some time ago i read that the INFJ personality type is well-liked because they tend to have a persistent gentle smile that puts people at ease. they also are very outwardly focused and engage people with deep, penetrating eye-contact.
i put these strategies to the test today, when the guy i am seeing for one more month co-opted my saturday and had me drive out with his family; his mother was opening at an art gallery.
i smiled as much as i ******** could ok, but while i often feel full of manic and electrifying happiness when i am alone and observing the world, it is very hard to maintain when other people are poking at the observer and sloshing the fish bowl or whatever
different species of goldfish are in fact very different to look at. i forgot all about bubble eye goldfish and ones with flat fan tails and ones with folded veil tails. i watched goldfish at e mei, the szechuan restaurant. the food is also excellent.
but i digress. it was, like most experiences i am very very reluctant to engage in, profoundly rewarding.
i really miss my ex boyfriend. he last texted me last sunday, telling me he felt lonely.
it's very hard to define what is real love and what isn't. is it physical attraction? if this guy i am seeing were a bit taller, or a bit more like he was a few years ago, would i be madly in love with him?
...no, it's not just that.
if he changed his personality to be a little warmer, to understand me a little more, would that be better?
do i need someone who understands me easily, or just someone like him who i can trust and who loves me and knows what to do and wants to share the burden with me?
i read like a dozen modern love articles on the new york times and i am not sure what i got beyond just say what's on your mind, do what engages you, and...trust your intuition? but i don't know what that means.
i read more than one story where someone, on intuition, simply severed a tie and never looked back. i do not know how to do that. people are too precious for that kind of thing, unless it is mutual.
i guess.
anyway, my ex said again that we shouldn't speak for a month. it's good for me to figure out what i want and him too. and i should wait a month. luckily i have many things to take s**t off my mind. i'm going to japan!
i have not planned anything yet. the flight is next saturday.
compared to most social media, i think snapchat is least evil. it's temporary and you can easily lightly touch your friends so you don't become a hermit forever.
sora wonk Community Member 
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