin.
I lie back down and pull the thin dark blanket over myself, staring up at the ceiling, again whispering with the song.

And just as before, where I had fallen into a state of mind where I could hear, but not perceive, I was now entwined within the song and its words, as if the music cast its spell upon my soul.

A sound enters my mind, but it seems to fall in rhythm with the melody just as the clock and its ticking.

Louder.

Louder the sound, and I feel it break the tranquility of the song, its volume not harsh, but perhaps more urgent than the song, thus awakening my mind from its reverie.

Ignoring the music, I focus on the sound and realize that it is a knock most likely on my front door, which is just outside of my room.

The knocking is gentle but firm, and words roll from my tongue describing how it strikes me.

I dont want to wake you, but I dont want to go without you.

Opening the door, I find her, the one from my daydreams.

She smiles, though not confidently, perhaps like a child would smile, knocking upon her parents door late in the night after she awoke from a bad dream.
My love, my darling.

I have been hoping she may visit, needing someone to care for her. I adore her beyond imagining and surely she must know it with the way I cant stop smiling at her.

Putting all thought aside, I welcome her into my home. Seeing her shiver as she hugs me, I squeeze her tighter and ask if shed like something to warm up with.

"Would you mind if I take a bath? I mean, if it doesnt bother you?"

Her words startle me, though I, of course, have no problem with her request, I do not expect her to feel so comfortable.

"Of course not, this is your home too", I whisper against her ear, before patting her shoulders and leading her to the bathroom.

Once there, I hang back outside the door and beckon her to enter.

"Will you come with me?" she asks tenderly, her voice smooth and uncertain at the same time, creating an amazingly adorable sound.

Answering quite honestly, I tell her I would not deny her anything and taking the lighter from the counter, light the candles that rest in their holders, above and to each side of the mirror. It seems this entrances her, or perhaps, its just a small treasure of a detail she may keep for a long while.

"They're beautiful, this is beautiful", she whispers, eyes wandering the room trying to keep in view all of the shadows that dance with the flames.

"And so are you", I remind her, not wanting her to feel inadequate to the beauty, as I myself feel, in comparison to the flames and the angel at my side.

Leaving her to watch the candles, I draw back the scarlet curtains that surround the tub and watch the light reflect dully from the marble tile of the wall.

She lays her jacket on the counter before reaching behind her head and releasing her hair from its bounds. Her head shakes a little as her hair bounces and comes to rest upon her shoulders.

I smile at the way she moves, her hair falling in light curls, swaying with her body. Turning the water on, I adjust the temperature to a comfortable warmth and turn to face her again, seeing her watch me from the mirror as she pulls her shirt up and over her head, off of her arms and away from her body.

A smile graces her lips, and again I am the watcher, as she unbuttons the jeans which cling so tightly to the curve of her thighs. Sliding them down over her hips, wiggling slightly, before slipping them off of her completely.

And there she stands, my obsession in the nights sky, my love, in her white bra, clinging so defensively to her small breasts and the matching panties, pure white, which even though they are pressed skintight against her most private areas give her a final innocent glow in the dim candlelight.

The look in her eyes beckons me near her and I realize that she won't be able to bare herself this way alone, yet watched, and as I approach her I see the full smile and comfort return to her face.

Bending down a slight bit to kiss her shoulders I unclasp her bra and let it fall to the floor as she stands, watching in the mirror. Again, I press my lips to her skin, the sweet smell of cocoa-butter on her. Kissing the curve of her neck, my hands slip down her back to the covered flesh below, caressing her a** through the thin material before slipping two fingers beneath the elastic bound, slowly pulling her panties down.

I watch her reaction in the mirror, the candles dancing in her eyes, as her panties slip lower down her body, down her thighs, around her knees and to the floor, before she steps out of them and turns to face me with a gentle kiss.
My fingers run through her hair, over her shoulders, trailing down her back and around to her waist.

Lowering myself to my knees I place a kiss upon her warm stomach. Her sex, fully bared to my loving gaze, is as smooth as her stomach, bare of any wisp of hair. Kissing her stomach again, I stand cautiously, not wanting to frighten her from the trust we share.

Without a word, I guide her to the running water, the steam now rising into the air as if to tempt her to enter the waters. She answers the beckoning water and steps carefully into the tub before relaxing herself in the steaming water.

I smile at her and mouth the words I love you, before taking a seat next to her, outside the tub. She reaches for my hand and I entwine my fingers with hers, as if I fear this would be a dream, and I will wake, thus losing her.

But my fears are as gone as the chill of the night, banished by her heated touch upon my face, her kiss meeting my lips, as I return the loving gesture and allow her to lay back into the water, her eyes closing, a smile upon her face.

What love is this?

I cannot imagine a more seductive setting for her to be the center of and I realize it seduces every particle of my being, my heart, my desire. As she lay in the waters, I feel an overwhelming sense of protection for her, knowing I must keep her safe in her dream as well.

As she bathes, I lightly kiss her fingers up and down to the tips, before pressing my lips back down her skin. A smile again and I remove my lips from her sweet skin, allowing her to rest peacefully with just the comfort of protection surrounding her, the candles witness to her pleasure, the dark a shroud of passion which is balanced delicately with the light of her soul, shining into my heart.

An hour passes and she wakes from her rest, eyes flashing to make sure I still accompany her, though our hands are still together and I squeeze hers softly, telling her in an inviting voice that I would never abandon her.

"I know," comes her gentle reply, smile and all. "Do you mind if I stay here with you tonight? I dont want to leave this and I need you, and I dont think you want me to leave."

Her words flow in her defense and I cannot help but laugh kindly. I reassure her that yes, she may stay, yes, as long as she wants, yes, she is safe here.

'And so am I,' I think to myself.

She begins to stand and I join her, taking a towel from the bar upon the wall and as she steps out of the water I wrap the thick yet soft material, which matches the curtains in its deep red tone, around her angelic body. Taking a second towel she does her best to free her hair of the water and after she finishes I remove the first towel to dry her skin, the beads of water dripping from her hair onto her chest.
The water glistens on her breasts making the candles seem to focus only there, on her nipples which stand at attention. Leaning towards her, I lick the drops of water from her breasts and kiss her nipples playfully before continuing to dry her body, the towel brushing across her stomach, down her a**, over her thighs and between her legs.

My fingers graze the fruit of her sex, attracted to the warm smooth skin that protects it before moving on, making sure she's dry, before wrapping her in the shroud again.

Her lips press against my cheek and she whispers in an almost proud voice, letting me know that no one else has ever treated her like this, like she was something special. A mixed feeling of love and pain fills my eyes, as I try to imagine knowing this angel lives and not focusing my every devotion upon her.

I cannot do it and she must see the hurt of imagining in my eyes, as her lips meet mine again, her kiss full of protective seduction, soft and warm, young and sweet.
I return her kiss lovingly, feeling her lips as we worship the taste of each other, tongues intertwining slowly, before I pull away regrettably and kiss her lips once more.

A look of confusion flashes over her eyes before I take her hand and open the bathroom door, quietly blowing out the candles. On our way to the bedroom, we stop every few feet to kiss, wrap arms around one another and just embrace before we realize were not yet there, and continue again.

Entering the bedroom, she lets the towel fall from her body and again the angel seduces me with her every movement as she runs her hands over her stomach and up her chest, squeezing and caressing her breasts, her nipples still hard as I pull her close to me.

Her fingers trail down my body and just as I removed her innocent coverings, she does the same for me. We stand together, nothing at all left between us. I melt as her voice whispers in my ear, telling me of how she needs it, how she wants to feel us ********, but above anything, she just wants to be held.

Tears form behind my eyes, though Im not sure why, and I tell her that I would hold her endlessly, wrapping my arms around her firm young form, squeezing her tightly, then releasing her and gesturing to the bed, covered in its midnight blue sheets.

She nods and climbs in almost childlike, playful, smiling and giggling as I join her. As soon as I am within her reach, her arms are around me, her body presses against me, and I clasp her against my heart and my soul.

Never mind the feel of her aching nipples against my chest.

I cannot focus on the heat and moisture building between her thighs or the way my body reacts to hers.

I only know that I love her, that I hold her, and this is all we need, together, to keep a smile in the darkest lengths of the night while the moon sets in the winters sky.

The music still plays and as our kisses commence, I brush my lips across her cheek to her ear, and whisper...

"I close my eyes,
Im safe from all harm
Im safe in a dream.."






User Comments: [3] [add]
Jupiters Romance
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Wed May 31, 2006 @ 11:00pm
Fantasy.

A dream like state where everything is perfect and nothing can harm you and you can have whatever the depths of your heart desire.

I like your portrayal, How the main character can escape the torment of who he really is and have everything he ever wanted in his angel of a woman. I suppose it hit a sentimental mark with me.

I must say you've improved with your writing, it's not as choppy, in fact it's rather smooth. I don't recall any major mistakes if there were any. I'd have to go through and read with detail and at the moment I don't feel like doing that.


commentCommented on: Thu Jun 01, 2006 @ 10:59pm
Intriguing.

The only thing I thought that was possibly out of whack was;

When she said she wanted to "Feel us ********" or something. ******** was a bit harsh for the smooth dream-like state of the story. It jolted me out of the spell. And I was like..awww...now I'm back here again.

And the other, is I would've liked to had an inkling of what the narrator looked like. I know what YOU look like, but no one else does unless they know you as well so you'd need to put a momentary description. And besides, it's not made clear otherwise if it IS you or the character that you're writing from the view-point of. I assumed it was the latter.

You're the writer. Don't let assumptions be made, it ruins everything.



The Simi Knows Best
Community Member
Jupiters Romance
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Jun 02, 2006 @ 10:38am
Simi love, I have to disagree with you on some of that.

Although I agree with you on the "feel us ********" part I thought the lack of description only added to the story. Drawing away from the narrator and adding to the woman. I think if he added a description of the narrator then it would give him individuality and a sliver of existance which wouldn't fit.

To me it seems that the narrator sort of repersented the general idea of every lonely man. So why be specific?


User Comments: [3] [add]
 
 
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