Nothing has gone right today. Its been such a lonely and quiet day. It snowed yesterday..that was nice I suppose. Today I have been so alone though. I've had nobody to talk to. My husband has thankfully been at work all day. I would be even more miserable had he been here with me all day.
Its just been me and my dogs. My first choice of who I would like to talk to is battling problems of his own. I feel so selfish. Because instead of wanting to talk about things he doesn't want to talk to me. And Hes all I want to talk to... But I also feel like I've failed at being his friend. By not being able to physically be there for him I feel like there will never actually be anything I can do for him.
I just want to be there. With him. In all of the ways I shouldn't want to because of my situation.
I broke down and called my doctor today. But wont be able to get in until 2 days before my birthday. I don't know if I can wait that long. Everything is just so overwhelming. A whole nother month of feeling like I don't belong in my own body. Another month of struggling to get out of bed and do the simple tasks I need to do every day.
I couldn't even make myself go to class today...This has been miserable. I have no motivation...I tried to be strong for him and now I'm just here. Lonely. Lost. Empty. And too sober to deal with being an adult.
ChydiZZy Community Member 
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